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Blue hour
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Wed Jun 20th, 2018 03:15 am
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LongShadows
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I'm just trying to decide if using imagery is becoming a lazy habit for me. Seems like I can crank these out fairly easily, with lots af pretty pictures but no real cohesive message.


Blue Hour

(V1)
I walk down to the waterside
To watch a rower gliding past
As the current slows with the rising tide
And the river shines like a sheet of glass

Or a bolt of black lame unfolding
Touching every bank and tress
And the eddies of the rower's oar
Make it shimmer like an evening dress

In the blue hour

Before the day's last silver light
Is swallowed by the deep blue night
In the blue hour
the blue hour

When a dragonfly creates a breeze
As it hovers near the shallow reeds
In the blue hour
The blue hour

(V2)
High above the waterfront
A flashing stream of glass and chrome
A concrete channel bears the brunt
Of commuters as they hurry home

To happy children in the yard
When the summer sky is still and clear
And the joggers on the esplanade
See every puddle as a mirror

In the blue hour

When the sun's last shadow is devoured
By the dark stone of the office towers
In the blue hour
The blue hour

Desk lamps shine through slatted blinds
To stab the dark with bars of white
In the blue hour
The blue hour

Gregg Barrett



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 Posted: Thu Jun 21st, 2018 12:06 am
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RainyDayMan
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I think a song should be about communicating something - but that something doesn't have to be either a story or deep & meaningful.

Conveying a mood, a feeling, or painting a vivid picture all work as the basis for a good song. I guess the question becomes are you trying to convey anything or is the lyric just phrases combining arbitrarily in rhyme? Does it have value to you?

This one definitely has a mood, and as you noted, is quite vivid. I get a laid back, jazzy vibe from this, and any time I get an idea of the music from the lyric I think there is something good going on there.

As an aside it took me a sec to work out you were writing lamé not lame in that 2nd verse.

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 Posted: Thu Jun 21st, 2018 12:57 am
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LongShadows
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For me the value is in the process, so mission accomplished, I guess.

Re:lame- I've yet to find the accent aigu on my smart phone. ♤♡◇♧☆ found these, though! Maybe handy someday.



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 Posted: Thu Jun 21st, 2018 06:00 pm
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Seamus
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I quite like this.



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 Posted: Thu Jul 5th, 2018 03:01 pm
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samiamiamsam
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Great lyrics. I wish I could write poetry like this.

Last edited on Thu Jul 5th, 2018 03:02 pm by samiamiamsam



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