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Brown haired man
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 Posted: Wed Jun 5th, 2019 03:27 am
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LongShadows
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I can't seem to stop writing verses for this so I thought I'd just post it so I can consider it done and move on.
I put it in country because it reminds me of Boy Named Sue.

Brown Haired Man

Born, as I was, in the land of the sun
I was blond 'til the day that I turned 21
I decided that smoking and drinking was fun
And I settled upon a new course

I got a real job and a reliable car
Drove straight from work every day to the bar
Sat mostly alone in the man-made dark
And I never again went outdoors

I was working graves and I barely slept
The sun was too bright for the secrets I kept
It washed all the color from the dreams that I dreamt
'til the darkness was all I could see

I wasn't impressed with the folks that I met
They smelled like anguish and cigarettes
They chased every shot with a cup of regret
It all seemed so pointless to me

They never cried or laughed, or raised their voice
They seldom looked up from their poison of choice
And the jukebox there made such a God-awful noise
After a decade or two I'd had it

I was tired of hearing 'em bitch and moan
Figured I was basically drinking alone
HelI, I could do that just as well at home
Probably save a few bucks while I's at it

So, one night about half past too late o'clock
I settled my tab and I went for a walk
An' I left them cattle to stew in their stock
I imagine they're still there today

I never went back to the tavern again
Ain't touched a drop of liquor since then
Never said 'bye to my drinking friends
If they noticed, well, they didn't say

I headed due north up here to Stumptown
Where it rains quite a bit but I still get around
And the hair I have left is more or less brown
'Cept the ones that fell out or turned gray

I done alright here in the valley of rust
I found a wife and a handful of friends I can trust
Don't really miss California that much
Unless it rains on the Grand Floral Parade



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 Posted: Wed Jun 5th, 2019 05:35 am
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M.P. Dudash
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Longshadows, some really killer lines in here. Smelled like anguish and cigarettes, and they seldom looked up from their poison of choice. Excellent imagery. I do think there are areas where it can be condensed a bit, but the structure is there. A little fine tuning and you’re there. Nice job.



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 Posted: Wed Jun 5th, 2019 11:31 am
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RainyDayMan
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I agree with Mike, those are killer lines.

You could almost start this at v3:
I was working graves and I barely slept...
course you would lose the blond hair reference were you to do that.

Does feel like it could be a country song.



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 Posted: Wed Jun 5th, 2019 10:18 pm
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cmaja
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Wow! Ten verses and a solid rhyming sequence. And the journey of life. Who needs a chorus. A composer could have fun in how he works the music for this. Musically the verses can vary despite the AAA structure. I like it!

Charles



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