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| Posted: Fri Feb 1st, 2019 09:35 pm |
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M.P. Dudash
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First off I know this may seem odd and may read like a poem to many. But, I did look into this and several well known bands have pulled it off. Queen, Rod Stewart’s Maggie May being one. These lines came to me and though it even seems odd to me, can it work? Is it more genre specific? Thanks for looking
There’s last calls for whiskey
And last calls from loved ones
Either which way
You’ll look back on the other
Yeah that’s life
And it’s bound to, touch us all....
On one hand it’s please
Can you call me a cab
On the other it’s mom
Sayin’ you better come fast
Yeah that’s life
And It’s a rocky road we’re on....
We think we have lots
But time quickly moves on
You blink and you’re 40
Then it’s almost gone
Yeah that’s life
And the truly lucky...grow old
Some live for the moment
Others live in the past
Tomorrow’s their repeat
Of what ain’t coming back
Yeah that’s life
And time is all we have
Yeah that’s life to me
From what little I know
It don’t take money
To be blessed with it all
It only takes family....
Yeah that’s life
You can live how you want
And happily go along
Or strive to please others
From the day that you’re born
But that ain’t life
If you ain’t living
A life you love
Yeah that’s life
When you’re living.... what you love....
Copyright © M.P. Dudash 2/1/2019
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| Posted: Sun Feb 3rd, 2019 02:17 am |
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| Posted: Sun Feb 3rd, 2019 06:42 am |
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M.P. Dudash
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I can accept that. I wanted to see how it was taken. Thanks for the reply Owen.
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| Posted: Mon Feb 4th, 2019 12:56 am |
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SongWriterJoe
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Maggie May rhymes.. sorry would have to hear a vocal.. even Acapella  Last edited on Wed Feb 6th, 2019 01:04 am by SongWriterJoe
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| Posted: Mon Feb 4th, 2019 02:06 pm |
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Andrea
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First off, I really like the lyrics. I think you can make it work.
"Yeah that’s life" is a great line. I think you could work with this to make it more song like if needed. Maybe use a repeat
Yeah that’s life
Yeah that’s life
And it’s bound to, touch us all....
or
Yeah that’s life
that's life
And it’s bound to, touch us all....
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| Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 05:16 am |
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Kel
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G'day M.P.,
I like what you've done here, but will offer two things to think about... Rather than having so many verses, I suggest cutting back to 3 with a bridge... AABA. It's a structure that works well, and is one of the most successful structures in songwriting (so say the coaches.)
Whether you change structure or not, I don't feel the final verse is as powerful as it needs to be. If you can have the verses prior to the bridge (if you use one) with an odd number of lines, have the final verse with an even number to make it feel complete. Having an odd number of lines leaves it feeling unfinished...
I know I said two, but also consider how long the song will be when put to music. Keep it to 3 minutes and change, and if that means trimming the number of lines, that's what will be needed.
My thoughts, for what they're worth.
Cheers,
Kel
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| Posted: Sat Feb 9th, 2019 12:58 pm |
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Motorist Sketchbook
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I don't see any problem with this style of writing. (verses only)
I have used this technique successfully. IMHO
Most notably on these three songs titled:
To the End of the World (link to forum topic)
When Life Shows Up (link to forum topic)
Who Ya Gonna Call, Big Daddy? (link to forum topic)
I like what Kel is saying about reconsidering the structure.
I think it could be as simple as swapping the second to last verse up to the verse three position.
That would be as AABAAC structure. (with an ending as written)
- Sketch
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| Posted: Sat Feb 9th, 2019 03:26 pm |
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M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Steve. Being a guy that likes to write but doesn’t know all the intricacies of proper song structure does seem to be my downfall. What is obvious to those of you that do know it, is not my strongpoint. This was kind of a conversation piece that I didn’t expect great feedback with, but I wanted to see how others felt. I will check those songs out you suggested to see how they sound. Thanks for looking and the advice.
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| Posted: Sat Feb 9th, 2019 06:46 pm |
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Motorist Sketchbook
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M.P. Dudash wrote: Thanks Steve. Being a guy that likes to write but doesn’t know all the intricacies of proper song structure does seem to be my downfall. What is obvious to those of you that do know it, is not my strongpoint. This was kind of a conversation piece that I didn’t expect great feedback with, but I wanted to see how others felt. I will check those songs out you suggested to see how they sound. Thanks for looking and the advice.
Rules were made to be broken. (oftentimes)
At the end of the day, if it works, it works.
- Sketch
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