The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

Everything to me
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Tue Dec 4th, 2018 01:54 pm
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
Marty Ray Boone
Contributor


Joined: Mon Oct 24th, 2011
Location: Fort Mill, South Carolina USA
Posts: 872
Favorite Artist: "Rev.Jimmy Swaggart" "Owen Hovenden" Kerry Boone
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Everything to me
© 2018
Words / Music Marty Ray Boone / Owen Hovenden

Link to music

V2


Our love my darling woman, means everything to me
Your brightly lit up smile, like a silver shining sea
And more than making love, my dear, what matters most to me
Our precious golden treasure, love, to start a family tree


(Chorus):
It's all about a love song, twixt a woman and a man
Our love forever growing as we walk the beach and sands
So hold my hand forever, for our vows will always hold
A lasting love remembered by our kids when they are grown


The burning flames of passion, and our tender close embrace
Love touches deeply in my heart, I love your smiling face!
And when we wed, we surely knew and knew it from the start
with confidence we formed a bond that never shall depart

Chorus

<break>

Chorus

The years ahead for us, my love, as we grow old and gray
Will bring us little children, to treasure every day
Our cherished darling children, and my darling precious wife
A special loving family, and such a blessed life!

Chorus




-----
V1

Our love my darling woman, means everything to me
Your brightly lit up smile, like a silver shining sea
And more than making love, my dear, what matters most to me
Our precious golden treasure, love, to start a family tree

(Chorus): Please scroll down for this as words were re-arranged

The burning flames of passion, and our tender close embrace
Love touches deeply in my heart, I love your smiling face!
And when we wed, we surely knew and knew it from the start
with confidence we formed a bond that never shall depart

So hold my hand forever, hug my neck, and kiss my lips
you are a precious treasure, my heart, oh, so quickly skips
And now I tell you darling, the theme of this loving song
Is everlasting love for us, to last our whole lives long

The years ahead for us my love, as we grow old and gray
Will bring us little children, to treasure every day
And through all of the seasons, Christmas
and the great New Year
Your love so deeply touches me, my eyes have joy and tears


(Chorus): It's all about a love song, twixt a woman and a man
Our love forever growing as we walk the beach and sands
So hold my hand forever, for our vows will always hold
A lasting love remembered by our kids when they are grown

To then find their own lovers for to treasure every day
Please stay right here beside me and please never go away!

Our cherished darling children, and my darling precious wife
A special loving family, and such a blessed life!

A picture of one of our friends holding a baby!

Attachment: 12027128_958578354185171_3131826832092853370_o.jpg (Downloaded 44 times)



____________________
Marty Ray Boone, now seeking God's will for my life and asking if I may serve him as a gospel bass singer and singer of harmonies in that form of music! I thank Holy God for my voice! Near perfect pitch as well, guidance for my fingers on that piano, AMEN
Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue Dec 4th, 2018 02:47 pm
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 990
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
Marty it is a heartfelt one and to be honest I do see a few discrepancies that may want to be addressed. Our precious golden treasure, love and great intimacy. Intimacy on the end just seems too difficult to sing. I was trying to find a rhyme that worked but I feel that intimacy needs changed. It just makes the line too forced. Not sure what to change it to to maintain the thought but may want to look at that. And when we wed, we surely knew and knew it from the start
with confidence we always knew that we shall never part. Here I would also make some changes. And when we wed we both knew and knew it from the start. With confidence we formed a bond one that'll never part? We'll have some little children and with them too we shall play. To- We'll have some little children with whom we both shall play? V3 L3 change new love song to love song. Just some suggestions. Great start just some tidying up maybe. Good work.

Last edited on Tue Dec 4th, 2018 02:48 pm by M.P. Dudash



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
Back To Top


 Posted: Tue Dec 4th, 2018 03:02 pm
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
Troy33
Super Moderator


Joined: Sun Aug 3rd, 2008
Location: New Hampshire USA
Posts: 4848
Favorite Artist: Rush, Yes, John Mayer, James Taylor, Pink Floyd, Stanley Clark
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Marty,

Nice work! It makes me think that you should look into putting your poetic craft to writing gift cards. Maybe there is a way to get income from gift cards?

As for input, I would suggest in your line:

And now I tell you darling the theme of this new love song
Is lasting love forever, and to last us all day long


I find it backwards to lead with "forever" and end with "all day long", because forever is far greater than one day. I might suggest "Is enduring love between us, to last our whole lives long" ...or similar so that 'forever' is not followed by the smaller measurement of a single 'day'.

I hope this helps,

Troy



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/troy-t-douglas/another-log-on-the-fire
https://soundcloud.com/troy-t-douglas/if-it-rains-on-christmas
http://www.reverbnation.com/troydouglas
Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue Dec 4th, 2018 08:03 pm
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 5253
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I like it Marty. There is a lot of warmth and affection here and it feels quite genuine. And generally it looks pretty solid.

I think you might look again at:
Your love does touch deep in my heart
maybe:
Your love touches deeply in my heart
or perhaps
Your love affects me deeply
as that might better fit the cadence

but I think you nailed it with:
Your love so deeply touches me

In the chorus you might consider swapping "'tween" for "twixt" but that's a personal preference.

And not sure about that last line:
A picture of one of our friends holding a baby!
(just kidding ;))

It's looking good!

Back To Top


 Posted: Sun Dec 9th, 2018 10:07 am
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 5253
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Music added to the original post.

Bit of a stretch for me vocally, but you'll get the idea :)

Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue Dec 18th, 2018 02:08 pm
  PMQuoteReply
6th Post
Andrea
Contributor
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 620
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
A tender and heartfelt song. You are very good at writing uplifting and positive songs. It's always nice to see a feel good song in the forum.



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top


 Posted: Tue Feb 5th, 2019 08:49 pm
  PMQuoteReply
7th Post
SongWriterJoe
Member


Joined: Thu Mar 22nd, 2018
Location: Eugene, Oregon USA
Posts: 137
Favorite Artist: Randy Travis, Garth Brooks, The Monkees, The Beatles, Santana, 3 ...
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Very nice Marty



____________________
"I'm not sure if my heart is in my music - or my music is in my heart!"
Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue Apr 9th, 2019 08:25 pm
  PMQuoteReply
8th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 225
Favorite Artist: The Eagles, Lyle Lovett, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
It a sweet love song, Marty. V2 seem to be more universal to me, although V1 is more intimate. The end is a bit abrupt, but that’s easy to fix. It has a good bluesy feel to it. I bet your wife loves it. Nice tribute.

Charles

Back To Top


 Posted: Fri Apr 26th, 2019 12:11 pm
  PMQuoteReply
9th Post
jamestoffee
Member


Joined: Thu Apr 25th, 2019
Location: Bangkok, Thailand
Posts: 76
Favorite Artist: Sting, JohnMayer, SarahMcL,Yes, Beatles, CaitlinRose, Lush, SufjanStevens
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Nice groove once the vocals start.

Nice sentiments to a loved one.

For consideration:

Simplify the intro…the instruments seem to be competing for attention instead of supporting a melodic motif.

Use the verses to progress the story; each verse showing how she was everything to you. It could be chronologically, or emotionally (getting closer/more intimate). Right now the verses basically say the same thing. Verse 1 does it best; although the last line is confusing because golden treasure made me think of “golden years” deep in the timeline of the relationship, but the same line referred to starting a family tree (just the beginning of a relationship)

All the lines keep the focus on the point of view of the singer singing to the loved one except this one, “It's all about a love song, twixt a woman and a man” consider revising to keep the same point of view.

Consider making optimal use of your spotlights in the chorus to highlight the title/hook of the song “Everything to Me”. If I just listened without seeing the title, I would not have been able to identify the title/hook of the song.

Bottom line. If the intended audience liked it, that’s all that matters.

Thanks for sharing.

James



____________________
https://cjamesconrad.bandcamp.com/track/daddies-and-daughters?fbclid=IwAR0x-doQ40NUeeZZt6oinWwmJp0WMflxujn_3XM46lZFr6PPR0BJDQBoRuw

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandid=253763
Back To Top 


 Posted: Fri Apr 26th, 2019 10:45 pm
  PMQuoteReply
10th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 5253
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Thanks for the suggestions James!

I think you're right about the intro, some simplification there likely will help. Well picked!

I'll leave the lyrical suggestions for Marty to consider :)

Back To Top


 Posted: Sat Apr 27th, 2019 04:19 am
  PMQuoteReply
11th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 5253
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Revised intro:

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1WVanxGBJEPouqxyB0il027ayPLNM-sc3

Back To Top 


 Posted: Sat Apr 27th, 2019 09:58 am
  PMQuoteReply
12th Post
jamestoffee
Member


Joined: Thu Apr 25th, 2019
Location: Bangkok, Thailand
Posts: 76
Favorite Artist: Sting, JohnMayer, SarahMcL,Yes, Beatles, CaitlinRose, Lush, SufjanStevens
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
RainyDayMan wrote:
Revised intro:

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1WVanxGBJEPouqxyB0il027ayPLNM-sc3


Sounds better



____________________
https://cjamesconrad.bandcamp.com/track/daddies-and-daughters?fbclid=IwAR0x-doQ40NUeeZZt6oinWwmJp0WMflxujn_3XM46lZFr6PPR0BJDQBoRuw

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandid=253763
Back To Top


Current time is 12:48 am

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1856 seconds (16% database + 84% PHP). 27 queries executed.