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first set of lyrics
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 Posted: Wed Mar 7th, 2018 12:41 am
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Billy_Lunch_Money
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Okay Folks here goes my first completed set of lyrics EVER! And First ever proper post! I got the initially idea from scraps of paper I'd stashed away ages ago and my youngest son kind'o helped sparking the idea for the ending! Any help I can get would be much appreciated as I'm hoping finish a backing track in the next week of two!



{Intro}
Oh, she dances for the moon.
Just a whisper on the wind.

{verse}
Her eyes all full of stars.
Dancing on the dunes.
such a smile on her face.
Just her and the moon.

{Chorus}
Oh, she dances for the moon.
Just a whisper on the wind.
No, she dances for the moon.
For the moon and no-one else.
Oh, she dances for the moon.

{verse}
Her mind just full of scars.
Her only friend, the moon.
To be in his good grace.
Think I see her swoon.

{Chorus}

{verse}
Want hold her from a far.
No mortal sin within.
A true loving embrace.
Just wasted on La Lune.

{Chorus} X2

{Outro}
But,Here I am
I’m the man in the moon….
And here I remain!


Oz Clarke © 03-07-2018

:shock::shock:

Last edited on Wed Mar 7th, 2018 12:42 am by Billy_Lunch_Money



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 Posted: Wed Mar 7th, 2018 02:22 am
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LongShadows
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I like this, the meter is tight throughout, the lyrics are simple but expressive.

Love that you alternate ohs and nos in the chorus. I think oh, ooh, and ah are the most underrated words in all of songwriting.

I'm not crazy for this bit-

Want hold her from afar.
No mortal sin within.
A true loving embrace.
Just wasted on La Lune.


-there's no rhyme like the other verses, and the words 'mortal sin' and 'wasted' feel awkward because the rest of the lyric is lighter of heart.



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 Posted: Wed Mar 7th, 2018 10:11 pm
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RainyDayMan
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I like it! To me, it's all about the dreamy feeling. It's not really a story. I think the music will be important to really make that feeling come alive.

My favourite part is that first verse. Really nice!

The "swoon" line felt like you were stretching for a rhyme, but it's ok.

Looking forward to hearing it when you've recorded it. :)



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 Posted: Wed Mar 7th, 2018 10:31 pm
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Billy_Lunch_Money
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Thanks for the input Longshadows

I wouldn't have noticed that big mistake on the third verse. I was using the other verses as reminder and guess i must looked at the second line of the chorus instead! I was a too tired to have noticed. Thinking about it, that verse is a bit of a stinker, So I think I'll have a crack at rewriting it tonight!

One other thing though, I still can't make up my mind up between "She's Dancing for the moon" or "She's Dancing with the moon" Maybe it's both?




Oz

Last edited on Wed Mar 7th, 2018 11:30 pm by Billy_Lunch_Money



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 Posted: Thu Mar 8th, 2018 12:25 am
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Billy_Lunch_Money
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Finally! here's an alternative to verse three! I thought i'd better post the whole thing again!? I've also taken on board what Mr RainyDayMan said and decided to change the last two lines in the second verse too.

As for recording it! I did say I would; just gotta pluck up the courage.

Any and all suggestions are welcome, including type O's. Thanks guys I couldn't have got this far without your help!

{Intro}
Oh, she dances for the moon.
Just a whisper on the wind.

{verse}
Her eyes all full of stars.
Dancing on the dunes.
Such a smile on her face.
Just her and the moon.

{Chorus}
Oh, she dances for the moon.
Just a whisper on the wind.
No, she dances for the moon.
For the moon and no-one else.
Oh, she dances for the moon.

{verse}
Her mind just full of scars.
Her only friend, the moon.
She moves with effortless grace.
Like a flower in bloom.

{Chorus}

{verse}
She's adored from a far.
They'll be together soon.
To feel the other's embrace.
Her and her lover La Lune.

{Chorus} X2

{Outro}
But,Here I am...
I’m the man in the moon!

Oz Clarke © 03-08-2018

Last edited on Thu Mar 8th, 2018 09:18 am by Billy_Lunch_Money



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 Posted: Thu Mar 8th, 2018 12:30 am
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Billy_Lunch_Money
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Oops I posted the same thing twice there!

Last edited on Thu Mar 8th, 2018 09:17 am by Billy_Lunch_Money



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 Posted: Fri Mar 9th, 2018 10:04 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Nice! Definitely an improvement. :)

You might try "each other's embrace".



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 Posted: Thu Mar 15th, 2018 11:20 pm
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Billy_Lunch_Money
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It's been a while since my last post but I promise to get the recorded soon! Well I discovered my current acoustic guitar wasn't up to it! Got new one and once I've put a new nut, re-fret it and installed an E.Q and pickup i'll be good to go!

Last edited on Sun Mar 18th, 2018 11:47 pm by Billy_Lunch_Money



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 Posted: Wed Apr 25th, 2018 09:09 pm
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Billy_Lunch_Money
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Sorry Guys, I've been away working on the backing track for the above song. It been one one mishap after another. First of all the computer goes down and I loose the work I'd done so far. Started again and its turned out better that before. Then I get a chest infection I'm back on my feet and yesterbay I got microphone problems or USB interface firmware issues.

Anyway here's what I done so far let my know what you think. Any and all feedback would be much appreciated.

https://soundcloud.com/elijah-falls/dances-for-the-moon-instrumental

Last edited on Wed Apr 25th, 2018 09:29 pm by Billy_Lunch_Money



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 Posted: Wed Apr 25th, 2018 11:32 pm
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RainyDayMan
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That's a bad run of luck!
I like what you have so far, has a soft dreamy feel to it :)



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 Posted: Sat May 5th, 2018 03:47 pm
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Billy_Lunch_Money
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A few more days and may have the vocals sorted! Been waiting for a new usb interface!:Thumbs



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 Posted: Wed Jan 29th, 2020 10:38 pm
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Billy_Lunch_Money
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Dear Oh dear,

Sorry I've been away so long. Family Life and what not.

I've finally recorded lyric for this and you can find them at
https://soundcloud.com/elijah-falls/dances-for-the-moon



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 Posted: Mon Feb 3rd, 2020 08:14 pm
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Andrea
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Hi Billy, I listened to the song earlier and would have liked to have the lyrics as I listened. As I said before, it is lovely soothing song.



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 Posted: Tue Feb 4th, 2020 12:52 am
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Billy_Lunch_Money
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Okay Andrea here's the set I used



Oh, she dances for the moon.
Hear a whisper in the wind.
she dances for the moon.

Her eyes just full of stars.
Barefoot on the dunes.
Bliss won't be replaced.
For her and the moon.

Oh, she dances for the moon.
Hear a whispers in the wind.
She dances for the moon.
The moon and no-one else.

Her mind just full of scars.
Her only friend's the moon.
As she flows with easy and grace.
Like all the flowers in full bloom.

Oh, she dances for the moon.
Can you hear the whispers in the wind.
She dances for the moon.
The moon and no-one else.

Looking down from afar.
Could they be together soon.
Feel that warm embrace.
Her love is for the moon.

Coz, I’m the man in the moon!


Oz Clarke © 09-01-2020

Last edited on Tue Feb 4th, 2020 12:53 am by Billy_Lunch_Money



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