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Blessing in Disguise (look past the pain)
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 Posted: Fri Sep 7th, 2018 03:16 pm
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Motorist Sketchbook
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Title: Blessing in Disguise (look past the pain)
Track Time: 00:00 / BPM: 00

VS 1
Twisted steel and smoke -
a car you cannot drive
You think you will be broke -
But somehow you survive

When we least expect it -
can't believe our eyes
It seems that God directs it -
and he won't compromise

CHORUS
In the blink of an eye -
everything changed
A blessing in disguise -
if we look past the pain  

It can happen so fast -
just a moment in time
Things we think will last -
no reason and no rhyme

VS 2
It's over and gone so quickly -
something said you can't take back
Leaves you feeling alone and sickly -
chained to a torture rack

But now you are set free -
consider all the profits
This is your time to flee -
and date that girl at the office

BRIDGE
Hard to know - the end from the start
(look - past - the - pain) = backing vocals
Or to see - the outcome that awaits
(look - past - the - pain) = backing vocals
You will find it - there in your heart
(look - past - the - pain) = backing vocals
Grace guards you  - from such a fate
(look - past - the - pain) = backing vocals

CHORUS

VS 3
You've been there for years -
didn't see this one coming
The worst of your fears -
should have been running

Lamenting to a friend -
always losing, never winning
Seems like the end -
Or just a new beginning? 

CHORUS

VS 4
Always in the last place we look -
when we find it, we stop looking
Right there inside a book -
A page that you were saving

The answer to a burning question -
right there on that page
Better than a friend could mention -  
or wisdom from a sage

CHORUS / BRIDGE / ENDING


© Steve Lundgren 2018  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



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 Posted: Fri Sep 7th, 2018 10:51 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Nice one Steve! I'm imagining this in a bluesy style.

This one caught my eye right away:
When we least expect it -
can't believe our eyes
It seems that God directs it -
and he won't compromise


I really like that rhyme with God directs it.
Not something you see every day ;)

In v2 you lose that sharp, staccato feel, and I think you might put that back in there. More like:
It's over so quickly -
somethings you can't take back
feeling alone and sickly -
chained to a torture rack

This next part I dont like. I think you might want to replace this:
consider all the profits
This is your time to flee -
and date that girl at the office


Verse 3 is back on track.
For some reason I like the feel of
should have been running > should have kept a-running

The bridge feels strong. Looking forward to hearing that.

The looking/saving rhyme in v4 isn't ideal, but it's not drastic either, and I do like the overall feel of it.
I wondered if you meant the book rather than a book?

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 Posted: Fri Sep 7th, 2018 11:13 pm
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Motorist Sketchbook
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That's great input RDM. Thanks.

I'll for sure make the changes to verse two.
And consider the others.

- Steve

PS --- This is song #16
I'm gearing up to start recording again.





Last edited on Fri Sep 7th, 2018 11:28 pm by Motorist Sketchbook



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 Posted: Fri Sep 7th, 2018 11:19 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Motorist Sketchbook wrote:
PS --- This is song #16
I'm gearing up to start recording again.


Excellent! :)

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 Posted: Fri Sep 7th, 2018 11:30 pm
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Motorist Sketchbook
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Joined: Sat Apr 28th, 2018
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
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Here's the revised verse two and four. Thanks again for your help.


VS 2
It's over so quickly -
words you can't take back
Feeling alone and sickly -
chained to a torture rack

The tongue is deadly evil -
and no man can tame it
When it threatens survival -
you can always blame it



VS 4
Always in the last place we look -
when it's found, the search is done
A slip of paper in a book -
this time you really found the one

The answer to a burning question -
right there on that open page
Better than a friend could mention - 
or ancient wisdom from a sage



This better captures what I was trying to say in verse four.
The verse two revise took a better direction. Thanks.

Last edited on Sat Sep 8th, 2018 12:52 pm by Motorist Sketchbook



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 Posted: Sat Sep 8th, 2018 11:21 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Yep, that works. Nice change!

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