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Everything to me
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Tue Dec 4th, 2018 02:54 pm
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Marty Ray Boone
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Joined: Mon Oct 24th, 2011
Location: Fort Mill, South Carolina USA
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Favorite Artist: "Rev.Jimmy Swaggart" "Owen Hovenden" Kerry Boone
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Everything to me
© 2018
Words / Music Marty Ray Boone / Owen Hovenden

Link to music

V2


Our love my darling woman, means everything to me
Your brightly lit up smile, like a silver shining sea
And more than making love, my dear, what matters most to me
Our precious golden treasure, love, to start a family tree


(Chorus):
It's all about a love song, twixt a woman and a man
Our love forever growing as we walk the beach and sands
So hold my hand forever, for our vows will always hold
A lasting love remembered by our kids when they are grown


The burning flames of passion, and our tender close embrace
Love touches deeply in my heart, I love your smiling face!
And when we wed, we surely knew and knew it from the start
with confidence we formed a bond that never shall depart

Chorus

<break>

Chorus

The years ahead for us, my love, as we grow old and gray
Will bring us little children, to treasure every day
Our cherished darling children, and my darling precious wife
A special loving family, and such a blessed life!

Chorus




-----
V1

Our love my darling woman, means everything to me
Your brightly lit up smile, like a silver shining sea
And more than making love, my dear, what matters most to me
Our precious golden treasure, love, to start a family tree

(Chorus): Please scroll down for this as words were re-arranged

The burning flames of passion, and our tender close embrace
Love touches deeply in my heart, I love your smiling face!
And when we wed, we surely knew and knew it from the start
with confidence we formed a bond that never shall depart

So hold my hand forever, hug my neck, and kiss my lips
you are a precious treasure, my heart, oh, so quickly skips
And now I tell you darling, the theme of this loving song
Is everlasting love for us, to last our whole lives long

The years ahead for us my love, as we grow old and gray
Will bring us little children, to treasure every day
And through all of the seasons, Christmas
and the great New Year
Your love so deeply touches me, my eyes have joy and tears


(Chorus): It's all about a love song, twixt a woman and a man
Our love forever growing as we walk the beach and sands
So hold my hand forever, for our vows will always hold
A lasting love remembered by our kids when they are grown

To then find their own lovers for to treasure every day
Please stay right here beside me and please never go away!

Our cherished darling children, and my darling precious wife
A special loving family, and such a blessed life!

A picture of one of our friends holding a baby!

Attachment: 12027128_958578354185171_3131826832092853370_o.jpg (Downloaded 10 times)



____________________
Marty Ray Boone, now seeking God's will for my life and asking if I may serve him as a gospel bass singer and singer of harmonies in that form of music! I thank Holy God for my voice! Near perfect pitch as well, guidance for my fingers on that piano, AMEN
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 Posted: Tue Dec 4th, 2018 03:47 pm
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2nd Post
M.P. Dudash
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Marty it is a heartfelt one and to be honest I do see a few discrepancies that may want to be addressed. Our precious golden treasure, love and great intimacy. Intimacy on the end just seems too difficult to sing. I was trying to find a rhyme that worked but I feel that intimacy needs changed. It just makes the line too forced. Not sure what to change it to to maintain the thought but may want to look at that. And when we wed, we surely knew and knew it from the start
with confidence we always knew that we shall never part. Here I would also make some changes. And when we wed we both knew and knew it from the start. With confidence we formed a bond one that'll never part? We'll have some little children and with them too we shall play. To- We'll have some little children with whom we both shall play? V3 L3 change new love song to love song. Just some suggestions. Great start just some tidying up maybe. Good work.

Last edited on Tue Dec 4th, 2018 03:48 pm by M.P. Dudash



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 Posted: Tue Dec 4th, 2018 04:02 pm
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3rd Post
Troy33
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Marty,

Nice work! It makes me think that you should look into putting your poetic craft to writing gift cards. Maybe there is a way to get income from gift cards?

As for input, I would suggest in your line:

And now I tell you darling the theme of this new love song
Is lasting love forever, and to last us all day long


I find it backwards to lead with "forever" and end with "all day long", because forever is far greater than one day. I might suggest "Is enduring love between us, to last our whole lives long" ...or similar so that 'forever' is not followed by the smaller measurement of a single 'day'.

I hope this helps,

Troy



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 Posted: Tue Dec 4th, 2018 09:03 pm
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RainyDayMan
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I like it Marty. There is a lot of warmth and affection here and it feels quite genuine. And generally it looks pretty solid.

I think you might look again at:
Your love does touch deep in my heart
maybe:
Your love touches deeply in my heart
or perhaps
Your love affects me deeply
as that might better fit the cadence

but I think you nailed it with:
Your love so deeply touches me

In the chorus you might consider swapping "'tween" for "twixt" but that's a personal preference.

And not sure about that last line:
A picture of one of our friends holding a baby!
(just kidding ;))

It's looking good!

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 Posted: Sun Dec 9th, 2018 11:07 am
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RainyDayMan
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Music added to the original post.

Bit of a stretch for me vocally, but you'll get the idea :)

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