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If I had a heart
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 Posted: Fri Jun 7th, 2019 04:50 pm
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mike67
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No preamble this time.

If I had a heart

This storm will never end;
That's the way it is.
I know it wants more
Than I've got to give.
The north wind cuts across this shore
But it wants more, oh it wants more.

If I had the strength;
If I could swim;
Would you open your arms;
Would you let me in?
Spread my wings and I'd be strong
After the winds; the winds have gone.

If I could hold you I could believe
If I could love you, would you let me in?
Would you let me in?

If I had a heart?
If I could love?
If I found a way,
Would it be enough?
Enough to rise above the sea
After the waves have taken me?

If I could hold you I could believe
If I could love you, would you let me in?
Would you let me in?

A broken tree upon the hill
Holding out for spring again
Shaped by the weather, against its will
Sometimes life can feel that way.

Last edited on Sat Jun 8th, 2019 10:54 am by mike67



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 Posted: Sat Jun 8th, 2019 02:28 am
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cmaja
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Hi Mike,
This is a fine lyric. I like the intro and the coda is a nice reflection of the theme. My two suggestions are to change “If I found a way” to “Would I have found a way”. And drop the “up” in “Would you open up your arms”. That way you’d have a better balance between the two verses.

Charles

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 Posted: Sat Jun 8th, 2019 10:53 am
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mike67
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Thanks Charles. Good call on losing the "up". In the second suggestion, I see where you're coming from, but your suggestion puts it in the past tense. The song's about wanting to believe in something bigger, but lacking the leap of faith needed. The protagonist still has some hope, I think.

Mike



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 Posted: Sun Jun 9th, 2019 02:15 am
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M.P. Dudash
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Mike, some cool stuff going on here. Not my genre, but as far as the lyrics go, I think they work. Good stuff



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 Posted: Sun Jun 9th, 2019 12:02 pm
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Andrea
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Hi Mike, I like this quite a bit.

Although I like the it, the end seems to break from the ocean theme. Feels out of place a bit - to me. Maybe change hill to dune, coast, bank, beach, bluff... (might need to change will to follow the rhyme)?

"A broken tree upon the hill
Holding out for spring again
Shaped by the weather, against its will
Sometimes life can feel that way."



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 Posted: Mon Jun 10th, 2019 01:40 pm
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mike67
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Very good point. What about:

A ship sails beyond the walls
From the harbour to the storm
Holding out against the waves
Sometimes life can feel that way?



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 Posted: Mon Jun 10th, 2019 10:31 pm
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Andrea
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I do think fits better. Really like the feel of this.

A ship sails beyond the walls - this ship?
From the harbour to the storm
Holding out against the waves
Sometimes life can feel that way?

I like it, but it does it mesh with

"After the waves have taken me?"

It is a question posed - so maybe (maybe fighting back against the waves? Not sure this is different though)



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 Posted: Tue Jun 11th, 2019 07:10 am
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mike67
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Hi Andrea,

The song's about wanting to have faith but needing proof of God's existance before being able to commit, asking if having a heart and being able to love would be enough at the end of the day. The last verse sits apart, and effectively says that life can be ugly and that can shape you as a person, testing blind faith to the limit. The protagonist argues that, if there is a devine being, then perhaps they have to accept that we're going to less perfect when we die than when we're born, and accept some responsibility for that.

In that sence, the final para is a kind of parable. The protagonist isn't the ship. Everybody's the ship.

That kind of works in my strange brain.

Mike

Last edited on Tue Jun 11th, 2019 07:15 am by mike67



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 Posted: Tue Jun 11th, 2019 02:45 pm
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Andrea
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I see. The last part is interesting.

I think the lyrics effectively communicate the emotions, doubt and desire you speak about. I like it very much.



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 Posted: Tue Jun 11th, 2019 04:37 pm
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mike67
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Thanks for suggesting I revisit; the end works much better now.



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