The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

Marjorie's Place
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Wed Feb 13th, 2019 12:47 am
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
Kel
Member
 

Joined: Thu Feb 7th, 2019
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 145
Favorite Artist: George Strait, Lee Kernaghan, Troy Cassar Daley, Adam Harvey
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Version 2 - I thought without the chorus, the verses needed more content...

Marjorie's Place two thousand and three
All day breakfast and the coffee was free
Aromas of donuts and bacon waft through,
Murmuring voices from counter and booth.
When the dust rolled on in from further out west
Marjorie's Place was a welcome rest...

Marjorie cooked and looked after her guests,
Her cousin Dan poured out coffee and swept.
The Mayor and the Sheriff, blue collar and white,
Come for a meal or just a quick bite,
Open all day and half of the night
Marjorie's Place lit by pink neon light.

Marjorie died in December oh four
Dan couldn't cope and he bolted the door.
Dust settled quickly, with no-one to sweep,
Folks just passing could not help but weep.
Ev'ry one came when they laid her to rest
Marjorie's Place had always been blessed

I came home got the keys in two thousand ten
At the counter her spirit stood notepad and pen,
I mopped and I swept, polished timber and brass
Till the sparkle was back in the mirrors and glass.
Opened the door and the crowd bustled in,
“Marjorie's Place, is open again!”

“Marjorie's Place, is open again!”




++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Version 1
Marjorie's Place two thousand and three
All day breakfast and the coffee was free
When the dust rolled in from further out west
Marjorie's Place was a welcome rest.

Marjorie cooked and looked after her guests,
Her cousin Dan poured out coffee and swept.
Open all day and half of the night
Marjorie's Place was a welcome sight.

Marjorie died in December oh four
Dan couldn't cope and he bolted the door
Ev'ry one came when they laid her to rest
Marjorie's Place had always been blessed.

(Musical interlude.)

I came got the keys in two thousand ten
At the counter her spirit stood notepad and pen,
She smiled at me when I walked on in, said
“Marjorie's Place, is open again!”

Marjorie's Place, is open again... (repeat to fade)

Last edited on Wed Feb 20th, 2019 01:38 am by Kel



____________________
Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% what I do about it. Scipio Africanus
Back To Top 


 Posted: Wed Feb 13th, 2019 02:38 am
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1129
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
Kel, I’d be interested to her this one put to music. My favorite verse is verse 4 I like the line at the counter her spirit stood notepad and pen.



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
Back To Top


 Posted: Wed Feb 13th, 2019 02:43 am
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
samiamiamsam
Member


Joined: Mon Jun 18th, 2018
Location: Charlotte , North Carolina USA
Posts: 753
Favorite Artist: Beatles, Pink Floyd, Leadbelly, Nirvana, REM, Leonard Cohen, Robert Johnson
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
That's awesome Kel. I would also like to hear this put to music.
I can picture it as a Jerry Reed type song. Upbeat with a killer guitar and a running bassline.
Pickin' and grinin'

Last edited on Wed Feb 13th, 2019 02:43 am by samiamiamsam



____________________
Here is my YouTube and SoundCloud page with some of my original music.

https://www.youtube.com/user/odomodometer
https://soundcloud.com/user-71329120
Back To Top 


 Posted: Fri Feb 15th, 2019 01:08 am
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5756
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
The verses and the story line are very strong!

It's hard to tell with the chorus, it will really depend on the music there. The words don't seem very memorable, but the way they are sung might be.



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top


 Posted: Fri Feb 15th, 2019 02:01 am
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
Kel
Member
 

Joined: Thu Feb 7th, 2019
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 145
Favorite Artist: George Strait, Lee Kernaghan, Troy Cassar Daley, Adam Harvey
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
RainyDayMan wrote:
The verses and the story line are very strong!

It's hard to tell with the chorus, it will really depend on the music there. The words don't seem very memorable, but the way they are sung might be.


Yes, very true. Could even drop the chorus as it really doesn't carry the story along... Great idea!



____________________
Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% what I do about it. Scipio Africanus
Back To Top 


 Posted: Fri Feb 15th, 2019 03:24 pm
  PMQuoteReply
6th Post
Andrea
Contributor
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 842
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Good story. My favorite verses are the first and last. I like the ending :)



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top


Current time is 02:36 pm

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1597 seconds (13% database + 87% PHP). 27 queries executed.