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hdolan
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https://www.howmarwriters.com/Upload/Bill.mp3

Ballad of Bill and Lill

Bill McAffee was a bar room lover of considerable size
He stood about six foot six and those ladies loved his eyes
But Bill he had a hang-up I never could understand
Seems he had a thing for the woman of a married man

It was just a year ago down at Harry's Bar and Grill
Juke box going and the whiskey flowing and through the door walked Lil
Now Lil she was a looker that can't be denied
And the cut of the dress that woman filled would make a grown man cry

The pool game it broke up when she climbed up on that stool
Poor Bill he about choked on his favorite brew
Well Lil held out a cigarette Bill held out a light
Right then and there they made their plans for later on that night

Lil she had a husband by the name of Tommy Joe
He told Lil that he had to leave town for a day or so
But Tommy got the word that she'd been making the scene
And down at Harry's Bar and Grill little men do get mean

Now the juke box was playing Stand by your man
That's where Lil was standing when it hit the fan
Bill he never backed down from any man or beast
But he couldn't out hit that forty four may he rest in peace

The police hauled old Tommy to jail and Lil didn't do much crying
Laying right there in the blood and the beer poor Bill had just finished dying
I thought to myself as I drank my beer ain't no use to get upset
I bought her a drink and she bought three how lucky can one guy get

Chrs:

Bill and Lil were looking for a wonderful night
Lil found all that wonder poor Bill he just died

cmaja
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I like this song! I can picture the whole event as it unfolds. The verses are structured perfectly with the music and it’s sung well. In the first line “considerable” is one syllable too big. You may try “notable” instead. Good job though.

Charles

jamestoffee
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Sounding good and some nice phrases.

You have some time and logic inconsistencies to address.

"Bill McAffee was a bar room lover of considerable size...."
This verse doesn't add to the story b/c other parts state clearly Bill was flirting, or had sex with a married woman.


"It was just a year ago down at Harry's Bar and Grill"

Why a year ago when the singer ends the song having a drink with Lil and no mention of what happened after their drink?

"And the cut of the dress that woman filled would make a grown man cry"

Nice!


Lil she had a husband by the name of Tommy Joe
He told Lil that he had to leave town for a day or so
But Tommy got the word that she'd been making the scene
And down at Harry's Bar and Grill little men do get mean

This verse causes one time frame issue


Now the juke box was playing Stand by your man
That's where Lil was standing when it hit the fan
Bill he never backed down from any man or beast
But he couldn't out hit that forty four may he rest in peace

The chorus before this verse indicates they were intimate somewhere else, so it's odd they would be back in the bar


The police hauled old Tommy to jail and Lil didn't do much crying
Laying right there in the blood and the beer poor Bill had just finished dying
I thought to myself as I drank my beer ain't no use to get upset
I bought her a drink and she bought three how lucky can one guy get

Again, this is a stretch of events, to act as if nothing just happened and Lil is ready for another guy. What time is it by now in the story for the other events to take place in real time?


"Bill and Lil were looking for a wonderful night
Lil found all that wonder"

Implies they had sex but Bill was killed in the bar. Well, I guess it could be a hookup in the bathroom, but a lot of events seem to be happening in too short a time frame.

Thanks for sharing.

James

Tekboy
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Kind of like a cross between "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" and "Stagger Lee". Couple of awkward spots, particularly between "wonder" and "Bill" (to me) but I would pay to hear it.


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