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| Posted: Tue Jan 29th, 2019 08:00 pm |
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1st Post |
Andrea
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Caught in a riptide popped into me head and I want to make it a song.
I've been floating along
adrift so to say
wondering if happiness
will ever come my way
danger lurks
below the surface
invisible to see
a certain death
to all my dreams
like a river running out of me
Chorus
I'm caught in a riptide
swimming in misery
caught in a riptide
pulling me under
spinning me round
I can't tell
which way is up
and which way is down
The current situation
feels out of control
lack of motivation (all direction)
is taking it's toll
I'm drowning in
what could've been
what should've been
a certain death
if I give in
excuses are running thin
Chorus
I'm caught in a riptide
it carries me
so far away
from everything
I thought I could be
I'm waiting
always waiting
for the tides to turn around
waiting
always waiting
to get me feet
back on the ground
Chorus
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Andrea
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| Posted: Tue Jan 29th, 2019 08:42 pm |
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2nd Post |
| Posted: Tue Jan 29th, 2019 09:11 pm |
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3rd Post |
Andrea
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| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
| Posts: | 1997 |
| Favorite Artist: | Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses | | I am a: | Songwriter |
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I will work on it. Nothing is coming right away. Something to think about when sleep evades me. Thank you.
The chorus is often my hardest part, so that is a plus here 
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Andrea
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| Posted: Wed Jan 30th, 2019 06:19 pm |
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4th Post |
Andrea
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I have added more distress. I have a couple other ideas, but let me know if this works. Thanks
I've been floating along
in a poor mental state
wondering if happiness
will ever come my way
danger lurks
below the surface
invisible to see
losing my grip
on reality
a certain death
to all my dreams
like a river running out of me
Chorus
I'm caught in a riptide
swimming in misery
caught in a riptide
pulling me under
spinning me round
I can't tell
which way is up
and which way is down
The current situation
feels out of control
anxiety, depression
are taking their toll
I'm drowning in
the highs
and lows
and turbulence
between the tides
a certain death
if I give in
excuses are running thin
Chorus
I'm caught in a riptide
it carries me
so far away
from everything
I thought that life could be
I'm waiting
always waiting
for the tides to turn around
waiting
always waiting
to get me feet
back on the ground
Chorus
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Andrea
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| Posted: Wed Jan 30th, 2019 09:28 pm |
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5th Post |
| Posted: Tue Feb 5th, 2019 03:22 am |
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6th Post |
Andrea
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I definitely want to finish this, but am putting it on the back burner for a bit. One of these days something will pop and I will move forward.
I feel that mental health can fit here, but am getting the feeling that you have something eles in mind? A relationship could fit, but am not sure I want that. I will consider all ideas
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Andrea
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| Posted: Tue Feb 5th, 2019 04:04 pm |
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SongWriterJoe
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So to say- as they say
I'm caught (+up)
CHORUS looks difficult to sing. Ditto the lyrics leading into the chorus at the end of the first verse. I run into this a lot myself. Sometimes you have to.. stop.. think about it.. looking at it from an outsider's perspective. Then it can come naturally. Funny how often that will work.
Good project, just needs some polish. Don't push too hard, however. Let the creative juices flow when they're ready.Last edited on Tue Feb 5th, 2019 04:13 pm by SongWriterJoe
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"I'm not sure if my heart is in my music - or my music is in my heart!"
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| Posted: Tue Feb 5th, 2019 04:12 pm |
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8th Post |
Andrea
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Thanks for reading. Did you read both versions? I haven't thought much about this in the last few days. Maybe it is time to come back.
Maybe a good collab prject! I will fiddle with some ideas for the chorus.
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Andrea
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| Posted: Tue Feb 5th, 2019 07:15 pm |
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9th Post |
SongWriterJoe
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Hit me up if you'd like to talk music. I'm old, but the mind still seems to work. *Smiles*. Have Skype or you can email. Be well.
JLast edited on Tue Feb 5th, 2019 07:16 pm by SongWriterJoe
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"I'm not sure if my heart is in my music - or my music is in my heart!"
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| Posted: Sun Feb 17th, 2019 10:37 pm |
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10th Post |
Andrea
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Hi Joe,
Thanks for your feedback!
I did some editing, and hope that it is better. I posted in the lyrics lounge under the pop/rock/alternative.
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Andrea
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| Posted: Mon Feb 18th, 2019 01:32 am |
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SongWriterJoe
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Chorus looks good 👍
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"I'm not sure if my heart is in my music - or my music is in my heart!"
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| Posted: Mon Feb 18th, 2019 02:07 am |
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12th Post |
Andrea
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Thanks
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| Posted: Thu Feb 27th, 2020 08:16 pm |
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Becki5
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Andrea, great raw emotion! Your lyrics are all powerful! Strong emotion! Thanks for sharing.
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| Posted: Thu Feb 27th, 2020 09:15 pm |
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Andrea
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HI Becki5, Thank you so much for the positive feedback. I posted a completed version in the lyrics lounge. It is several pages back at this point (maybe page 5 or 6) if you wish to read that version. These lyrics are probably one my favorite I wrote. Enjoy
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Andrea
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| Posted: Fri Feb 28th, 2020 03:00 am |
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15th Post |
RainbowKeeper
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Hello ma‘m
I like the last version u posted a lot. There it shows, not only because of the quick words chance, a very strong „flow“.
But I know that u like honest feedback and ideas, so here are mine:
I would add -s to the word turbulence (this really annoyed me while reading. Can’t even say why, but somehow...I dunno it feels right to me)
Besides that I d like to give some more ideas. I would think about:
Streaming/waterfalls and maybe a lighthouse.
In the end, all u need to do is give it strong legs the song can stand on. U know like I said there is a lot of confusion in it but I think you need to build a frame around it. I’d like that, but as always: these r just my ideas. I really love what u try to say here and how u do it, cause I know that it comes from the heart and that’s where it SHOULD come from! 😉👍
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Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters
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| Posted: Fri Feb 28th, 2020 04:11 am |
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16th Post |
Andrea
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| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
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Thanks RK for your feedback. This post is where I began working on these lyrics. After feedback, I moved it to the lyrics lounge and have my final version posted there. Enjoy
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Andrea
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| Posted: Fri Feb 28th, 2020 04:53 am |
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17th Post |
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