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TONIGHT SHE'S SLEEPING IN MY TENT
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 Posted: Tue May 15th, 2018 08:49 am
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Misanthropist
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TONIGHT SHE'S SLEEPING IN MY TENT




C D F
Tonight she's sleeping in my tent
G
Free of clothing


C Am G
I talk of stars and other rigmarole
C Am G
She doesn't mind I think she's playing ball
C Am G
I hear our town's got a new shopping mall


C Am G
I wear my hand me-downs on every season
C Am G
Tonight in the tent they're not that pleasing
C Am G
Even though outside is bloody freezing


C D F
Tonight she's sleeping in my tent
G
Free of clothing

Last edited on Thu May 17th, 2018 08:49 am by Misanthropist

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 Posted: Wed May 16th, 2018 12:49 am
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RainyDayMan
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I like it. Kind of cute. Very short though. You've captured a lot in very few words.

"Free of clothing" is much more interesting than saying nude or naked. And the 'free' leads me to think she is spiritually free as well so some interesting associations.

I like the awkwardness in the "I talk of stars and other rigmarole" stanza. Although "I think she's playing ball" felt like you were searching for a rhyme. You've managed to portray a woman fully in control and a guy struggling in just a few keystrokes.

I wasn't sure about "I wear my hand me-downs on every season" at first, but it's growing on me. Felt odd and out of place, but it does lead into the next line.

There's so much that's implied without being stated here. Very cleverly done.

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 Posted: Wed May 16th, 2018 05:04 am
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ilikedolphins
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I think it is nice. I cannot hear the chords in my head. But i like the lyrics.

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 Posted: Wed May 16th, 2018 08:32 pm
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Motorist Sketchbook
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These chords are all in the key of G major.
So, that is an improvement over the last set.

- Steve



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 Posted: Thu May 17th, 2018 08:53 am
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Misanthropist
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Thanks a lot guys you flatter me I just added a chord I had left out when it borne in upon me what F stood for I'm ever so grateful to you all for the acknowledgement enjoy

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 Posted: Thu May 17th, 2018 12:10 pm
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Motorist Sketchbook
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Check for your minor chords.

The C major chord scale would be:
C-Dm-Em-F-G-Am-Bmb5

Your D chord probably needs to be Dm.

- Steve


Last edited on Thu May 17th, 2018 01:22 pm by Motorist Sketchbook



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 Posted: Wed May 23rd, 2018 08:34 am
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Misanthropist
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Thank you,kindly, STEVE!

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