The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters > Lyrics Lounge > Works in Progress (All Genres) > Caught in a Riptide |
The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters > Lyrics Lounge > Works in Progress (All Genres) > Caught in a Riptide |
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| Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank | Topic closed | |
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Andrea Moderator
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Caught in a riptide popped into me head and I want to make it a song. I've been floating along adrift so to say wondering if happiness will ever come my way danger lurks below the surface invisible to see a certain death to all my dreams like a river running out of me Chorus I'm caught in a riptide swimming in misery caught in a riptide pulling me under spinning me round I can't tell which way is up and which way is down The current situation feels out of control lack of motivation (all direction) is taking it's toll I'm drowning in what could've been what should've been a certain death if I give in excuses are running thin Chorus I'm caught in a riptide it carries me so far away from everything I thought I could be I'm waiting always waiting for the tides to turn around waiting always waiting to get me feet back on the ground Chorus |
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RainyDayMan TSF Administrator 
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So the danger is apathy? Is that right? I love the chorus, but I'm not sure apathy feels strong enough to warrant that chorus. I think the danger needs to be more direct and urgent. |
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Andrea Moderator
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I will work on it. Nothing is coming right away. Something to think about when sleep evades me. Thank you. The chorus is often my hardest part, so that is a plus here  |
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Andrea Moderator
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I have added more distress. I have a couple other ideas, but let me know if this works. Thanks I've been floating along in a poor mental state wondering if happiness will ever come my way danger lurks below the surface invisible to see losing my grip on reality a certain death to all my dreams like a river running out of me Chorus I'm caught in a riptide swimming in misery caught in a riptide pulling me under spinning me round I can't tell which way is up and which way is down The current situation feels out of control anxiety, depression are taking their toll I'm drowning in the highs and lows and turbulence between the tides a certain death if I give in excuses are running thin Chorus I'm caught in a riptide it carries me so far away from everything I thought that life could be I'm waiting always waiting for the tides to turn around waiting always waiting to get me feet back on the ground Chorus |
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RainyDayMan TSF Administrator
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Andrea, I don't think it's quite found its legs yet. I wouldn't rush to complete it. Give yourself some time to play with it. Worth pursuing! |
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Andrea Moderator
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I definitely want to finish this, but am putting it on the back burner for a bit. One of these days something will pop and I will move forward. I feel that mental health can fit here, but am getting the feeling that you have something eles in mind? A relationship could fit, but am not sure I want that. I will consider all ideas |
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SongWriterJoe Member 
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So to say- as they say I'm caught (+up) CHORUS looks difficult to sing. Ditto the lyrics leading into the chorus at the end of the first verse. I run into this a lot myself. Sometimes you have to.. stop.. think about it.. looking at it from an outsider's perspective. Then it can come naturally. Funny how often that will work. Good project, just needs some polish. Don't push too hard, however. Let the creative juices flow when they're ready. Last edited on Tue Feb 5th, 2019 04:13 pm by SongWriterJoe |
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Andrea Moderator
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Thanks for reading. Did you read both versions? I haven't thought much about this in the last few days. Maybe it is time to come back. Maybe a good collab prject! I will fiddle with some ideas for the chorus. |
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SongWriterJoe Member
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Hit me up if you'd like to talk music. I'm old, but the mind still seems to work. *Smiles*. Have Skype or you can email. Be well. J Last edited on Tue Feb 5th, 2019 07:16 pm by SongWriterJoe |
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Andrea Moderator
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Hi Joe, Thanks for your feedback! I did some editing, and hope that it is better. I posted in the lyrics lounge under the pop/rock/alternative. |
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SongWriterJoe Member
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Chorus looks good 👍 |
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Andrea Moderator
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Thanks |
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Becki5 Member
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Andrea, great raw emotion! Your lyrics are all powerful! Strong emotion! Thanks for sharing. |
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Andrea Moderator
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HI Becki5, Thank you so much for the positive feedback. I posted a completed version in the lyrics lounge. It is several pages back at this point (maybe page 5 or 6) if you wish to read that version. These lyrics are probably one my favorite I wrote. Enjoy |
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RainbowKeeper Contributor 
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Hello ma‘m I like the last version u posted a lot. There it shows, not only because of the quick words chance, a very strong „flow“. But I know that u like honest feedback and ideas, so here are mine: I would add -s to the word turbulence (this really annoyed me while reading. Can’t even say why, but somehow...I dunno it feels right to me) Besides that I d like to give some more ideas. I would think about: Streaming/waterfalls and maybe a lighthouse. In the end, all u need to do is give it strong legs the song can stand on. U know like I said there is a lot of confusion in it but I think you need to build a frame around it. I’d like that, but as always: these r just my ideas. I really love what u try to say here and how u do it, cause I know that it comes from the heart and that’s where it SHOULD come from! 😉👍 |
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Andrea Moderator
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Thanks RK for your feedback. This post is where I began working on these lyrics. After feedback, I moved it to the lyrics lounge and have my final version posted there. Enjoy |
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RainyDayMan TSF Administrator
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Andrea has posted an updated version of this here: http://www.thesongwritersforum.com/forum/view_topic.php?id=14988&forum_id=17&highlight=riptide So this WIP version will now be closed. |
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