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Once we were the flowers
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 Posted: Sun Jun 3rd, 2018 07:45 pm
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LongShadows
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Once We Were the Flowers

Once we were the flowers
No, you were the flower,
and I was just the rain
Still and all, we had a certain power
when your petals spilled
to paint the misty plain

Such vivid hues,
the ancient ferns were thalo green with envy
Until my dab of black
turned them all to olive drab

Once we were the flowers
No, you were the flower,
I was just the rain
Once you were the flower
and I was just the rain

I still recall the tune
you were humming in the bathroom
when you didn't see me noticing one day
I can still smell your oils
Tho they are long since dried
and miles and miles away

you always knew
how to reach that place where the colors hide within me
But I can't let them show
I'm always holding something back

Once we were the flowers
No, you were the flower,
I was just the rain
Once you were the flower
And I was just the rain

Gregg Barrett

Last edited on Sun Jun 3rd, 2018 07:48 pm by LongShadows



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 Posted: Tue Jun 5th, 2018 03:20 am
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RainyDayMan
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I like this line:
and I was just the rain
for me it conjures up multiple meanings. Rain being something that nourishes flowers, but also the idea of "raining on my parade", being cold and wet and bringing things down.

There are several painting references there so I infer that she is a painter. I'll say "she" as it seems more likely given the flower motif, although you've left it indeterminate (which is fine).

I like that it's more wistful and nostalgic than sad.
Lines like:
Once we were the flowers
Still and all, we had a certain power
you always knew
how to reach that place where the colors hide within me

suggest that it was a happy time and that the relationship brought out the best in each other.

Then there's the recognition that the narrator was the cause of the breakdown:
No, you were the flower
Until my dab of black
turned them all to olive drab


Quite a lot to pack into a song.

I liked the rhymes across stanzas like "envy" and "within me", and "drab" and "back".

I didn't really get a sense of the rhythm of it, so I hope that you already have music for it, and it all fits together neatly.

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 Posted: Thu Jun 7th, 2018 08:15 pm
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LongShadows
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Thanks RDM, for your astute analysis.

The first three lines were something I had scribbled to test silver ink on black paper, two items I had acquired since my birthday in May, so it's not that old by my standards l, but I have forgotten the original idea if there was one.
When I started this, I was thinking it would be about painting more than about a person, (and yes that person would be a she in my case--no egg shells shattered), and it morphed into a relationship song.
I suppose it could still be about the act of painting if you take it as the muse personified to the extreme.
You were spot on about the "my Dab of black" bit. Olive crab, while not entirely unpleasant, is a tad boring compared to her vivid hues.
As for the structure, no worries, it's a moderately slow pace, so there's plenty of room for scrunching, (think Idiot Wind, and you might get the idea.



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 Posted: Sat Jun 9th, 2018 04:03 pm
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Motorist Sketchbook
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That's interesting.
I like the textual imagery. The metaphors.
Already covered by RDM.

It seems that the relationship is gone.
"... oils ...long since dried
and miles and miles away..."  No reason given.

What are the hopes of the poet? (lyricist)
Just a memory, or a longing to reunite?

Once again, to be the flowers and the rain?
Or flowers and rain no more?

- Steve




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 Posted: Tue Jun 12th, 2018 02:03 am
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LongShadows
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Motorist Sketchbook wrote:


What are the hopes of the poet? (lyricist)
Just a memory, or a longing to reunite?

Once again, to be the flowers and the rain?
Or flowers and rain no more?

- Steve



I think it's more nostalgia than longing or hoping, since there's no actual person attached to this. I was thinking about writing a wrap up chorus, but I made a vow to never rhyme rain with again.



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 Posted: Sun Jul 1st, 2018 08:59 pm
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samiamiamsam
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Hey Gregg, I like your lyrics man. There is some very vivid imagery from your words. Would love to hear this coupled with some music.

I looked through some of your posts but I didn't find any thing you have recorded. Have I missed something?

-sam



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 Posted: Mon Jul 23rd, 2018 08:30 pm
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LongShadows
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I have not posted any audio here as yet. As a lyricist, I often out kick the coverage, that is write lyrics well beyond my skill set as a musician and a singer, and I don't really have means to record right now. Perhaps if I figure out how to work Garage Band(tm) I may start embarrassing myself by posting audio.

Last edited on Mon Jul 23rd, 2018 08:44 pm by LongShadows



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