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Hold my hand
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Thu Jul 11th, 2019 09:54 am
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Seamus
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I dreaded the playtimes
schoolyard games
no fun for me
its where kids called me names

tortured by teachers
I didn't dress like the rest
shoes full of holes
and they were my best

the schoolyard games
I was bullied and jeered
it was the breaktimes
that I really feared

no kid should worry
or be filled with dread
surrounded by bullies
wishing you were dead

came from a poor family
I'm not to blame
but I had to suffer
the calling of names

beatings I endured
all cuts and bruises
it's the mental torture
that really abuses

I lay in my bed
fearing to wake
God hold my hand
in the steps that I take

CopyrightAlanEvans11072019



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 Posted: Sat Jul 13th, 2019 11:39 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Tough subject! I think you need a strong hook to hang this one off. Something to summarize a particular feeling or attitude about the bullying. At the moment I find it moving, but I can't imagine singing it. Maybe you can use your title to guide you there?



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 Posted: Mon Jul 15th, 2019 07:19 pm
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cmaja
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Hey Alan,
I like the imagery I get when I read this. You paint a colorful picture that will make this lyric a great song. I can easily relate to it. Thanks,

Charles



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 Posted: Wed Jul 17th, 2019 02:00 pm
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Kellyanneg
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What you've written is very real and relatable. "Hold My Hand" is a great title/hook, like RainyDayMan said, to use a strong hook to hang it off of... incorporate that appropriately throughout the song to drive it home and create that "home base". Touching lyrics. And I agree with Charles...you paint a picture to see. Well done. Any music yet?



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 Posted: Fri Jul 19th, 2019 02:28 am
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Andrea
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I like this subject. The story is clear and I can picture it nicely. It reads more like a poem than a song. Use the hook, or develop a chorus to bring this to life.



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 Posted: Fri Jul 19th, 2019 09:03 am
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mike67
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Nice lyric Alan, and a tough subject. I was bullied at school, and then again a few years ago at work. I get my own back by writing a song called Phycho, and it was very cathartic. I agree with others that it would be good to have a hook, and perhaps an uplifting element of the story, i.e. you came through it, survived and did well. Did the bullies? That would be a good theme of the chorus. But, saying that, what you have written so far is top drawer.

Mike



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 Posted: Fri Jul 19th, 2019 04:04 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Alan, I think this reads like a poem as well. It’s a good subject to write about as many have faced it but I think it needs a bit more to put it where it could be.



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 Posted: Mon Jul 22nd, 2019 09:42 am
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Seamus2
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Thanks for all comments

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 Posted: Fri Jul 26th, 2019 02:06 am
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moptop
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Seamus2,

I like this very much. I do agree with M.P. that it reads more like a poem. What you have is excellent as they are for verses and a bridge. All you need is a good chorus to add in. You have a lot of options available with what you already have. This hits home for me as I was bullied in school as well.

Good work!



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 Posted: Thu Aug 22nd, 2019 09:18 pm
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jdtaper
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This song blew me away! It's like a prequel to Martina McBride's "Concrete Angel" told from the child's point of view. Amazing! :)



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