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Stormy Days Ahead
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 Posted: Fri Apr 26th, 2019 08:10 am
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cmaja
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Stormy Days Ahead
Verse/Chorus
Verse 1:
It was a sunny May when that gal said hey
Kinda shy, she sparkled with sky-blue eyes
Sometimes she was fun when she’d think out loud
Then she said our love is done and stormed away with dark clouds

Chorus:
Although my daddy always said
There’re days you wish you were dead
Although I try to dispute it
I’m unable to refute it
Although there’re times you’ll dearly dread
There’re always stormy days ahead

Verse 2:
She was a summer treat, cooled me in the heat
Hair a blushing blond, she saw things beyond
Sometimes she was cold, said just go away
Then she said our love’s grown old, wind in hair she left that day

Chorus: (as above)
Although my daddy always said
There’re days you wish you were dead
Although I try to dispute it
I’m unable to refute it
Although there’re times you’ll dearly dread
There’re always stormy days ahead

Verse 3:
With changing leaves I was relieved to see her
Flashed a loving smile, said she’d just hangout
Winter came meanwhile, thought she’d leave, no doubt
But throughout stormy weather we work it out together

Chorus: (as above)
Although my daddy always said
There’re days you wish you were dead
Although I try to dispute it
I’m unable to refute it
Although there’re times you’ll dearly dread
There’re always stormy days ahead

Post Chorus:
There’re always stormy days ahead
Always stormy days ahead
Stormy days ahead

© 2019 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Wed May 1st, 2019 05:27 pm by cmaja



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 Posted: Sat Apr 27th, 2019 12:21 am
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RainyDayMan
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I would ease back on the internal rhymes if it were my song, but I accept that is a personal preference. I've seen commercial songs written this way.
Every other line with the internal rhyme sounds better to my ear. Something like:
It was a sunny spring when I met that thing
She was a shy kinda girl with these sky-blue eyes

the second rhyme is still sorta there but de-emphasized.

The feeling I get from the verses is upbeat and bouncy and I can't quite reconcile that with the bleak lyric of the chorus. Have you written music for it yet?

I like the seasons theme and the link with stormy days ahead. That seems to work well.



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 Posted: Sat Apr 27th, 2019 12:35 am
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Kel
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Hey there,

I like this one, and agree with Owen re toning down the internal rhymes a tad. They always work well, but as a highlight, not the main colour IMO.

My only other though is to lose "somehow stay together". I think "work at staying together" has a better message, that love takes effort, not luck.

My thoughts fwtw.

Cheers,
Kel



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 Posted: Sat Apr 27th, 2019 08:42 am
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cmaja
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Okay, Kel and RD Man.
I took what you said to heart and changed the verses a bit. Check it out.

As for the chorus, it stays the same. My father always spoke of death in a very positive light and looked forward to it. He looked at challenges and problems with the same positive outlook. The contrast of death highlights life.

Charles



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 Posted: Sat Apr 27th, 2019 08:52 am
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cmaja
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Also, RD Man,
I haven’t sent it to any of the composers I’m working with. They’re still dealing with the dozen lyrics I’ve already sent them.

Charles



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 Posted: Sat Apr 27th, 2019 11:59 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Ok. I'll have to wait! ;)
I think you're heading in the right direction but I'd prefer to hear it before adding more comments.



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 Posted: Sun Apr 28th, 2019 12:55 am
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cmaja
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Yea, RD Man. It’ll probably change a bit once music’s put to it and the singer has her inputs to add.

Charles



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 Posted: Wed May 1st, 2019 12:18 pm
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SongWriterJoe
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"That thing"? Maybe "cute lil' thing". Sounds very depersonalizing. I don't know too many who would care to be referred to as a "thing", unless that's their kink.

SWJ



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 Posted: Wed May 1st, 2019 02:43 pm
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Andrea
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SongWriterJoe wrote:
"That thing"? Maybe "cute lil' thing". Sounds very depersonalizing. I don't know too many who would care to be referred to as a "thing", unless that's their kink.

SWJ


I am on the same page as Joe. I read this a while back, and this was my gut reaction. I was put off by the use of "That Thing".



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 Posted: Thu May 30th, 2019 10:43 pm
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cmaja
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Okay, first line changed to:
It was a sunny day in May when that gal said hey

Charles



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 Posted: Mon Jun 3rd, 2019 02:45 am
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M.P. Dudash
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Charles, I think the idea is there I just feel it could be cut down some. Though I can’t hear how you intend it some of the lines seem quite long. Just my take.



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 Posted: Mon Jun 3rd, 2019 03:45 am
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cmaja
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Thanks, Mike, for your input. I could shorten it or leave it and let the composer/singer chew on it and then change it. My lyric Unemployment Blues has some pretty lengthy lines but the singer took in all in and didn’t change a word. I thought he would have balked at the wordiness of it but no. Sometimes long lines work, except long unemployment lines.

Charles



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