The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

Blue hour
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Wed Jun 20th, 2018 04:15 am
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
LongShadows
Member


Joined: Wed Jul 18th, 2012
Location: Portland, Oregon USA
Posts: 152
Favorite Artist: CSNY, Dylan, Paul Simon, Yes, Tull, the Who, Floyd, Patti, ...
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I'm just trying to decide if using imagery is becoming a lazy habit for me. Seems like I can crank these out fairly easily, with lots af pretty pictures but no real cohesive message.


Blue Hour

(V1)
I walk down to the waterside
To watch a rower gliding past
As the current slows with the rising tide
And the river shines like a sheet of glass

Or a bolt of black lame unfolding
Touching every bank and tress
And the eddies of the rower's oar
Shimmer like an evening dress

In the blue hour

Before the day's last silver light
Is swallowed by the deep blue night
In the blue hour
the blue hour

When a dragonfly creates a breeze
As it hovers near the shallow reeds
In the blue hour
The blue hour

(V2)
High above the waterfront
A flashing stream of glass and chrome
A concrete channel bears the brunt
Of commuters as they hurry home

To happy children in the yard
When the summer sky is still and clear
And the joggers on the esplanade
See every puddle as a mirror

In the blue hour

When the sun's last shadow is devoured
By the dark stone of the office towers
In the blue hour
The blue hour

Desk lamps shine through slatted blinds
To stab the dark with bars of white
In the blue hour
The blue hour

Gregg Barrett

Last edited on Mon Jul 23rd, 2018 06:12 pm by LongShadows



____________________
Just call me Gregg
Back To Top 


 Posted: Thu Jun 21st, 2018 01:06 am
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 4662
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I think a song should be about communicating something - but that something doesn't have to be either a story or deep & meaningful.

Conveying a mood, a feeling, or painting a vivid picture all work as the basis for a good song. I guess the question becomes are you trying to convey anything or is the lyric just phrases combining arbitrarily in rhyme? Does it have value to you?

This one definitely has a mood, and as you noted, is quite vivid. I get a laid back, jazzy vibe from this, and any time I get an idea of the music from the lyric I think there is something good going on there.

As an aside it took me a sec to work out you were writing lamé not lame in that 2nd verse.

Back To Top


 Posted: Thu Jun 21st, 2018 01:57 am
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
LongShadows
Member


Joined: Wed Jul 18th, 2012
Location: Portland, Oregon USA
Posts: 152
Favorite Artist: CSNY, Dylan, Paul Simon, Yes, Tull, the Who, Floyd, Patti, ...
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
For me the value is in the process, so mission accomplished, I guess.

Re:lame- I've yet to find the accent aigu on my smart phone. ♤♡◇♧☆ found these, though! Maybe handy someday.



____________________
Just call me Gregg
Back To Top 


 Posted: Thu Jun 21st, 2018 07:00 pm
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
Seamus
Contributor


Joined: Tue Jan 10th, 2017
Location:  
Posts: 1146
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I quite like this.



____________________
I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work. Thomas Edison (1847-1931)
Back To Top


 Posted: Thu Jul 5th, 2018 04:01 pm
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
samiamiamsam
Member


Joined: Mon Jun 18th, 2018
Location: Charlotte , North Carolina USA
Posts: 249
Favorite Artist: Beatles, Pink Floyd, Leadbelly, Nirvana, REM, Leonard Cohen, Robert Johnson
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Great lyrics. I wish I could write poetry like this.

Last edited on Thu Jul 5th, 2018 04:02 pm by samiamiamsam



____________________
Here is my YouTube and SoundCloud page with some of my original music.

https://www.youtube.com/user/odomodometer/videos
https://soundcloud.com/user-71329120
Back To Top 


 Posted: Fri Jul 27th, 2018 02:48 am
  PMQuoteReply
6th Post
LongShadows
Member


Joined: Wed Jul 18th, 2012
Location: Portland, Oregon USA
Posts: 152
Favorite Artist: CSNY, Dylan, Paul Simon, Yes, Tull, the Who, Floyd, Patti, ...
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
samiamiamsam wrote:
Great lyrics. I wish I could write poetry like this.

Practice makes perfect, I've been at this for decades.



____________________
Just call me Gregg
Back To Top


 Posted: Fri Nov 30th, 2018 03:31 pm
  PMQuoteReply
7th Post
Andrea
Member
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 70
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Online
The imagery is stunning. Do you have any tips to practice this? I enjoy a song that I can picture when I hear the words, and would like to be able to do this better when I write. Thanks



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top 


Current time is 01:34 pm

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1642 seconds (13% database + 87% PHP). 28 queries executed.