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 Posted: Wed Jan 3rd, 2018 03:58 am
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sandyshores123
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Hello again
I hope you know I've missed you ever since that day
And till the end
I know that I'll regret everything I didn't say

And I think of you every single day
And every time I do I see your face
And wonder if it isn't too late for us to change
Every single word that came out wrong
Haunted me right after you were gone
And it won't ever stop unless one of us comes and says

Don't you ever think I won't come running
Don't you ever think I won't care when you die
Don't you ever think I'd leave you lost and alone in the dead of night
Don't you ever think that I'm not coming
Don't you ever think I'd say goodbye
Don't you ever think if you were lost and alone I wouldn't show you to the light
Wouldn't show you to the light, oh

Hello again
I hope you know I didn't mean a single thing
And now and then
Are the same but it doesn't have to be that way

And I think of you every single day
And every time I do I see your face
And wonder if it isn't too late for us to change
Every single word that came out wrong
Haunted me right after you were gone
And it won't ever stop unless one of us comes and says

Don't you ever think I won't come running
Don't you ever think I won't care when you die
Don't you ever think I'd leave you lost and alone in the dead of night
Don't you ever think that I'm not coming
Don't you ever think I'd say goodbye
Don't you ever think if you were lost and alone I wouldn't show you to the light
Wouldn't show you to the light, oh

And if you want to blame me, go ahead
It doesn't matter if I think it's you instead
Whatever it will take to bring back my friend

Don't you ever think I won't come running
Don't you ever think I won't care when you die
Don't you ever think I'd leave you lost and alone in the dead of night
Don't you ever think that I'm not coming
Don't you ever think I'd say goodbye
Don't you ever think if you were lost and alone I wouldn't show you to the light
Wouldn't show you to the light
Don't you ever think if you were lost and alone I wouldn't show you to the light



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"The trouble with hope is that it's hard to resist."

--The Doctor
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 Posted: Thu Jan 4th, 2018 01:29 am
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RainyDayMan
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Really good structure to this, easy to see which parts are musically repetitions.

I liked the rhyme on the very last word in the "Hello again..." sections. Subtle but nice!

My only suggestion would be to break up the "Don't you ever think" lines. It's always a risk commenting without hearing it, but it feels like there are too many in a row.
You might try using:
"Do you think I'd leave you lost ..." ;or
"That I'd leave you lost ..."
just to add some variation before returning to the
"Don't you ever think..." lines again

"Don't you ever think I won't care when you die"
seems like a fairly negative line for what is meant to be supportive and caring, but that's fairly minor.

With your musical abilities, are you able to record this at all? I get the sense you already have a melody for it.

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 Posted: Thu Jan 4th, 2018 04:20 am
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sandyshores123
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Thanks for your suggestions! I'll definitely use them.

I could record myself singing it, but not with an instrument because I haven't worked out the notes yet (I'm really bad at that part ;)).

Last edited on Thu Jan 4th, 2018 04:21 am by sandyshores123



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"The trouble with hope is that it's hard to resist."

--The Doctor
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 Posted: Sat Jan 27th, 2018 05:06 pm
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marouctc
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You wrote this about a real situation (i think)

Sentiment is easy to grasp and you do a great job of saying it in well written song structure.

Looking at your favorites...are you a female singer?

If so, I wrote an album for a female R&B singer.

I'll post a song tommorrow

How about a collab?

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 Posted: Sat Jan 27th, 2018 07:30 pm
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sandyshores123
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Yup, I'm a female singer, but I haven't published any songs. Right now I'm in the "messing around with words and tunes" phase and can't publish anything right now, but if all you're looking for is a mutual critique, then yeah, I'd like that! Thanks!



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"The trouble with hope is that it's hard to resist."

--The Doctor
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 Posted: Sat Jan 27th, 2018 09:00 pm
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marouctc
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they ask that you only post one song a day here.

So I'll post a song I wrote for a female R&B singer tommorrow.

I know you write yourself but if you would sing another writer's songs, I have an album I need a singer for?

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 Posted: Sun Jan 28th, 2018 02:07 am
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sandyshores123
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Sure! But I'm a little confused at how this would work--do you want me to record myself singing your song (using a Voice Memo app on my phone because seriously, that's all I know about recording anything) and send the recording to you? I'm kinda new to this songwriting business. :)

Last edited on Sun Jan 28th, 2018 02:09 am by sandyshores123



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"The trouble with hope is that it's hard to resist."

--The Doctor
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 Posted: Mon Jan 29th, 2018 04:36 pm
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marouctc
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that will work. And if you play a musical instrument, give me one backing track.

I offer you 45 percent if you sing and back the song up with an instrument.

if you add lyrics that adds to or better the song, your percentage goes up to 50 percent

i have a song up now called "exist with men."

the rap part will be done by a guest rapper

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 Posted: Mon Jun 4th, 2018 06:39 pm
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Blues Preacher
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The regret comes through, which is what one wants. I too like the repetition in the chorus.

One thing: The lines, "And now and then / Are the same but it doesn't have to be that way"--I'm not sure what that means.



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