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Kiss me the stars
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Fri May 10th, 2019 07:49 pm
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Seamus
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Touch me the sky
kiss me the stars
caress me the music
of the honky tonk bars

hold me in the darkness
never let me go
take me to places
where music just flows

whisper sweet nothings
in the heat of the night
make love to the music
til dawn brings first light

touch me the sky
kiss me the stars
caress me the music
of the honky tonk bars

touch me the sky
kiss me the stars
caress me the music
of the honky tonk bars

CopyrightAlanEvans10052019

Last edited on Sat May 25th, 2019 04:10 am by Seamus



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 Posted: Sat May 11th, 2019 04:39 am
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cmaja
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Hi Alan,
I could hear the music immediately when I read this! It’s succinct and gives me a good feeling each time I read it. With the right country band it could be a easy hit! Good job.


Charles



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 Posted: Sat May 11th, 2019 07:54 am
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RainyDayMan
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That's really interesting the way you are using phrases like "Touch me the...", "kiss me the ..." etc
I don't think I've ever seen that done before. Gives it a unique feeling.

It has a good rhythm to it, which supports Charles' comments.

Nice! :)



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 Posted: Sat May 11th, 2019 11:57 pm
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Andrea
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I really like this- it's pretty. It easily played in my head.

I might suggest:
"take me to places
where the music does flow" :where the music flows



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 Posted: Mon May 20th, 2019 05:30 am
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Kel
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Hi Seamus,

Nice effort. It really flows and is fairly consistent throughout.

Some minor touches and I think this could be real sweet...

caress me the music
played in honky tonk bars...

take me to places
where music just flows...

make love to me sweetheart
Till dawn sings first light.

There are some ideas, it's more the flow rather than the exact words, but IMO the last lines don't sit right as is.

Of course, keep or sweep as you see fit.

Cheers,
Kel



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 Posted: Mon May 20th, 2019 10:26 am
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Seamus
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You have offered some good options I will definitely use some of your offerings, thanks for looking and commenting.



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 Posted: Tue May 21st, 2019 09:22 am
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Seamus
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Thank you for looking and commenting.



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 Posted: Sat May 25th, 2019 04:06 am
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Seamus
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slightly altered.



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 Posted: Sat May 25th, 2019 04:29 am
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RainyDayMan
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Nice! Even smoother :)



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 Posted: Sat Mar 7th, 2020 09:31 pm
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Seamus2
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Gracias amigo

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 Posted: Sat Jul 11th, 2020 09:33 pm
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MASempine
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I suspecct this one is done. The flow is great. I don't "get" the kiss me the stars part but hey --its a song.
I don't have to. I just have to listen.



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