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| Posted: Thu May 30th, 2019 12:50 am |
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1st Post |
davidcpayne
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Hey y'all. you guys were so helpful on the last one i decided id share one of my songs that i generally get the best reception on. A little background first. I'm a 19 year old sophomore in college so my music tends to reflect experiences that people around my age go through, one of which is definitely break-ups. The title of the song "rebound" comes from the term for when you break up with someone and immediately go to someone new to ease your way out of the relationship and sometimes to make the ex jealous. In this song, the speaker is the rebound for a girl who just got out of a relationship. while it may not be the deepest in meaning, people tend to be able to relate to it and i think of it as more of a fun upbeat breakup song.
You called me cuz he wasnt picking up
Then you called again and said you were splittin up
Said hes been
Runnin round downtown hookin up and youve had enough
And you could
Really use a little pick me up
Ill tell ya what
I’ll be your rebound
Ill pick you up off the ground
Where he knocked you down
Ill take you out on the town
Ill help you pick up your heart
Right where you left off baby
Since he wont come back around
Ill be your rebound
We got this rebound thing down to a t
And im feelin
something real between you and me
Well Its a
shame he hasnt got the chance to see you next to me
Cuz he dont
know what hes missing since he set you free
I’ll be your rebound
Ill pick you up off the ground
Where he knocked you down
Ill take you out on the town
Ill help you pick up your heart
Right where you left off baby
Since he wont come back around
Ill be your rebound
Chorus (x2)
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| Posted: Sat Jun 1st, 2019 02:32 am |
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RainyDayMan
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I like your chorus. That feels like the strongest part to me. I can easily imagine singing that out.
I don't personally connect with the emotion here. Choosing to be someone's rebound seems odd to me, like it doesn't really matter whether they truly like you or not, as long as they will be your partner. But hey that could be just me!
Sounds like you've had plenty of other positive feedback before.
I don't think the hook here is quite as strong as 'Vinyl' but it all flows smoothly and structurally it all looks good.
____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
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| Posted: Sun Jun 2nd, 2019 05:25 pm |
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cmaja
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I like this lyric. I’d like to hear the music that goes with it. The chorus is clean and to the point. The verses seem to be structured differently. Is this intentional? Good job overall.
Charles
____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
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| Posted: Mon Jun 3rd, 2019 01:34 am |
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M.P. Dudash
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David, definitely has a modern country vibe to it with the subject matter and rhyme scheme. I would change the chorus line to I’ll pick up your heart as I feel that line is a bit wordy. Up to you. Btw, you may want to put a copyright © at the end along with your name and a date.
____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
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| Posted: Mon Jun 3rd, 2019 04:24 am |
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davidcpayne
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cmaja wrote:
I like this lyric. I’d like to hear the music that goes with it. The chorus is clean and to the point. The verses seem to be structured differently. Is this intentional? Good job overall.
Charles
https://soundcloud.com/user-94361224/rebound heres a soundcloud link so you can hear the music with it!
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| Posted: Mon Jun 3rd, 2019 04:31 am |
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davidcpayne
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M.P. Dudash wrote:
David, definitely has a modern country vibe to it with the subject matter and rhyme scheme. I would change the chorus line to I’ll pick up your heart as I feel that line is a bit wordy. Up to you. Btw, you may want to put a copyright © at the end along with your name and a date.
Thanks for the feedback, especially the copyright stuff ill definity start doing that. as for the other thing, i think if you listen to it (posted link above) it will clear up how that line fits
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| Posted: Mon Jun 3rd, 2019 12:21 pm |
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M.P. Dudash
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As good as anything currently on the radio.
____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
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