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It Don't Feel As Right As It Did
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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 01:23 am
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Kel
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It Don't Feel As Right As It Did

Think about 90bpm, maybe a little more...

Calling this one done and dusted...

[ 1]
Laughter subsides
A little sooner these days.
Smiles seem to fade,
They no longer light up your face.
Not sure when it started,
Not sure where it's all goin' to end.


[Chorus]
It no longer seems
We're two peas in a pod,
Who can say everything
With a wink a a nod,
And for having each other
So grateful to God, but
It don't feel like when we were kids, no
It don't feel as right as it did.



[ 2]
Hugs aren't as tight,
As they were before,
Kisses don't linger
Don't tingle the spine anymore.
Not sure where it's going,
It's just somewhere I don't want to be.



[Chorus]
It no longer seems
We're two peas in a pod,
Who can say everything
With a wink a a nod,
And for having each other
So grateful to God, but
It don't feel like when we were kids, no
It don't feel as right as it did.



[Bridge]
Can you remember that warm summer night
We danced on the pitcher's mound under the lights,
And we promised forever
When forever was never in sight!



[Chorus]
It no longer seems
We're two peas in a pod,
Who can say everything
With a wink a a nod,
And for having each other
So grateful to God,
Let's go back to like when we were kids?
We can make it feel right like it did...

Let's make it feel right like it did.


Version 3

Laughter subsides
A little sooner these days.
Smiles seem to fade,
They no longer light up your face.
Not sure when it started,
Not sure where it's all goin' to end.


It no longer seems
We're two peas in a pod,
Who can say everything
With a wink a a nod,
And for having each other
So grateful to God,
It don't feel as right as it did, no
It don't feel as right as it did.

Hugs aren't as tight,
As they were before,
Kisses don't linger
Don't tingle the spine anymore.
Not sure where it's going,
It's just somewhere I don't want to be.

It no longer seems
We're two peas in a pod,
Who can say everything
With a wink a a nod,
And for having each other
So grateful to God,
It don't feel as right as it did, no
It don't feel as right as it did.


Can you remember that warm summer night
We danced on the pitcher's mound under flood lights.
When we promised forever
Not know how long that would be...


It no longer seems
We're two peas in a pod,
Who can say everything
With a wink a a nod,
And for having each other
So grateful to God,
It don't feel as right as it did, no
It don't feel as right as it did.

It don't feel as right as it did, no
It don't feel as right as it did.

Version 2.

[1]
Laughter subsides
A little sooner these days.
Smiles seem to fade,
They no longer light up your face.
Not sure when it started,
Not sure where it's all goin' to end.

[Chorus]
It don't feel as right
As a warm summer night
It don't feel as good
Like we both know it should.
It no longer seems
We're two peas in a pod,
Who can say everything
With a wink and a nod,
And for having each other
So grateful to God,
No it don't feel as right, any more
It don't feel as right as it did.

[2]
Hugs aren't as tight,
Or as often no more,
Kisses don't linger
Don't tingle the spine anymore.
Not sure where it's going,
It's just somewhere I don't want to be.

[Chorus]
It don't feel as right
As a warm summer night
It don't feel as good
Like we both know it should.
It no longer seems
We're two peas in a pod,
Who can say everything
With a wink and a nod,
And for having each other
So grateful to God,
No it don't feel as right, any more
It don't feel as right as it did.


It don't feel as right
As a warm summer night
It don't feel as good
Like we both know it should.
It no longer seems
We're two peas in a pod,
Who can say everything
With a wink and a nod,
And for having each other
So grateful to God,
No it don't feel as right, any more
It don't feel as right as it did.

No it don't feel as right, any more
It don't feel as right as it did.

Version 1

[ 1]
Laughter subsides
A little sooner these days.
Smiles seem to fade,
They no longer light up your face.
Not sure when it started,
Not sure when it's all goin' to end.


[Chorus]
It don't feel as right
As a warm summer night
It don't feel as good
Like we both know it should.
It no longer seems
We're two peas in a pod,
Who can say everything
With a wink and a nod,
And for having each other
So grateful to God,
No it don't feel as right, any more
It don't feel as right as it did.

[ 2]
Hugs aren't as tight,
Or as often no more,
Kisses don't linger
Don't tingle the spine to the core.
Not sure where it's going,
Just it's somewhere I don't want to be.

[Chorus]
It don't feel as right
As a warm summer night
It don't feel as good
Like we both know it should.
It no longer seems
We're two peas in a pod,
Who can say everything
With a wink and a nod,
And for having each other
So grateful to God,
No it don't feel as right, any more
It don't feel as right as it did.


[Chorus]
It don't feel as right
As a warm summer night
It don't feel as good
Like we both know it should.
It no longer seems
We're two peas in a pod,
Who can say everything
With a wink and a nod,
And for having each other
So grateful to God,
No it don't feel as right, any more
It don't feel as right as it did.

No it don't feel as right, any more
It don't feel as right as it did.

Last edited on Tue Feb 12th, 2019 12:55 am by Kel



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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 01:46 am
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samiamiamsam
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I can definitely picture this with music. It has a nice flow to it. Lyrics are fun and catchy.



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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 03:00 am
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M.P. Dudash
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Kel, first let me welcome you. It’s nice to see a new face in the country section. Tends to be where I hang other than the few gospel songs I try my hand at. You touch on a subject that most can relate to at one point or another. I always refer relatable songs rather than those with me real topic. Probably the one issue I have is v1 line 4. I say swap lines 3 and 4 or maybe shorten line 4. The rest seems to work, nice job.



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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 03:15 am
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Kel
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samiamiamsam wrote:
I can definitely picture this with music. It has a nice flow to it. Lyrics are fun and catchy.

Thanks, much appreciated.

M.P. Dudash wrote:
Kel, first let me welcome you. It’s nice to see a new face in the country section. Tends to be where I hang other than the few gospel songs I try my hand at. You touch on a subject that most can relate to at one point or another. I always refer relatable songs rather than those with me real topic. Probably the one issue I have is v1 line 4. I say swap lines 3 and 4 or maybe shorten line 4. The rest seems to work, nice job.

Thanks M.P. I checked it out, but it works nicely with the melody I have. I'll keep it in mind though as I start working on the music in detail.

Cheers,
Kel

Last edited on Fri Feb 8th, 2019 03:18 am by Kel



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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 07:47 am
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RainyDayMan
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Overall, I think this is quite strong. So some sugs, but relatively minor things.

They no longer light up your face. > They don't light up your face.
(to match the syllable count of the line 2)

Not sure when it's all goin' to end. > Not sure where it's all goin' to end.
(I think when, then where works better)

In your chorus, the last two lines not rhyming stood out to me because all the others do.
Maybe: It don't feel as right as before

"Don't tingle the spine to the core."
This is also noticeably longer than line 2.

Just it's > It's just
(feels more natural)



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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 09:40 am
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Kel
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G'day Rainy,

Nice to see another Aussie, makes it so much easier to read your accent!

Thanks for the tips, I've had a look at all of them:

They no longer light up your face - the key here isn't so much the syllable count, but the stressed syllables. It has the same number of stresses in the same place as in line 2, and fits well with the melody I hear.

Not sure when it's all goin' to end. - Agreed, thanks for the tip.

Don't tingle the spine to the core - I have changed this to :
Don't tingle the spine anymore - still the same syllable count but same point as in verse 1, the stressed syllables fit well.

No it don't feel as right, any more
It don't feel as right as it did.

These lines not rhyming is a very deliberate ploy to accentuate their importance, to highlight the hook, and is right out of Ralph Murphy's "Rules"! (I met Ralph a few years ago and what a wonderful guy he is!)

Thanks for taking a look. I haven't used all you offered but they had me taking a second look, and that has to be good.

Cheers
Kel.

PS Does Magesongs mean anything to you?



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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 09:50 am
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RainyDayMan
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No worries Kel. Glad to give you suggestions, happy if you don't decide to use them!

No, I'm not familiar with magesongs.



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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 01:29 pm
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Andrea
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Definitely a relatable subject for many people.

My favorite parts are the first two verses. They say so much.



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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 07:55 pm
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Marty Ray Boone
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TOO MUCH REPETITION AND YOU WROTE: "With a wink a a nod"

<Edited>

Last edited on Sat Feb 9th, 2019 08:14 pm by RainyDayMan



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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 08:24 pm
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Kel
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Marty Ray Boone wrote:
TOO MUCH REPETITION AND YOU WROTE: "With a wink a a nod"

Thanks for pointing out the typo.

Last edited on Mon Feb 18th, 2019 01:20 am by Kel



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 Posted: Sat Feb 9th, 2019 08:16 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Marty, insults and personal comments are against the rules of this forum and won't be tolerated.

Criticize the song by all means, but not the person writing it.



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 Posted: Sat Feb 9th, 2019 08:59 pm
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I think that it's very good.



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 Posted: Sun Feb 10th, 2019 05:15 am
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Marty Ray Boone
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Perhaps a negative trait about me that you are helping me work on. I think I did that because of the way he picked apart one of my songs! Ha:P



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 Posted: Sun Feb 10th, 2019 05:28 am
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RainyDayMan
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@Marty, to clarify that for you and other members:

It's ok to be negative or critical about a song.
You are supposed to give honest feedback, and sometimes that will be that you don't like it, or that you see faults in it. When we post a song we have to accept that some feedback we receive may be negative. Of course it's more helpful if the negative feedback is constructive - what specifically is wrong with it? How do you think it could be improved? But even without that, negative feedback about the song is acceptable on TSF

Insults or negative personal comments about the songwriter are never acceptable. TSF members should be treated with the respect that you would want for yourself.

And @Kel, apologies here for hijacking your post!



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