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I Can’t Believe
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Thu May 16th, 2019 07:52 am
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cmaja
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The format of this lyric is typical of blues songs of the early twentieth century.

I Can’t Believe
AABA
I can’t believe
My man is gone
I can’t believe
I was so wrong
What did I say
He went away
And I still grieve
Now the blues are my song

I can’t believe
I’ve been a fool
I can’t believe
Love is so cruel
Why did he go
I’ll never know
And I still cleave
Now the blues are my rule

Bridge:
I recall the things he told me, when he would hold me, was I untrue
I can’t understand his leaving, why I’m still grieving, can I pursue a man to believe in

I can’t believe
Our day is done
I can’t believe
He not the one
I must let go
Of love’s lost glow
My heart still grieves
And the blues now have won

(Repeat musical bridge)

I can’t believe
Our day is done
I can’t believe
He not the one
I must let go
Of love’s lost glow
My heart still cleaves
And the blues now have won

© 2018 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Thu Aug 1st, 2019 01:29 am by cmaja



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 Posted: Thu May 16th, 2019 09:40 am
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RainyDayMan
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I like this Charles. I can almost hear it playing.

I would like to hear the final line of each verse rhyming with lines 2 & 4, so rhyming with "gone" in verse 1, but it looks like you are specifically going for those lines to end in "blues" so I don't expect you will take up that suggestion!

I think the bridge is my favorite, but it's all strong.
Very nice write!



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 Posted: Thu May 16th, 2019 09:54 pm
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cmaja
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Thanks, RD Man... I could change the last line of each stanza, save the bridge, to:
(1) The blues are now my song,
(2) The blues are now my rule,
(4) and (5) And now the blues have won.
What do you think?

Charles



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 Posted: Thu May 16th, 2019 10:46 pm
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RainyDayMan
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That's a great idea!
"And now the blues have won." that's a killer line.

With the other two, you might follow suit:
(1) Now the blues are my song,
(2) Now the blues are my rule
especially if the melody allows you to sing out on the "blues" notes



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 Posted: Fri May 17th, 2019 01:28 am
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cmaja
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Alright, that made a difference! I had to change the previous lines to improve the flow and had to assure “blues” was the third syllable of the last. Thanks again, RD Man.


Charles

Last edited on Fri May 17th, 2019 02:02 am by cmaja



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