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 Posted: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019 08:10 am
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cmaja
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Eighteen Wheels
Verse/Chorus
Verse 1:
Rolling out of Kankakee
To Chattanooga, East Tennessee
Down fifty-seven to twenty-four
Three stops or four not any more
A quick offload and I’ll be free
Make a dash to Tallahassee
Call my girl Rhonda, she’s so fine
I’ll be there around eight or nine

Chorus:
Eighteen wheels of rubber and steel
Dual air brakes to stop this ordeal
Fifteen hours, drive day and night
Highways galore no end in sight
Eighteen wheels press hard on the road
Fourteen more stops to rid this load
Thirteen gears forward, two reverse
Somedays are fine, others I curse

Verse 2:
West on ten to Baton Rouge
The time we lost she misconstrues
She harbors some concerns from before
Chalk it up to the road once more
A drop in Jackson, Memphis too
Spend a night outside old St. Lou
Five more stops to North Caroline
Hope I’ll see her on down the line

Chorus: (as above)
Eighteen wheels of rubber and steel
Dual air brakes to stop this ordeal
Fifteen hours, drive day and night
Highways galore no end in sight
Eighteen wheels press hard on the road
Fourteen more stops to rid this load
Thirteen gears forward, two reverse
Somedays are fine, others I curse

Break:
Eighteen wheel to work this gig
Someday I’ll buy my own rig
Make my time to fit my life
Hope someday she’ll be my wife

Chorus: (as above)
Eighteen wheels of rubber and steel
Dual air brakes to stop this ordeal
Fifteen hours, drive day and night
Highways galore no end in sight
Eighteen wheels press hard on the road
Fourteen more stops to rid this load
Thirteen gears forward, two reverse
Somedays are fine, others I curse

Post Chorus:
Eighteen wheels on highways diverse
Someday dare fine, others I curse

© 2019 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Wed Oct 23rd, 2019 06:06 am by cmaja



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 Posted: Sat Mar 23rd, 2019 11:15 am
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Kel
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Hi Charles,

Life on the road is always good fodder for songs, and you've done fairly well here.

A couple of points for mine: I don't think the number of stops is required, however if they are important to you, I think they belong in the verse as part of moving the story forward. As it is, there are a few stops left in each verse and a whole lot more in the chorus!

Decide what you want your chorus to be, one thing only. Either the details about the truck (ho hum) or the ordeal of being away from home all the time, which is more emotional, therefore, more interesting. Not both.

Being from Australia, I don't know the routes or the geography, but make sure you have them right.

A songwriting coach I had implores all his students to never have the title in the bridge. Kiss of death, he calls it. He has awards I don't , so I listen to his advice. At least think about it. Also, it seems that if life on the road is such an ordeal, why would he want to buy his own rig. I could understand that if he loved the travelling life, but not if all he wants to do is get back to Rhonda.

Just a few tweaks to consider, my thoughts to lose or use.

Cheers,
Kel



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 Posted: Sat Mar 23rd, 2019 10:04 pm
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Seamus
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This is really good, I could hear it sung slowly in a really deep voice as I was reading it, well done a great job.



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 Posted: Sat Mar 23rd, 2019 11:35 pm
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cmaja
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I wrote this lyric for one of my composers, who trucks to supplement his income. It needs to be sung quickly, since it a traveling type lyric.

I was a navigator flying C-130s in the USAF and we’d fly missions similar to what a trucker does. Time, distance, speed and logistics are a part of the very fabric of me. So in writing it all the numbers (32) were used to give the feeling of what the driver is focusing on to complete the mission. Also the stuff he’s thinking about, his girl, on the long boring road. The numbers and the places he goes to add to the rhythm of the lyric and keep it moving.

I broke all the rules in the bridge purposely because I wanted to keep the fast pace up. The lines are shorter than the other stanzas on purpose. It not a true bridge or a pre or post chorus either. But like a trucker thinks of weight and size before crossing, just truck over the bridge quickly.

My other posted lyric ‘Nobody Sees’ in pop has a proper bridge.

Last edited on Sat Mar 23rd, 2019 11:37 pm by cmaja



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 Posted: Sun Mar 24th, 2019 07:02 am
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RainyDayMan
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There's a lot to like here Charles. :)

I particularly like the internal rhyme on the opening of the chorus:
Eighteen wheels of rubber and steel
And also the repeat on the eighteen wheels in the 2nd half but with a different ending. Repetition with variation.
And the various numbers of things across the whole of the chorus gives it a consistent feel.

Personally, I like the relationship elements with Rhonda more than the stop references, but this is a driving song so they have to be there. Depending on how broad you want your audience appeal to be, you might wind those back a little. But I did read your explanation as to the focus on those.
When writing for yourself you can choose any kind of structure and break whatever rules you want! If you are thinking of trying to market this one, then angle it towards what you think that audience might want.



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 Posted: Sun Mar 24th, 2019 08:41 am
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cmaja
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Thanks for the positive review. I sent this lyric to my trucker composer and depending on the requisites of him and the singer, I can make the necessary changes. He read the lyric for the first time while he was on the road. He loves it!



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 Posted: Sun Mar 24th, 2019 10:58 pm
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Andrea
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This is a great story. I am from the Northeast, USA and I can picture the route perfectly. My brother drives a truck and it hits home for me.

I do think Kel has a point that in V1 You say
"Down fifty-seven to twenty-four
Three stops or four not any more"

But in the chorus you say:

"Eighteen wheels press hard on the road
Fourteen more stops to rid this load"

Maybe a different load, but it is a contradiction.



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 Posted: Sun Mar 24th, 2019 11:46 pm
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cmaja
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Who knows how big his rig is; what type company he works for; when, what, how much or where he originally uploaded; how much he offloads on each stop or why he’s stopping anyway. I can’t get into those logistics; too tedious.



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 Posted: Fri Jul 26th, 2019 09:14 pm
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cmaja
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Kel wrote:

Decide what you want your chorus to be, one thing only. Either the details about the truck (ho hum) or the ordeal of being away from home all the time, which is more emotional, therefore, more interesting. Not both.

Being from Australia, I don't know the routes or the geography, but make sure you have them right.

A songwriting coach I had implores all his students to never have the title in the bridge. Kiss of death, he calls it. He has awards I don't , so I listen to his advice. At least think about it. Also, it seems that if life on the road is such an ordeal, why would he want to buy his own rig. I could understand that if he loved the travelling life, but not if all he wants to do is get back to Rhonda.

Cheers,
Kel


Hey Kel,
Reviewing this I didn’t answer some of your suggestions/questions:
1. The chorus: talking about the truck brings in truckers. The trucker, who I wrote this for, immediately identified with it. The dude’s home in the lyric is not identified, only Ronda’s. It’s about the toils of the road and Ronda is needed to better highlight those toils.
2. I spent 19 years as a navigator/logistician in the USAF. I know routes and geography. I also taught geography to HS students.
3. I changed the bridge to a break. And he’d want to buy his own rig because that’s what he’s always wanted to do. It’s in his blood. He want to get back to Rhonda because he loves her and wants to build a life with her as a trucker.

Charles



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 Posted: Mon Oct 21st, 2019 08:55 pm
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cmaja
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Hey Bunny, check it out! It’s the first country lyric I posted in March of this year.

Charles

Last edited on Mon Oct 21st, 2019 08:57 pm by cmaja



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 Posted: Mon Oct 21st, 2019 11:39 pm
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Mike Stacey
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I really enjoyed the song, the lyrics are very well written. I have great respect for truck drivers. I favor plane travel anymore don't care to much for long car rides.



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 Posted: Tue Oct 22nd, 2019 12:00 am
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SongWriterJoe
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cmaja wrote:
Eighteen Wheels
Verse/Chorus
Verse 1:
Rolling outta Kankakee
To Chattanooga Tennessee
Down fifty-seven to twenty-four
Three or four stops, then no more
Drop my load and then I'm free
Then on to Tallahassee
Call my girl Rhonda, she’s so fine
Make it in 'round eight or nine

© 2019 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Tue Oct 22nd, 2019 01:59 am by SongWriterJoe



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 Posted: Tue Oct 22nd, 2019 11:02 am
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bunnythesinger
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Way cool Charles, we seem to be on the same page a lot of the time.

Bunny



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 Posted: Wed Oct 23rd, 2019 06:09 am
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cmaja
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SongWriterJoe wrote:
cmaja wrote:
Eighteen Wheels
Verse/Chorus
Verse 1:
Rolling outta Kankakee
To Chattanooga Tennessee
Down fifty-seven to twenty-four
Three or four stops, then no more
Drop my load and then I'm free
Then on to Tallahassee
Call my girl Rhonda, she’s so fine
Make it in 'round eight or nine

© 2019 Charles M Anderson


Thanks SW Joe. I changed the next to last line.

Charles



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 Posted: Wed Oct 23rd, 2019 06:13 am
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cmaja
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Mike Stacey wrote:
I really enjoyed the song, the lyrics are very well written. I have great respect for truck drivers. I favor plane travel anymore don't care to much for long car rides.

Yea Mike, I’m a plane travel guy too. Flew C-130s in the USAF. I wrote this for a trucker composer I work with. Glad you like it. Did you check out Bunny’s trucker lyric?

Charles



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