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When beauty fades
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Wed Jan 2nd, 2019 02:21 pm
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Seamus
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When beauty fades
and you think nobody cares
call on me, then you will see
there's always someone there

like a fading flower
I will bring you back to bloom
bring a smile for a little while
watch you light up the room

there's more behind the beauty
that not many see
you hide your fears show no tears
but you ain't fooling me

when your beauty fades
and the shallow don't want to know
hold my hand coz I understand
and I'll never let you go

I know you have more to offer
than being candy on the arm
you have a glow, I'll have you know
you'll always be my sweetheart

don't worry when the looks fade
you are so much more
forget the vanity of the mirror
come knock on my door

CopyrightAlanEvans02012019

Last edited on Wed Jan 2nd, 2019 11:11 pm by Seamus



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 Posted: Wed Jan 2nd, 2019 08:39 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Got a soft and sentimental feel to it.

You might switch your first line to match the title:
When your beauty fades > When beauty fades

if you changed:
like a wilting flower > like a fading flower
the alliteration on the 'f' might work for you and back up the 'back to bloom' on the following line.

you hide your fears show no tears > you mask your fears, hide your tears
(that's probably just a personal preference)

but I really like that next line:
but you ain't fooling me
Nice! Very personal and warm



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 Posted: Wed Jan 2nd, 2019 09:19 pm
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samiamiamsam
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Great Lyrics Seamus. I agree with RdM about changing the one line to match the title. Good work man!



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 Posted: Wed Jan 2nd, 2019 09:46 pm
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Andrea
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Nice lyrics. True love shines through.

I like the suggestions made by Owen and Sam.


This is very good.



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 Posted: Wed Jan 2nd, 2019 11:54 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Great story, unfortunately the first line is an exact replica of a poem by a poet called cemetary man called "When Beauty Fades" other than that its great.



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 Posted: Thu Jan 3rd, 2019 12:21 am
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Seamus
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Just my luck, but that is a poem and this a song lol.

Last edited on Thu Jan 3rd, 2019 12:22 am by Seamus



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 Posted: Thu Jan 3rd, 2019 12:56 am
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M.P. Dudash
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I think you get the point.



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 Posted: Thu Jan 3rd, 2019 07:06 am
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Seamus
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All in good fun no harm meant or taken.



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