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M.P. Dudash
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Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1164
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
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We’re all born into a game
We’re dealt the same hand
Dying is the easy part
It’s living, most don’t understand

There’s winners and there’s losers
Everyone will play in time
You can’t change what you’ve been dealt
When you’re the next in line

When you’re the next in line
Only time and love are all that really matter
When you’re the next in line
You’ll look back on the good times and the laughter

Goodbye is never easy
Especially when it’s for the final time
So make the best out of life, say you’ve fought the fight
When you’re the next in line

Every mountain starts to crumble
As it fades away from youth
And many are not blessed with
The chance to see this truth

Cause the line keeps on moving
Every second of each day
Yes there will come a time, emotions will run high
When you’re next in line

When you’re the next in line
Only time and love are all that really matter
When you’re the next in line
You’ll look back on the good times with some sadness

Goodbye is never easy
Especially when it’s for the final time
So make the best of this life, say you’ve fought the fight
When you’re the next in line

When you’re the next in line
May you find the light before yours fades away
Before you’re next in line
Take every chance there is to take

When you’re the next in line
May your goodbyes all fall into place
When you’re the next in line, may forgiveness you find
When you’re the next in.....line....


Copyright © M.P. Dudash 2/9/2019

Last edited on Sat Feb 16th, 2019 02:38 pm by M.P. Dudash

Kel
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Joined: Thu Feb 7th, 2019
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 145
Favorite Artist: George Strait, Lee Kernaghan, Troy Cassar Daley, Adam Harvey
I am a: Songwriter
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Hi MP,

Not sure if you meant it, but I could hear a very distinct Johnny Cash type life lesson in this one.

The only thing for me is it seems to wander around a bit, lacking a reason for paying attention to what is being said.

I suggest pulling this one apart and making it relatable to me, the listener. This is coming off like a teacher saying do what I say, not this is what happened to me, and it could happen to you too.

I really think it will be worth the effort.

Cheers,
Kel

Last edited on Wed Feb 13th, 2019 04:40 am by Kel

RainyDayMan
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Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5813
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
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I have mixed feelings on this one.

I really like the overall vibe, and the "next in line" hook works for me.

By the end, I felt like it was repeating itself more than developing though. The idea didn't seem to have anywhere to go.

You might try:
Only time and love... > Time and love ...

I think you might need to work on:
may forgiveness you find
that felt an awkward wording.

But there's more here to like than not.

DaveKell
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< Removed at DaveKell's request>

Last edited on Sat May 11th, 2019 03:27 am by RainyDayMan

M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1164
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
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Thanks for the comments, this one still needs lots of work.


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