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BRD
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Joined: Sun Aug 4th, 2019
Location: Arkansas USA
Posts: 42
Favorite Artist: Alan Jackson, Waylon, Hank Jr, The Hag, Tom Petty, ...
I am a: Songwriter
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V1
I like old Colt revolvers
and the taste of cheap whiskey.
I like big bosomed ladies in corsets
that want to get frisky.
I like Stephen Foster tunes
banged out on an upright piano.
And I prefer the Old West version
of ol’ San Francisco.

C
But I was born too late
to be the outlaw I was meant to be.
There could’ve been wanted posters
with Billy the Kid, Jesse James, and me.
I would’ve robbed a lot of banks,
stagecoaches, and a few trains too.
But I was born into these so-called civilized modern times
and all I have are my daydreams and you.

V2
I like riding in the saddle
and breathing the clean air for hours.
I long for the day when men
were known as fighters or cowards.
I like the smell of tobacco
spit all over the floor.
And I want my saloon
to have swinging doors.

C
But I was born too late
to be the outlaw I was meant to be.
There could’ve been wanted posters
with Billy the Kid, Jesse James, and me.
I would’ve robbed a lot of banks,
stagecoaches, and a few trains too.
But I was born into these so-called civilized modern times
and all I have are my daydreams and you.

V3
Being an outlaw
ain’t what it used to be.
No more wanted posters.
They plaster your face on TV.
It’s drive-by shootings
and pushing dope to kids by the school.
And no more high noon endings
to the sheriff in a duel.

C
But I was born too late
to be the outlaw I was meant to be.
There could’ve been wanted posters
with Billy the Kid, Jesse James, and me.
I would’ve robbed a lot of banks,
stagecoaches, and a few trains too.
But I was born into these so-called civilized modern times
and all I have are my daydreams and you.

bunnythesinger
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Joined: Fri Aug 2nd, 2019
Location: Central Midlands, South Carolina USA
Posts: 163
Favorite Artist: John Prine, Steve Goodman,Meatloaf, Hall&Oates, Bonnie Raitt, Amy Wineh
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I like this BRD.... I was having so much fun with the first 2 verses ...i understood why you went to the present with the drive bys...but id love to hear you repeat verse 2 or part of it at the end after v3 and chorus just to bring back the reminiscing part.

Last edited on Sun Aug 11th, 2019 01:07 am by bunnythesinger

cmaja
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Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 368
Favorite Artist: The Eagles, Lyle Lovett, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
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This is pretty cool, BRD. It well structured and moves smoothly. You may want to make it more compact. There are a lot of words that could be cut. The ‘you’ at the end of the chorus doesn’t put that personage it the best light, if that’s all, besides daydreams, the singer has —almost a disappointment. But I like it overall!

Charles

RainyDayMan
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Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
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There's a cool vibe to this BRD! I think your chorus really hits the mark, that felt particularly strong.

I think the 'and you' on the end should go though.
There's no other reference to this person, and it really feels like they are just there to make the rhyme.

I was reading the verses, trying to find the rhythm of it, and couldn't quite get there. As Charles said, there a few extra words there that could be cut, and I would do that until you even out the syllables and can find that rhythm.
If you already have it sorted in your head and it fits then cool, otherwise be ruthless!

BRD
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Joined: Sun Aug 4th, 2019
Location: Arkansas USA
Posts: 42
Favorite Artist: Alan Jackson, Waylon, Hank Jr, The Hag, Tom Petty, ...
I am a: Songwriter
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Yeah, may have been listening to too much Waylon when I wrote this one. He had a knack for backhanded comments and compliments to his woman in a lot of his songs.

Wait...Can you listen to too much Waylon?

Seamus2
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Joined: Mon Jul 22nd, 2019
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Another excellent lyric, well done sir.


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