 |
| Posted: Tue Jan 29th, 2019 08:00 pm |
|
1st Post |
Andrea
Contributor
| Joined: | Tue Nov 27th, 2018 |
| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
| Posts: | 367 |
| Favorite Artist: | Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses | | I am a: | Songwriter |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Caught in a riptide popped into me head and I want to make it a song.
I've been floating along
adrift so to say
wondering if happiness
will ever come my way
danger lurks
below the surface
invisible to see
a certain death
to all my dreams
like a river running out of me
Chorus
I'm caught in a riptide
swimming in misery
caught in a riptide
pulling me under
spinning me round
I can't tell
which way is up
and which way is down
The current situation
feels out of control
lack of motivation (all direction)
is taking it's toll
I'm drowning in
what could've been
what should've been
a certain death
if I give in
excuses are running thin
Chorus
I'm caught in a riptide
it carries me
so far away
from everything
I thought I could be
I'm waiting
always waiting
for the tides to turn around
waiting
always waiting
to get me feet
back on the ground
Chorus
____________________
Andrea
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 29th, 2019 08:42 pm |
|
2nd Post |
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator
| Joined: | Thu May 17th, 2007 |
| Location: | Melbourne, Australia |
| Posts: | 4925 |
| Favorite Artist: | James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell | | I am a: | Songwriter/Musician |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
So the danger is apathy? Is that right?
I love the chorus, but I'm not sure apathy feels strong enough to warrant that chorus. I think the danger needs to be more direct and urgent.
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 29th, 2019 09:11 pm |
|
3rd Post |
Andrea
Contributor
| Joined: | Tue Nov 27th, 2018 |
| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
| Posts: | 367 |
| Favorite Artist: | Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses | | I am a: | Songwriter |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
I will work on it. Nothing is coming right away. Something to think about when sleep evades me. Thank you.
The chorus is often my hardest part, so that is a plus here 
____________________
Andrea
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 30th, 2019 06:19 pm |
|
4th Post |
Andrea
Contributor
| Joined: | Tue Nov 27th, 2018 |
| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
| Posts: | 367 |
| Favorite Artist: | Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses | | I am a: | Songwriter |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
I have added more distress. I have a couple other ideas, but let me know if this works. Thanks
I've been floating along
in a poor mental state
wondering if happiness
will ever come my way
danger lurks
below the surface
invisible to see
losing my grip
on reality
a certain death
to all my dreams
like a river running out of me
Chorus
I'm caught in a riptide
swimming in misery
caught in a riptide
pulling me under
spinning me round
I can't tell
which way is up
and which way is down
The current situation
feels out of control
anxiety, depression
are taking their toll
I'm drowning in
the highs
and lows
and turbulence
between the tides
a certain death
if I give in
excuses are running thin
Chorus
I'm caught in a riptide
it carries me
so far away
from everything
I thought that life could be
I'm waiting
always waiting
for the tides to turn around
waiting
always waiting
to get me feet
back on the ground
Chorus
____________________
Andrea
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 30th, 2019 09:28 pm |
|
5th Post |
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator
| Joined: | Thu May 17th, 2007 |
| Location: | Melbourne, Australia |
| Posts: | 4925 |
| Favorite Artist: | James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell | | I am a: | Songwriter/Musician |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Andrea, I don't think it's quite found its legs yet.
I wouldn't rush to complete it. Give yourself some time to play with it. Worth pursuing!
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Tue Feb 5th, 2019 03:22 am |
|
6th Post |
Andrea
Contributor
| Joined: | Tue Nov 27th, 2018 |
| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
| Posts: | 367 |
| Favorite Artist: | Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses | | I am a: | Songwriter |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
I definitely want to finish this, but am putting it on the back burner for a bit. One of these days something will pop and I will move forward.
I feel that mental health can fit here, but am getting the feeling that you have something eles in mind? A relationship could fit, but am not sure I want that. I will consider all ideas
____________________
Andrea
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Tue Feb 5th, 2019 04:04 pm |
|
7th Post |
SongWriterJoe
Member
| Joined: | Thu Mar 22nd, 2018 |
| Location: | Eugene, Oregon USA |
| Posts: | 84 |
| Favorite Artist: | Randy Travis, Garth Brooks, The Monkees, The Beatles, Santana, 3 ... | | I am a: | Singer/Songwriter |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
So to say- as they say
I'm caught (+up)
CHORUS looks difficult to sing. Ditto the lyrics leading into the chorus at the end of the first verse. I run into this a lot myself. Sometimes you have to.. stop.. think about it.. looking at it from an outsider's perspective. Then it can come naturally. Funny how often that will work.
Good project, just needs some polish. Don't push too hard, however. Let the creative juices flow when they're ready.Last edited on Tue Feb 5th, 2019 04:13 pm by SongWriterJoe
____________________
"I'm not sure if my heart is in my music - or my music is in my heart!"
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Tue Feb 5th, 2019 04:12 pm |
|
8th Post |
Andrea
Contributor
| Joined: | Tue Nov 27th, 2018 |
| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
| Posts: | 367 |
| Favorite Artist: | Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses | | I am a: | Songwriter |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Thanks for reading. Did you read both versions? I haven't thought much about this in the last few days. Maybe it is time to come back.
Maybe a good collab prject! I will fiddle with some ideas for the chorus.
____________________
Andrea
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Tue Feb 5th, 2019 07:15 pm |
|
9th Post |
SongWriterJoe
Member
| Joined: | Thu Mar 22nd, 2018 |
| Location: | Eugene, Oregon USA |
| Posts: | 84 |
| Favorite Artist: | Randy Travis, Garth Brooks, The Monkees, The Beatles, Santana, 3 ... | | I am a: | Singer/Songwriter |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Hit me up if you'd like to talk music. I'm old, but the mind still seems to work. *Smiles*. Have Skype or you can email. Be well.
JLast edited on Tue Feb 5th, 2019 07:16 pm by SongWriterJoe
____________________
"I'm not sure if my heart is in my music - or my music is in my heart!"
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Sun Feb 17th, 2019 10:37 pm |
|
10th Post |
Andrea
Contributor
| Joined: | Tue Nov 27th, 2018 |
| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
| Posts: | 367 |
| Favorite Artist: | Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses | | I am a: | Songwriter |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Hi Joe,
Thanks for your feedback!
I did some editing, and hope that it is better. I posted in the lyrics lounge under the pop/rock/alternative.
____________________
Andrea
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Mon Feb 18th, 2019 01:32 am |
|
11th Post |
SongWriterJoe
Member
| Joined: | Thu Mar 22nd, 2018 |
| Location: | Eugene, Oregon USA |
| Posts: | 84 |
| Favorite Artist: | Randy Travis, Garth Brooks, The Monkees, The Beatles, Santana, 3 ... | | I am a: | Singer/Songwriter |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Chorus looks good 👍
____________________
"I'm not sure if my heart is in my music - or my music is in my heart!"
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Mon Feb 18th, 2019 02:07 am |
|
12th Post |
Andrea
Contributor
| Joined: | Tue Nov 27th, 2018 |
| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
| Posts: | 367 |
| Favorite Artist: | Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses | | I am a: | Songwriter |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Thanks
____________________
Andrea
|
|
Back To Top
|
|
|
|
