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| Posted: Sun Aug 11th, 2019 01:33 am |
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moptop
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Hello all, here's one that I finished up a while ago and would like to get your opinion on, on all aspects, lyrics, music, mix, the whole bit. The lyrics are listed below.
Thanks for listening.
Moptop
https://soundcloud.com/user-296202890/borrowed-time-enhanced-harmonies
Borrowed Time
Words and Music by
Dominick B. Giarraputo
Copyright © 2019
V1
I’m runnin’ on borrowed time
Trying to make that dime
So I can get that shot of whiskey at the end of the day
V2
If the liquid in that little glass
helps me forget my past
maybe I’ll get some sleep tonight
Pre Chorus
Cause when I close my eyes you’re always there
You never realized just how much I cared
Then I open my eyes to find that your not there
Chorus
I’m a total mess without you
My life was all about you
Everything I did, I did for you
I don’t know how I’ll survive
Knowing that I need you all the time
That little shot of whiskey gives me that borrowed time
V3
The harder and harder I try
If I said I don’t, it’s a lie
To forget you girl and put it all behind
V4
You said you couldn't love me
you needed to be free
But you never thought about what it would do to me.
PC2
Cause when I close my eyes you’re always there
You never realized how much I really cared
Then I open my eyes to find that your not there
Chorus
I’m a total mess without you
My life was all about you
Everything I did, I did for you
And I don’t know how I’ll survive
Knowing I need you all the time
And that little shot of whiskey gives me that borrowed time
Yes that little shot of whiskey gives me that borrowed time
And that little shot of whiskey gives me that borrowed time
____________________
Take Care, Moptop!
https://soundcloud.com/user-296202890
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| Posted: Sun Aug 11th, 2019 02:39 am |
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M.P. Dudash
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Moptop, I listened to it before I looked at your profile. I was going to say it definitely has a 60’s vibe to it. Guessing that’s what you were going for and you nailed it. I’m only 44 but grew up listening to oldies and personally feel those were, and are still, some of the best times in music. Upbeat feel good kinda songs. Nice work!
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| Posted: Sun Aug 11th, 2019 11:10 am |
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RainyDayMan
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Lyrics: good. Classic country, drinking over a broken heart theme.
Mix: very good. Has a quality feel to it. Vocals are clear. I think the harmonies work well. Instruments work well together and don't overpower each other.
Melody: not my cup of tea. Maybe it's intended to be old-fashioned, but I found it a bit forgettable.
Structure: not sure the pre-chorus is adding that much, but otherwise sound.
Worth pursuing, but if it was mine, I would re-work the melody.
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| Posted: Tue Aug 13th, 2019 11:54 am |
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jamestoffee
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Good start.
The instruments sound balanced and I like the harmonies.
The vocals have a bit of a synthetic sound and that's not a bad thing. I would even push it a bit to make it a bit more unusual with the other instruments, b/c it doesn't quite sound like the 50-60s doo whop genre it may seem to fit otherwise.
Lyrically, it seems to be pulling in too many different directions and any of the directions are fine, but should be focused.
If you want to stick with the title focus the imagery around a scene where time is up and everything will fall apart without a moment's notice.
If you want to focus on the drinking and whiskey, contrast with "dried up" vs "wet your whistle with whiskey", or the purpose of the drink to forget the singee.....When I drink I forget to go to work, where I parked my truck, if I fed the dog, but no matter how much I drink I can't forget you....etc...
If you want to focus on the "one left behind" for the sake of freedom, contrast those type images.
A song that does this well is "Breakeven" by the Scripts. Read through the lyrics.
This whole section seems to fit the one left behind scenario
I’m a total mess without you (WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE?)
My life was all about you (HOW? WHAT SPECIFICALLY?)
Everything I did, I did for you (HARD TO CONNECT FOR LISTENER WITHOUT DETAILS)
And I don’t know how I’ll survive (This is a separate theme....How can I live without you....separate from the concept of borrowed time and drinking whiskey)
Knowing I need you all the time (Why?)
Thanks for sharing.
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https://cjamesconrad.bandcamp.com/track/daddies-and-daughters?fbclid=IwAR0x-doQ40NUeeZZt6oinWwmJp0WMflxujn_3XM46lZFr6PPR0BJDQBoRuw
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandid=253763
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| Posted: Wed Aug 14th, 2019 10:41 pm |
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JayKay
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Hi Dominick,
The production is really good as usual from you - This would sound more country if you added a little steel guitar to it - if you don't play the steel guitar - maybe a sample or something - your vocals sound good in the mix.
Since I am just learning production myself I can't offer too much advice on that end - I do like the retro sound to it. I enjoyed the listen.
Jane
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Jane
https://soundcloud.com/user-296863402
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| Posted: Fri Aug 16th, 2019 03:55 am |
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moptop
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Moptop, I listened to it before I looked at your profile. I was going to say it definitely has a 60’s vibe to it. Guessing that’s what you were going for and you nailed it. I’m only 44 but grew up listening to oldies and personally feel those were, and are still, some of the best times in music. Upbeat feel good kinda songs. Nice work!
M.P. Thanks very much. I wasn't particularly aiming for a 60's feel with this but I'll take that as a complement. I don't think age has much to do with appreciating good music but I agree with you, the older stuff is some good stuff.
Lyrics: good. Classic country, drinking over a broken heart theme.
Mix: very good. Has a quality feel to it. Vocals are clear. I think the harmonies work well. Instruments work well together and don't overpower each other.
Melody: not my cup of tea. Maybe it's intended to be old-fashioned, but I found it a bit forgettable.
Structure: not sure the pre-chorus is adding that much, but otherwise sound.
Worth pursuing, but if it was mine, I would re-work the melody.
R D Man, Yeah this isn't very flashy in either the melody or the lyric dept. It was one that just came together quickly and easily so I went ahead and put it down. Yes, it could use a rework.
Thanks
The vocals have a bit of a synthetic sound and that's not a bad thing. I would even push it a bit to make it a bit more unusual with the other instruments, b/c it doesn't quite sound like the 50-60s doo whop genre it may seem to fit otherwise.
James, the vocal treatment on this one was more of an experiment than anything with trying out some different techniques with the effects. I thought it sounded pretty good while mixing be after I exported it it was obvious that it had too much of ...well, everything.
Thanks
The production is really good as usual from you - This would sound more country if you added a little steel guitar to it - if you don't play the steel guitar - maybe a sample or something - your vocals sound good in the mix.
Since I am just learning production myself I can't offer too much advice on that end - I do like the retro sound to it. I enjoyed the listen.
Jane, thanks for the kind comments. Even though you say your are still learning that doesn't mean that your comments on how it sounds aren't helpful. They are! Just in the fact that it let's me know it's pleasing to listen to and that I must be doing something right! Oh, and I agree with you on the steel guitar but unfortunately that's way above my pay grade as a musician!
Thanks 
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Take Care, Moptop!
https://soundcloud.com/user-296202890
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| Posted: Mon Aug 19th, 2019 04:41 am |
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bunnythesinger
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Wow... i like this a lot. I like it really as a 60s tune...gosh it could go a little further country...or possibly rockabilly...would love to hear it just a little faster with some rockabilly licks on it...just something for you to play with if you ever get the time. I know i always like to hear what another set of ears thinks about what ive got musically going...and i really like to hear how someone else might reimagine it. Whenever i hear a song i like, i always like to think...what would my cover of it sound like. Id go rockabilly...maybe not full on brian setzer...but maybe marty stuart/eddie cochran.
Bunny
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| Posted: Mon Aug 19th, 2019 05:47 pm |
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cmaja
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Hey Moptop,
This is sweet! It sound a bit more pop that country. V2, line 2 reads: helps me forget my past. But you sing: helps me TO forget my past.
What would really sweeten it up is if you added a bridge —maybe between V3 and V4 with a slower beat to it, saying something like how much you love her and/or miss her. Or how you’re broken-hearted. Something to reflect on.
Charles
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| Posted: Tue Aug 20th, 2019 12:09 am |
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moptop
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bunnythesinger wrote:
Wow... i like this a lot. I like it really as a 60s tune...gosh it could go a little further country...or possibly rockabilly...would love to hear it just a little faster with some rockabilly licks on it...just something for you to play with if you ever get the time. I know i always like to hear what another set of ears thinks about what ive got musically going...and i really like to hear how someone else might reimagine it. Whenever i hear a song i like, i always like to think...what would my cover of it sound like. Id go rockabilly...maybe not full on brian setzer...but maybe marty stuart/eddie cochran.
Thanks Bunny for the kind comments. Yeah, I would love to hear a cover of this song. I'm always interested in what ideas other musicians would bring to the table. You're welcomed to give it a try if you want. Some Eddie or Marty would be great!
CMAJA wrote: This is sweet! It sound a bit more pop that country. V2, line 2 reads: helps me forget my past. But you sing: helps me TO forget my pas t.
What would really sweeten it up is if you added a bridge —maybe between V3 and V4 with a slower beat to it, saying something like how much you love her and/or miss her. Or how you’re broken-hearted. Something to reflect on.
Charles,
Yes, I agree, some kind of bridge would give it a bit of a boost. I wasn't sure what to put this under and I was thinking country when I was working on it so I just stuck with that for a label. Appreciate the kind words.
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Take Care, Moptop!
https://soundcloud.com/user-296202890
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| Posted: Sat Sep 14th, 2019 09:49 pm |
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ChrisPrice
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This is great. Pop/country crossover. Very catchy melody with good harmonies and some nice playing. I'm liking this. 
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| Posted: Sun Sep 15th, 2019 12:53 am |
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moptop
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ChrisPrice wrote:
This is great. Pop/country crossover. Very catchy melody with good harmonies and some nice playing. I'm liking this.
Well thanks very much Chris! It's one I've been playing with for a while. Crossover, that's a good way to describe it...thanks. I had no idea what to label it.
Take care!
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Take Care, Moptop!
https://soundcloud.com/user-296202890
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