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What Do You Dream
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Wed May 8th, 2019 06:29 am
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cmaja
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What Do You Dream
Verse/Chorus
Chorus:    
What do you dream when you lay sleeping
What do you dream when night surrounds you
Do you think of you and me as whole
Or can it be that I’m a single soul
What do you dream alone in your heart

Verse 1:    
Throughout the day in every place
In every soul I search for your face
We shared a dream that came from above
You came to my side and gave me your love
But I am with her and you’re with him
(or, “But you are with her and I’m with him”)
And we pretend it’s just a whim

Chorus: (as above)
What do you dream when you lay sleeping
What do you dream when night surrounds you
Do you think of you and me as whole
Or can it be that I’m a single soul
What do you dream alone in your heart
 
Verse 2:    
Day after day, night after night
In every way I pray for insight
So give me a sign that you want our love
And call for relief from Heaven above    
To release this dream for all to know
And not pretend it won’t be so

Chorus: (as above)  
What do you dream when you lay sleeping
What do you dream when night surrounds you
Do you think of you and me as whole
Or can it be that I’m a single soul
What do you dream alone in your heart

Bridge:
Do you recall the kiss and the embrace
All could see the love upon your face
Mother Nature sang so joyfully
Far beyond a dream it was to me

Chorus: (as above)
What do you dream when you lay sleeping
What do you dream when night surrounds you
Do you think of you and me as whole
Or can it be that I’m a single soul
What do you dream alone in your heart

Post Chorus:
What do you dream at night in your heart

© 1995 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Thu May 9th, 2019 03:11 am by cmaja

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 Posted: Wed May 8th, 2019 11:20 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Overall it has a good structure and feel to it Charles.
Feels like it will come out slower and plaintive.

I like your choice to start with the chorus for this one.

Morally, staying together with the current spouse (But I live with her and you with him) whilst yearning for the one dreamt of feels a bit off - like trying to have the best of both worlds. But that's not a songwriting issue! Although it may make the narrator less likeable.

In your chorus, the third use of "dream" in line 3 was starting to feel repetitious to me. If there is a way to rewrite that to avoid "dream" that might be helpful.

The phrasing on this one felt a little awkward:
Far beyond a dream it was to me

But mostly it flows very smoothly.

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 Posted: Wed May 8th, 2019 11:49 pm
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Andrea
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Hi Charles, I like these yearning for true love lyrics. I think you could get rid of the other "spouses" and have it just be about the 2 people. It has some good feeling and I think it would be strong without that part.

"Do you dream of you and me as whole
Or can it be that I’m a single soul" - I think this fits the 2 person story better.



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 Posted: Thu May 9th, 2019 03:27 am
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cmaja
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Hi RD Man and Andrea,
I changed the third line in the chorus from “dream” to “think” to lessen the repetition. It works better. Also changed the last line in the first verse to get rid of “live” to show that it’s about unmarried people, which was my intention. But, I guess, it is easy to interpret it otherwise. Thanks for your suggestions.

Last edited on Thu May 9th, 2019 03:27 am by cmaja

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 Posted: Thu May 9th, 2019 03:32 am
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RainyDayMan
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Cool!

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 Posted: Thu May 9th, 2019 02:52 pm
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Andrea
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I like it better, but I am not quite sold. I guess I just don't understand needing the part about being with other people. I feel the lyrics are mostly about him pining for her. Desiring her to want to be with him, loving him. Just my personal take. Hopefully some more people will offer feedback soon.

In any case, I like it very much :)



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 Posted: Wed May 15th, 2019 05:41 pm
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cmaja
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Hi, Andrea,
The lyric is based on songs by England Dan and John Ford Coley, Ambrosia, and Restless Heart.

Charles

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