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Empty Glass
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 Posted: Tue Feb 12th, 2019 05:38 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Empty glass you remind me of my life
As we both sit empty inside
Lifeless and solemn, from top to the bottom
Is that sweat or a tear that you cry

Here we are just a shell of what we once were
We both have a need, and a thirst
I can clearly see through you, like most can with me
Empty glass Is this our destiny

You poured out what you could, like I did
And now we’re both void of a heart
You’re as cold as a women, when all love is lost
Empty glass at least you did your part

You leave a ring to remind me of what’s gone
And we both can be broken at times
We’ve passed through the hands of both love and hate
Empty glass I guess that’s our fate

You poured out what you could like I did
And like you I’m void of a heart
You’re as cold as a women, when all love is lost
Empty glass at least you did your part

Half empty or half full is how you see it
It depends, just which one you choose
The rocks on the inside, remind me of my life
Empty glass did I win or lose

Empty glass I’ll be back tomorrow
Or will you already be in a hand
At least for tonight, I’ll hold you tight
And we can talk till last call my friend

Empty glass, until we do this again


Copyright © M.P. Dudash 2/12/2019

Last edited on Mon Jul 22nd, 2019 02:24 pm by M.P. Dudash



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 Posted: Tue Feb 12th, 2019 08:24 pm
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TaylorM
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Wow. I really like the idea of the ring. That's a really nice connection I would have never thought of. Very clever.

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 Posted: Tue Feb 12th, 2019 08:31 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Thank you Taylor! I’ve already thought of some possible changes after reading it many times. Usually I try to only post as close to finished as I can but I’m not so sure about this one yet.



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 Posted: Tue Feb 12th, 2019 11:13 pm
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Kel
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Hi MP,

I like the concept, but find it way too wordy. Ernest Hemmingway was the master of saying things without words, and I really think as sonwriters we need to take a leaf out of his book.

For example:

Here we are just a shell of what we once were

could be:

We're a shell of what we were

I try to eliminate all the unnecessary words. Standouts are usually: just, that, and anything ending in ...ly! Really!

Did you know "Love Me Do" comprises only 17 words!

Unlike poetry which is written to be read, lyrics are written to be sung, and we need to make the singer's job as easy as possible (They're only singers, after all!)and write for singing, rather than reading. One way I do this is to read my lyrics aloud. This also helps to make sure the stresses are in the correct places, and what we write is rhythmic.

Anyhow, as I said I think this is a great first draft, and well worth going on with.

Cheers,
Kel



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 Posted: Wed Feb 13th, 2019 01:34 am
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M.P. Dudash
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Thanks for the look Kel. I am going to work on this one but want to make sure I maintain the meat of the lyrics. After reading and re reading I see where the work is need. Thanks for the input.



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 Posted: Wed Feb 13th, 2019 01:36 am
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samiamiamsam
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Another great one MP. My new favorite from you. Very emotional.

Last edited on Wed Feb 13th, 2019 02:39 am by samiamiamsam



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 Posted: Wed Feb 13th, 2019 01:43 am
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M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Sam!



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 Posted: Tue Feb 19th, 2019 12:26 pm
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Andrea
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This is very clever and interesting. I like it. I do agree with Kel though, it might be hard to sing.



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 Posted: Tue Feb 19th, 2019 02:28 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Andrea, this needs a total rework. I like the concept so when time allows I will look into it.



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Self teaching in progress
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