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Lonely Bird
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Thu Jan 11th, 2018 09:54 pm
1st Post

Joined: Sat Aug 26th, 2017
Posts: 12
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter
A recently finished song, the timing and mixing needs work but its mostly recorded for the idea. My wife has a Conure, which she had before we met. The conures cage is right next to my piano, thats basically where the lyrics come from.


Hey lonely bird,
screaming all night
hey lonely bird
dreaming of flight
hey lonely bird
where would you be
if you were me

Hey lonely bird 2x

hey lonely bird
what does it mean
another word
halfway between
a melody
bringing along
your lonely song

hey lonely bird 4x


hey lonely bird
the nights are so long
another bird
singing along
a harmony
written between
the apple trees

Hey lonely bird 4x?

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 Posted: Fri Jan 12th, 2018 04:21 am
2nd Post

Joined: Thu Jan 11th, 2018
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico USA
Posts: 8
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
I really like this.  The vocals are a great fit with the instrumentation - sort of an update of a '60s pop style.  I read the lyrics before listening, and they didn't do much for me, but with the music, it really comes together.  I don't see that much to fix with the recording / mixing, other than that the drums (not the cymbals) are a little muted.  The drums seem sort of halting, too, in spots.  They sound like they're recorded live, though, so no points off.  If you re-record the drums at some point, maybe some EQ; the cymbals are really bright, and the drums ... aren't.  Really nice work, though (and my 13-y.o. son came in while I was listening, and we agree - this is just a good song, period).

Edit:  Meant to add that when the song ended, I told my son, "love that dissonance in the chord progression."  My son, who does not give praise ... basically ever, nodded emphatically and said "love it."

Last edited on Fri Jan 12th, 2018 04:48 am by fatesaccomplice

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 Posted: Fri Jan 12th, 2018 05:17 am
3rd Post
TSF Administrator

Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 3941
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Oh this is wonderful! Really enjoyed it!

That melody on the:
Hey lonely bird 2x (etc)
lines just draws me in.

The lyrics are definitely secondary to the music but I did like:
where would you be
if you were me

and also the syncopation/timing on lines like:
halfway between

Love the bridge too with its build up.

Great job! I'll be listening to this one again.

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 Posted: Sat Jan 20th, 2018 05:18 am
4th Post

Joined: Sat Jan 20th, 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 21
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Nice mellow tune.

It caught me from the get-go.
Sort of engaging, easy to listen to

I tend to catch on more to the tune on most
songs than lyrics. I've always had a hard time
remembering or even hearing lyrics, but it's
typically the tune that stays with me.

And yes, the off-beat drums sort of take me out
of my happy place here. If you correct that,
you've got a winner!

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