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Tumbleweed
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 Posted: Thu Mar 14th, 2019 09:11 am
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Seamus
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Tumbleweed

I'm just drifting through this life
got no worries got no cares
nobody to answer to
don't need anyone to share

I'll live my life like this
until my light is dimmed
forever like tumbleweed
blowing in the wind

don't you be sad for me
I love my life this way
I have no one to tell me
what to do each day

always a new place to see
a different view every day
love the life on the road
won't have it any other way


I'll live my life like this
until my light is dimmed
forever like tumbleweed
blowing in the wind


I'll live my life like this
until my light is dimmed
forever like tumbleweed
blowing in the wind

CopyrightAlanEvans14032019

Last edited on Sat Mar 16th, 2019 08:22 pm by Seamus



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 Posted: Thu Mar 14th, 2019 09:58 am
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Kel
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Hi Alan,

I love the concept.

I'm thinking maybe start with two verses ahead of the chorus.

The third chorus can sit there between choruses just fine.

I think there are tweaks needed to get the rhythm consistent, so the stressed syllables fall in the same places for each verse.

For me the jury is out on "ain't"... I'm not sure it's the right "feel". "There's..." does the same job.

Cheers,
Kel



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 Posted: Fri Mar 15th, 2019 03:17 am
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RainyDayMan
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I like the overall feel of this. Real cowboy song.

Only line that felt a bit out was:
there ain't no one to share
which borders on sadness / loneliness whilst the rest doesn't go that way.

In your chorus you use "life" twice close together:
I'll live my life like this
until my life is dimmed

so I thought you could try
until my light is dimmed
to avoid that if you want.

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 Posted: Fri Mar 15th, 2019 08:06 am
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Seamus
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Thanks for that Owen, light makes more sense a much better fit.



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 Posted: Fri Mar 15th, 2019 01:21 pm
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Andrea
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Cool idea. I really like the chorus. forever like tumbleweed blowing in the wind - I see and I feel it!

I think you may have to tweak some lines to tighten it up.

I agree with Owen, "Only line that felt a bit out was:
there ain't no one to share"

That didn't feel right to me either. Here are some ideas to look at:

nobody to answer to
don't need no one to share - don't need a helping hand

Rhymes for cares: solitaire, open air, prayer, frontier, (any,some,every)where, fair, unfair, prepare, despair welfare aware, declare - just a few.



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 Posted: Fri Mar 15th, 2019 06:18 pm
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Seamus
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Thanks, I'd already changed some of those lines.



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 Posted: Fri Mar 15th, 2019 07:17 pm
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Andrea
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Looking good. I really like the feel of this. Hope you don't mind a couple more options?

When I read through it, I hear it with a couple different words. I am sure you hear it your own way too, so pardon if I sound like a pain. Here is what is in my head:

don't you be sad for me: Don't you dare be sad for me

a different view every day: a different view each day
love the life on the road: love the life upon the road



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