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Nobody Sees
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 Posted: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019 07:32 am
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cmaja
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Nobody Sees
AABA
Nobody sees all the love I see
Nobody sees how you rescued me
I’d fallen down, you lifted me
I lost all hope, you heard my plea
When doors were locked, you turned the key
With each mistake I made you gently guided me
Nobody sees, nobody sees... but me

Nobody sees all my love for you
Nobody sees how you changed my view
You brought me out, when I withdrew
I lived a lie, you made it true
I needed love and you came through
And everyday I faced you made it new for me
Nobody sees, nobody sees... but me

Bridge:
Lost within myself and couldn’t see the chains possessing me
You broke through and unveiled a love that’s truly blessing me

(Alternate Bridge:
You stood by me through the years
Though it was dark, I couldn't see
You healed my heart, dried my tears
Your love, your light has set me free)

Nobody sees all your love so bright
Nobody sees how you set things right
My days were dark, you shined a light
I was afraid, you were my knight
My heart was blind, you gave it sight
And every wrong I faced you made it right for me
Nobody sees, nobody sees... but me

Coda:
Yes, nobody sees, nobody sees, no, no, no... nobody sees... but me...

© 2019 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Tue Jan 14th, 2020 07:09 am by cmaja



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 Posted: Sun Mar 24th, 2019 06:27 am
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RainyDayMan
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It reads like an old fashioned love song. I don't mean that in any pejorative sense, just in terms of style.
Do you have music in mind for it?

The 7 line verses are interesting, but totally workable.

I think you've done very well using the "Nobody sees" lines.
Opening the first two lines of each verse with that, and then ending the same way really hammers it home, but provides that break in between.

Using the same rhyme throughout each verse is a clever accomplishment, but I worry it may tire the ear. You might consider breaking that a little. Depending on how you see the lines working together you might be able to use a rhyming structure something like
....A
....A
....me
....A
....A
...key
Nobody sees, nobody sees... but me
i.e intersperse the "ee" sound from your "Nobody but me" phrase into your otherwise single sound rhymes

I'm less keen on "my might", just the way that sounds when run together.



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 Posted: Sun Mar 24th, 2019 07:54 am
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cmaja
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I appreciate your input. I’d have to wait until it’s sung out before I’d change it. I vision that the four stanzas could be sung without a break, repeat the bridge —music only— and repeat the last stanza, building to the coda.



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 Posted: Sun Mar 24th, 2019 12:47 pm
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Andrea
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Hi Charles, This is a pretty love song. It has a really nice flow. I like a the verses best. The bridge didn't hit home for me as much.

One typo check: "And everyday I face you made it new for me"
And everyday I 'faced' you made it new for me



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 Posted: Sun Mar 24th, 2019 04:56 pm
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cmaja
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Thanks for the correction Andrea.



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 Posted: Wed Jul 3rd, 2019 02:29 am
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cmaja
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Andrea wrote:
Hi Charles, This is a pretty love song. It has a really nice flow. I like a the verses best. The bridge didn't hit home for me as much.

Yea, Andrea, I changed the bridge, the old one was a little mushy. Check out the revision.

Charles



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 Posted: Wed Jul 3rd, 2019 03:21 am
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RainyDayMan
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Nice!



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 Posted: Thu Jul 4th, 2019 12:59 pm
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Andrea
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Hi Charles, I don't recall the first bridge, but this seems to work. The lyrics are really beautiful.

One thought that I am not sure about: maybe the bridge could be a bit different than the rest. Maybe something where he/she speaks directly to the other person.

off the top of my head:

You stood by me
through all these years
even when I couldn't see
you opened my eyes
you healed my heart
your love and your light
has saved me



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 Posted: Sat Jul 6th, 2019 09:06 pm
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cmaja
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Good idea, Andrea, I’ll have to look into it. Thanks,

Charles



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 Posted: Tue Jan 14th, 2020 07:13 am
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cmaja
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Andrea wrote:
Hi Charles, I don't recall the first bridge, but this seems to work. The lyrics are really beautiful.

One thought that I am not sure about: maybe the bridge could be a bit different than the rest. Maybe something where he/she speaks directly to the other person.

off the top of my head:

You stood by me
through all these years
even when I couldn't see
you opened my eyes
you healed my heart
your love and your light
has saved me


Thanks Andrea. I added an alternate bridge based on your suggestion. I think it sounds better than the original. I shoulda done this long ago but somehow it slipped my mind.


Charles



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