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I will Never Be Free
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 Posted: Wed Feb 6th, 2019 09:23 pm
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Andrea
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Feeling motivated this week. This one has been sitting, so close, for a few months. With some fresh eyes, I am ready to post. Lyrics derived from my Psychology background. As always, I welcome all feedback.

I Will Never Be Free

I am watching
out the window
like a thousand times before

On the street
people passing
right outside my door

They make it
look so easy
off to work or off to play

For all of them
it's just another
ordinary day

But for me
like a distant galaxy
it's a million miles away

A place I can not be

Chorus
If I try to leave
irrational thoughts take over
over me
choking anxiety
crushing insecurity
wretched identity
I will never be free
I will never be free
I will never be free
of perpetual fears that control me

There is no place
like home
has a meaning all it's own

There is no chance
for me to act
and find myself the fool

There is no cause
to be the token
of other people's ridicule

I can not bear
the potential
to ever lose control

So, I confine myself
to my own domain
a construct of my own constraint

Here I will remain

Chorus

Somewhere lost
is the child
with her head in the clouds

Surrounded
by her close friends
part of the crowd

I remember
that person
who was happy and free

Preserved in
a capsule
forever in my memories

A time nevermore to be

Bridge
As unfair as it seems
there is no one to blame but myself
a fault of my mind
reveals faults that I see in myself

But I will be ok
so long as I stay
inside of these walls
inside to the end of my days

Chorus

©Andrea Brennan 2019

Last edited on Sat Feb 9th, 2019 08:41 pm by Andrea



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 Posted: Thu Feb 7th, 2019 01:06 am
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SongWriterJoe
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Very good. Just noticed one tiny thing:

But for me
like a distant galaxy
it's a million miles away

But for me
Like some distant galaxy
Trillions of miles away.

Last edited on Thu Feb 7th, 2019 01:09 am by SongWriterJoe



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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 09:03 am
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RainyDayMan
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Lots to like here Andrea

I don't agree with Joe on the "trillions", "a million miles away" will sing better and is more familiar

I really like those first first two verses. Strong visual, and a dramatic feel to them.

With the next 2 I would switch the order and make a slight change like:
For all of them
it's just another
ordinary day

They make it
Look so easy
off to work or off to play

sort of foreshadow the chorus

I really like your chorus. Powerful stuff there.
The "irrational thoughts take over" might be tricky to fit, but if it's sung staccato it might be fine.
But the rest is sweet!

Not sure it it was as typo but I would swap
constrain > constraint

If it were me, I would change the "she" lines to make it generic. ie "their" or avoid a pronoun altogether.
The "I"s beforehand let you put yourself into the song if you want to, making it specific breaks that.
But it depends how personal you want to make it.

In your bridge I would be wary of repeating either "myself" or "faults". You might try "me" and maybe somehow use "cracks" or something like that.

I like the "inside to the end of my days" line.
Kind of negates the "I'll be ok" that came before it.

Good write and interesting!

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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 12:47 pm
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Andrea
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Hi Joe, Sorry for the later response. It was a crazy day yesterday. Thank you for rereading my lyrics. I am glad you like them.

You had me intrigued with your suggestion, so I considered it may be a technical issue. Upon some research I have learned that the measurement for the distance of a galaxy is actually is light years (not miles). I am not crazy on saying light years away, so I think I will leave it for now :)



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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 12:53 pm
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Andrea
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Hi Owen,

Thanks for the feedback. I really like your suggestions!

I think I will be ok with irrational. I have a potential melody and I think it works. I had a few other words I could substitute if needed. This word was one I waivered on.

I am going to work on some editing with you other ideas. I actually liked the double fault lines, but now I am not so sure. I will work on this to see what might sound better :)



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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 08:15 pm
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Seamus
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I like it a lot and the measurement of distance didn't matter because the person was saying (to me it felt like a million miles away), well that's my take on it.



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 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 08:49 pm
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Andrea
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Thanks Seamus.That is the perfect description: the person was saying (to me it felt like a million miles away). Right on target!



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 Posted: Sat Feb 9th, 2019 02:19 pm
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TaylorM
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Hi Andrea, nice write. I like that you used a unique topic that a lot of people could relate to. This might just be my personal vocabulary preference, but in the last section you might try "so long as I stay" as opposed to "as long as I stay".

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 Posted: Sat Feb 9th, 2019 02:29 pm
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Andrea
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Hi Taylor, Thanks for reading my lyrics and your thoughtful comments. This edit: "so long as I stay" is a great suggestion! I have a few tweaks to make that I will try to work on today.



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 Posted: Sun Feb 10th, 2019 03:45 pm
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Andrea
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I have been wrestling with the bridge. Here is another option:

As unfair as it seems
there is no one to blame but myself
a fault of my mind
escalates fears that cause me distress

I instead of escalate, I have also considered creates or instigates.

Anyway, hope this works better?

Last edited on Sun Feb 10th, 2019 06:01 pm by Andrea



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 Posted: Sun Feb 10th, 2019 04:44 pm
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samiamiamsam
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I really like it Andrea. My favorite lines are:
"So, I confine myself
to my own domain
a construct of my own constraint

Here I will remain"

That is an amazing line. I wish I could write poetry like this.



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 Posted: Sun Feb 10th, 2019 06:02 pm
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Andrea
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Thank you so much Sam.

Wish I could write music - hint hint :)



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 Posted: Sun Feb 10th, 2019 06:05 pm
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samiamiamsam
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:)



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 Posted: Sun Feb 10th, 2019 06:32 pm
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Andrea
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Any chance that means you might help?



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 Posted: Sun Feb 10th, 2019 08:51 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Maybe "amplifies" rather than "escalates" for your bridge? (Though escalates already works pretty well).

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