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 Posted: Sat Feb 10th, 2018 05:37 am
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LongShadows
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This is kind of hard to explain so I won't bother trying, except to say that it is a series of doublets I wrote on a given subject and am trying to work out the order. I have ideas for the chorus, but I'll sort that out later. I believe I have settled on the order for V1 and V2 but I still need to come up with a 4th for V3 and how to wrap it up to be the finale.

V.1
all those reminiscing hippies have selective memories
they're becoming scholars of redacted history

those were some troubled times, man, those were desperate days
anyone who crossed the line was likely to be slain

they got King and two Kennedy's when they were in their prime
and tried to silence anyone who dared to speak their mind

I'll never wax nostalgic over nineteen sixty nine
I was there, man, I feel lucky that I made it out alive


V.2
they said the bomb was coming soon, death was imminent
so we were taught to duck and cover underneath our desk

boys too young to vote were sent to fight in southeast Asia
they came back in a box, or in a chair, or bat-*** crazy

Dogs and fire hoses were the trusted remedies
for anyone who even mentioned civil liberties

the glow of burning ghettos cast a less-than-pleasant aura
and Lord help anybody whose skin was darker than Cremora


V.3
that's not the kind of world that I'd be apt to recommend
there ain't no way in hell I'd want to live through that again

when I weigh the contributions of the Pepsi generation
I tend to find a conflict in the standard deviation

Psychedelic filters colored everything they did
black-light posters spread the word--napalm sticks to kids

I'll never wax nostalgic over nineteen sixty nine
I was there, man, I feel lucky that I made it out alive

Last edited on Sat Feb 10th, 2018 05:44 am by LongShadows



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 Posted: Sat Feb 10th, 2018 10:43 am
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Seamus
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I really like this a lot, good work friend.



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 Posted: Sat Feb 10th, 2018 11:16 am
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RainyDayMan
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Yep, agreed. Particularly those core lines:
I'll never wax nostalgic over nineteen sixty nine
I was there, man, I feel lucky that I made it out alive

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 Posted: Mon Feb 12th, 2018 09:20 pm
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jaysays
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Some very powerful words. I particularly liked "scholars of redacted history."

I'm curious if you need the word "that" in the line, "I was there, man, I feel lucky that I made it out alive."

It may have a little more punch as, "I was there, man, I feel lucky, I made it out alive"

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 Posted: Wed Feb 14th, 2018 02:19 am
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LongShadows
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jaysays wrote:


I'm curious if you need the word "that" in the line, "I was there, man, I feel lucky that I made it out alive."


Normally, I'd say no,I don't need it. I'm not married to any word, especially fillers like that, still, and, etc. This piece is almost spoken word, and as I have to stuff each line into 4 bars at a fairly quick tempo, I need every syllable to keep the pace. When tongue and tooth are travelling at near maximum velosity, rests tend to trip me up. Since 'that' doesn't fall on a stress point, it's more-or-less elided over, anyway.

I was there man, I feel lucky that I made it out alive!

I appreciate the read, I'll be posting an updated version soon.
*edit: actually, I'll just do it now.

Age of Precarious

All us reminiscing Boomers have selective memories
We're becoming scholars of redacted history

Those were troubled times, man, those were desperate days
Anyone who crossed the line was likely to be slain

They got King and two Kennedy's when they were in their prime
They tried to silence anyone who dared to speak their mind

I'll never wax nostalgic over nineteen sixty nine
I was there, man-I feel lucky that I made it out alive!

*****

They said the bomb was coming soon to bring us certain death
So I was taught to duck and cover underneath my desk

Boys too young to vote were sent to fight in southeast Asia
They came back in a box or in a chair and bat-*** crazy

Dogs and fire hoses were the trusted remedy
For anyone who even mentioned civil liberties

The glow of burning ghettos cast a not-so-pleasant aura
And lord help anyone whose skin was darker than Cremora!

*****

When I weigh the contributions of the Pepsi generation
I tend to find a conflict in the standard deviation

Psychedelic filters colored everything we did
Blacklight posters spread the word-napalm sticks to kids

Peace and understanding seemed so easy to attain
When viewed on sunny mornings through a purple window pane

Burning bras and draft-cards must have smelled like raisin toast
To rock stars who were keeling over just like dominoes

*****

We stood for peace and unity, equality and love
We sat in for humanity and all of the above

Our eyes were on the future but we really didn't know
Jupiter aligned with Mars a million years ago

 We might have been eight miles high, but we weren't really soaring
Somewhere in the thick of it, the battle just got boring

When those lofty aspirations couldn't float a lead balloon
We strapped 'em to a rocket and we shot 'em to the moon
 

Last edited on Wed Feb 14th, 2018 04:10 am by LongShadows



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 Posted: Sun Feb 18th, 2018 01:23 am
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Dogmax
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First of an orchestra could do wonders to bring life to your lyrics, what your thoughts ahead.

Last edited on Sun Feb 18th, 2018 01:23 am by Dogmax



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