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Down Bound Train
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Fri Mar 8th, 2019 08:58 pm
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Kel
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Location: Brisbane, Australia
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https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13855807 or http://sclk.co/r/s88z7j

I put more into production that I usually do, still learning that aspect. Hope you like it.

Down Bound Train

Down-bound Train
Kel Abbott
Too many women
Call their exes me,
Must be my personality,
What can I say?
What can I say, to that?
Too many dollars,
Paid in alimony,
Must be my generosity,
You'd think I'd learn,
You'd think I'd learn by now, but, I'm

Chorus
Headin' south on a down-bound train,
No wise words, could ever explain,
What I'm doin' here,
What I'm doin' here, again.
Headin' south,
South on a down-bound train.

Too many barkeeps
Know the booze I drink,
Must be my sociability,
What can I say?
What can I say, to that?
Too many whiskeys,
Chasin' too much beer,
Must be why I always end up here,
You'd think I'd learn,
You'd think I'd learn by now, but I'm,

Chorus
Headin' south on a down-bound train,
No wise words, could ever explain,
What I'm doin' here,
What I'm doin' here, again.
Headin' south,
South on an down-bound train.

All aboard! All aboard!
Down Bound Train about to depart
All you need is a heavy heart...


Chorus
Headin' south on a down-bound train,
No wise words, could ever explain,
What I'm doin' here,
What I'm doin' here, again.
Headin' south,
South on an down-bound train.

Last edited on Thu Jul 4th, 2019 04:41 am by Kel



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Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% what I do about it. Scipio Africanus
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 Posted: Wed Jul 3rd, 2019 05:30 pm
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Kellyanneg
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Joined: Fri May 31st, 2019
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Great lyrics! I wasn't able to pull up the song for some reason.



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My soundcloud page...
https://soundcloud.com/kellyannegsongs
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 Posted: Thu Jul 4th, 2019 02:54 am
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jamestoffee
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Joined: Thu Apr 25th, 2019
Location: Bangkok, Thailand
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Favorite Artist: Sting, JohnMayer, SarahMcL,Yes, Beatles, CaitlinRose, Lush, SufjanStevens
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Link message says, "no such song, sorry."



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https://cjamesconrad.bandcamp.com/track/daddies-and-daughters?fbclid=IwAR0x-doQ40NUeeZZt6oinWwmJp0WMflxujn_3XM46lZFr6PPR0BJDQBoRuw

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandid=253763
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 Posted: Thu Jul 4th, 2019 04:41 am
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Kel
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Joined: Thu Feb 7th, 2019
Location: Brisbane, Australia
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jamestoffee wrote:
Link message says, "no such song, sorry."

Thanks James... I've updated the link... Soundclick must have changed it.

Cheers,

Kel



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Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% what I do about it. Scipio Africanus
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 Posted: Thu Jul 4th, 2019 06:15 pm
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jamestoffee
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The link works now.

Good start. The prosody didn't match my expectation, I was expecting a train beat or a minor bluesy. Instead it's more of a laid back swing, so the impression is a bit Que serĂ¡, serĂ¡ which also works.

Check for correct stress patterns and every day language use.

Examples
AL-i-mo-ny not al-i-mo-NY

"Call their exes me" awkward phrase



"All aboard! All aboard!
Down Bound Train about to depart
All you need is a heavy heart..."

This a great bridge to explain the song title and hook BUT it doesn't appear in the recording.

Verse 2 works well. You could add a verse about not holding a job to round out the woes (V1 -women, V2 -drink, V3 -job)

Thanks for sharing.

Last edited on Thu Jul 4th, 2019 06:16 pm by jamestoffee



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https://cjamesconrad.bandcamp.com/track/daddies-and-daughters?fbclid=IwAR0x-doQ40NUeeZZt6oinWwmJp0WMflxujn_3XM46lZFr6PPR0BJDQBoRuw

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandid=253763
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 Posted: Fri Jul 5th, 2019 11:20 pm
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SteveAlton
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I would tighten up the lyrics a little....Pay for a demo of it & bring in a Country Singer....First make certain your tune is done...

Nice lyrics and write

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