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a song for a friend
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Mon Nov 5th, 2018 03:02 pm
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tjrtu
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I want to make a song for a friend.I include myself too because we have something in common, and that is struggling wit society.She has been bullied by her look and nation, and they have been laughing to me cuz i was really weird and that was so painful but I want to tell my friend that both of us don't need to care and we both should be happy because of who we are.

and the problem is, as you can see, that my English is not that good, but I'll try to improve that myself, just saying.

here is the begining:
They say I'm too weird
They think I'm just scared (it's because I was fighting against that kind of "buylling",I'm saying that because I think I should put some lyrics here about my "fighting")
I'm not gonna show anything
I'm just gonna play my own thing

(maybe some lyrics here)

We've come a heavy road
We've come a long way
we are different
And the same

chorus
And I will ...
...


and some rap part which includes:
Doesn't matter where you're from
Doesn't matter how you look
Doesn't matter ...

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 Posted: Mon Nov 5th, 2018 08:18 pm
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RainyDayMan
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A good start!

Songs that come from the heart usually have an intensity and passion to them, and I expect yours will be the same.

I like:
we are different
And the same


and also:
We've come a heavy road

You might try:
I'm just gonna play my own thing > I'm just gonna do my own thing

It's early days yet, but keep going!

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 Posted: Tue Nov 6th, 2018 12:29 pm
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Marty Ray Boone
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RainyDayMan wrote:
A good start!

Songs that come from the heart usually have an intensity and passion to them, and I expect yours will be the same.

I like:
we are different
And the same


and also:
We've come a heavy road

You might try:
I'm just gonna play my own thing > I'm just gonna do my own thing

It's early days yet, but keep going!
Keep working on it! I am sure that the words will come to mind. Where are you from? Hope you learn English well. :cool:



____________________
Marty Ray Boone, now seeking God's will for my life and asking if I may serve him as a gospel bass singer and singer of harmonies in that form of music! I thank Holy God for my voice! Near perfect pitch as well, guidance for my fingers on that piano, AMEN
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 Posted: Fri Nov 30th, 2018 02:37 pm
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Andrea
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I hope to see more of this song. So far, so good. It stirs a feeling and offers a connection most people can relate to in their own way.

My favorite is:

We've come a heavy road
We've come a long way
we are different
And the same



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Andrea
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 Posted: Fri Dec 21st, 2018 05:45 pm
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GeeDub
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Hello tjrtu,

Your English is definitely good enough.

I also like the “heavy road” lyric

As for putting some lyrics about your fighting back I thought about one of the ways in which we fight back against someone who is by trying to appear strong and confident on the outside (even if we are hurting on the inside). That made me think about the difference between the imagery in your line

They think I’m just scared

Versus what you are thinking and feeling underneath:

They think I’m just scared
But I don’t really care (this is an obvious rhyme)

Less obvious rhymes like “aware” “prayer” “compare” or “beware” might be good options to play around with.

I have one other suggestion about the rap part at the end:

Doesn’t matter where you’re from
Doesn’t matter how you look
Doesn’t matter…

These are good declarative lines and good ideas but because of that they get used often. What if you flipped them around into a question/lament:

Does it matter where you’re from?
Does it matter how you look?
Does it matter…

Last edited on Fri Dec 21st, 2018 05:45 pm by GeeDub

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