The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank  
AuthorPost
Seamus
Contributor


Joined: Tue Jan 10th, 2017
Location:  
Posts: 1354
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Brain racking, banging head
I lay alone in my bed
troubled, my wheels are grinding
no answers am I finding

rolling over back and to
all my thoughts are of you
clearly you don't want to know
but I just can't let you go

I am tortured day and night
don't want to give up the fight
go to bed but I can't sleep
pillow soaked as I weep

there's no future that I see
you have gone I'm only me
still a prisoner, can't get free
is this what my life's to be

thoughts trapped inside my head
won't let me rest on my bed
wrestling demons in my brain
nothing will ever be the same

quietly cry the nights away
hoping tomorrow will be a better day
but in my heart I know what's true
there's no tomorrow without you

CopyrightAlanEvans06062019

M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1128
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
Alan, it works. I actually feel it would be best as a fast metal song though. That’s how I hear it.

Seamus
Contributor


Joined: Tue Jan 10th, 2017
Location:  
Posts: 1354
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I'm afraid that I have no musical talent whatsoever I only write words, thanks for looking friend and for the advice.

RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5748
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Lots of anguish there. There's an element of self-pity that may make it harder for people to engage with. I think we've all felt that way at times, but it's not necessarily something we want to feel about ourselves, and therefore may not buy into in a lyric.

The rhythm of this has a short, staccato feel, which might be what Mike is picking up on. It does feel like it would fit a rock sound more than a country one.


UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1541 seconds (15% database + 85% PHP). 25 queries executed.