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Sunrise In Your Eyes
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 Posted: Mon Jul 8th, 2019 10:43 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Our signs say, we’d be lovers, like no others
And the same goes, for what our souls, already feel
Your perfume, takes me to the place,
Of yearning and passion but also heartache
Cause I never, felt your body, close to mine

I’d take a sunrise, in your eyes, any day
Over desire, that haunts me, and never goes away
All the sunsets, that we’ve missed, are just dreams that’ve faded away
I’d take a sunrise in your eyes any day

When you looked at me, I still think there’s something left
When I looked at you, I hope I gave you proof, to what you may suspect
When we shared a sip, I think our lips, wanted so much more
Till the day I die, for wrong or right, I hope my feelings are yours

I’d take a sunrise, in your eyes, any day
Over desire, that haunts me, that never goes away
All the sunsets, that we’ve missed, are just dreams that’ve faded away
I’d take a sunrise in your eyes any day

I’d take a sunrise in your eyes
Remake the dreams that got away
I’d take a sunrise in your eyes
Any day......

I’d take a sunrise in your eyes...
Any...day...

Copyright © M.P. Dudash 7/8/2019



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 Posted: Fri Jul 12th, 2019 01:48 am
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RainyDayMan
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This one doesn't quite hit it for me.
I think that I'm not connecting with it emotionally.

I like your main line:
I’d take a sunrise, in your eyes, any day
The rhyme sounds good and should sing well and it's a nice visual too.

Other parts feel a bit wordy.

The syllable count here looks a little squished:
When I looked at you, I hope I gave you proof, to what you may suspect
But you'll know better whether it fits the pattern you have in mind.



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 Posted: Fri Jul 12th, 2019 04:04 am
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M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Owen. I think I see some need for clarifying the titles meaning as well.



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 Posted: Thu Aug 29th, 2019 07:40 pm
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jdtaper
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I immediately thought of one of the greatest Country singers ever, Conway Twitty! You truly are a songwriter form a different era! :)



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 Posted: Thu Aug 29th, 2019 07:45 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Thanks JD!



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 Posted: Fri Aug 30th, 2019 06:49 am
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bunnythesinger
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MP, I like the subject, I like the execution, and I personally get way too wordy... so anything that gets real descriptive is ice cream to me...my main question/ comment is that i really liked the feel of that 5 line opening... felt more relaxed,and i see where there are some longer lines in v2 and 3. Are those verses intended to be sung with the same pattern as the opening? That feels better to me...breaking the loner lines into 2 phrases You really have a lot of great song here...in my opinion, really good. Fine tuning will make the difference....and of course as i sit here in the studio and trying fine tune the music on my most recent lot, im struggling with what i wrote translating to singing, and fitting the way i wanted it to with the music i had in mind and having to tweak both sides. So i know how it feels to want every word to count and fit and play the way you want it to.But, this. This is a good song. Best of luck with it.

Bunny

Last edited on Fri Aug 30th, 2019 06:53 am by bunnythesinger



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 Posted: Fri Aug 30th, 2019 11:54 am
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M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Bunny. To be honest I’ve lost the melody I had in mind. Unfortunately that happens to me a lot. I feel I have some decent stuff but many times I think I need another’s perspective as well to help put them over the top. At some point I’d like to get a couple of them demoed. The thing is I’m in no way trying to reach the mainstream country artists as that isn’t what I write or my intent. I’d prefer to market them to the so called “outlaw” guys, who to me, will still sing the more traditional stuff. If I can ever get my head out of my rear and start writing again I hope to do some co-writing. I appreciate you looking and your comments. Thanks



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 Posted: Fri Aug 30th, 2019 02:21 pm
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bunnythesinger
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MP , I feel you, brother, on the losing the melody you have in mind. CRS (cant remember $&@!) disorder plagues me like never before...getting old stinks, but its better than the other option. I write for myself as well, and like to share, here, and at a songwriter's pull that i go to on occasion...probably never do anything with my music but that...but it would be fun to think that someone thought enough of something i wrote to play it.

Bunny



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