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| Posted: Fri Mar 29th, 2019 08:17 am |
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cmaja
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To my brothers-in-arms who served in ‘Nam.
Re-Visions of War
AABA
Was it the bullets
Was it the bombings
How ‘bout the bodies
The blood in 3D
The jarring explosions
And the scars we don’t see
What was forever
What was forgotten
Each day a treasure
But none without strife
For those who have lived
And those in the next life
Bridge:
Back in the world in the land of the free
We fight in our nightmares of PTSD
They drip down in dribbles into our dreams
Build to crescendo in silence and screams
After these dark dreams of war without ends
We awaken in anguish, seeking amends
Why do we hide it
Why do we abide
When we revisit
Re-visions of war
Traumatic tattoos
On our hearts we abhor
Coda:
Why do we hide it
Why do we abide
When we revisit
Re-visions of war
Dramatic abuse
From the days we pay for
© 2018 Charles M AndersonAttachment: E9B4BB12-D66C-4ED2-A138-C6A8749F3A80.jpeg (Downloaded 35 times) Last edited on Wed Jul 31st, 2019 07:18 am by cmaja
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| Posted: Fri Mar 29th, 2019 03:57 pm |
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M.P. Dudash
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Charles, cool write. I’m not sure it fits in with the country theme though. I place this with more of a metal edge. I especially like the bridge. Very vivid imagery. The one word I think I would change is crescendo (with) instead of in, that’s just my take though, but overall it works. Nice job
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| Posted: Fri Mar 29th, 2019 05:19 pm |
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Andrea
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Hey Charles, I really like this. It goes straight to the heart and mind.
I agree with M.P. - It has the makings of a great metal song.
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| Posted: Fri Mar 29th, 2019 06:16 pm |
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cmaja
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It’s funny what genre people think it should be. My daughter, a hard rocker, thinks it would be solid metal. The other machine gunner, I was in country with, says it’d make a good country song. The AABA format is typical blues. I think it depends on who composes the music. I didn’t write it with any particular genre in mind.
Charles
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| Posted: Sat Mar 30th, 2019 06:05 am |
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SongWriterJoe
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That bridge is very good;
excellent meter and flow. Very poignant. Possible suggestion:
Was it the bullets, the bombings, the bodies..
The blood in 3D?
Or jarring explosions that created
The scars we don’t see?
SWJLast edited on Sat Mar 30th, 2019 06:09 am by SongWriterJoe
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| Posted: Sat Mar 30th, 2019 06:24 am |
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cmaja
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Hey, SWJoe,
Thanks for the suggestion. Let me revisit that.
Charles
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| Posted: Sun Mar 31st, 2019 08:25 am |
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cmaja
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SWJoe,
I couldn’t find the suggested revision to work. I’d have to redo the other two A-stanzas and the coda to match it and they weren’t coming out right.
Charles
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| Posted: Sun Mar 31st, 2019 09:17 pm |
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Seamus
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We'll never have peace, killing each other's children.
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| Posted: Sun Mar 31st, 2019 11:42 pm |
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cmaja
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All my battles were kill or watch your brothers die. What choice does one have? God knows what I’ve done. Surely He is the most understanding and forgiving. Peace lies in submission unto Him.
Charles
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Hi Charles,
I really like the lyric, but think the last line (if the w***s is what I think it is leaves a bad taste. I know that young men in a hard place with an uncertain future may need such an escape, and have no issue with the practice, just putting it into song...
How about something like:
Why do we hide it
Why do we abide
Traumatic tattoos
For cadre and corps,
When we revisit
Our visions of war.
Corps may seem to single out USMC which is why I've used it with a no capital, but I mean no offence to army, navy or air force vets.
Like my use of corps, re-visions will sound like revisions, and some may think re-writing the war, which is the last thing you'd be thinking, I'm sure.
With respect,
Kel
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cmaja
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The “w” word is used 65 times in the KJV of the Bible. I’m not put off by its use and I doubt any veteran is. It’s suppose to leave a bad taste. But thanks for your suggestions and insights. The re-visions of war visited me two nights ago.
CharlesLast edited on Thu Apr 4th, 2019 05:54 am by cmaja
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cmaja
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Changed to:
Traumatic tattoos
On our hearts we abhor
Charles
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| Posted: Sun Jun 23rd, 2019 04:51 pm |
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cmaja
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Kel wrote:
Hi Charles,
I really like the lyric, but think the last line (if the w***s is what I think it is leaves a bad taste. I know that young men in a hard place with an uncertain future may need such an escape, and have no issue with the practice, just putting it into song...
How about something like:
Why do we hide it
Why do we abide
Traumatic tattoos
For cadre and corps,
When we revisit
Our visions of war.
Corps may seem to single out USMC which is why I've used it with a no capital, but I mean no offence to army, navy or air force vets.
Like my use of corps, re-visions will sound like revisions, and some may think re-writing the war, which is the last thing you'd be thinking, I'm sure.
With respect,
Kel
Hi Kel,
I forgot to respond to your suggestions. Yes, I don’t want to make a focus on any particular military branch or war. It’s about PTSD.
It is a rewriting of the war. That what our dreams do. Even to a point where we are strangely fighting dinosaurs instead of the enemy fought in our respective wars. So ‘re-visions’ has a double meaning. One is seeing the war again and the other is revising it to a point where we fight hundreds of different wars. And some of them are quite horrific.
Charles
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