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Slowly Dying (Please Don't Leave)
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Sun Nov 5th, 2017 10:45 pm
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Dogmax
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Joined: Mon Mar 4th, 2013
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Another co-write i did with a young lady a few years back, Jana Hanses

Thank you all for listening.


https://www.reverbnation.com/PatFeely/song/27066113-slowly-dying-please-dont-leave

Slowly Dying (Please Don't Leave)

In a crowded hallway there's only you and me
Something in the way you looked tell me its the end you see
Its not alright its not okay the world crashing down on me
My wounds are deep my knees are weak your eyes are lying to me

I'm slowly dying here in your arms
I'm barely breathing can't you see
Crazy how falling feels like flying for a while at least
I'm slowly dying in your arms please please don't leave

I thought we where unbreakable forever you and me
Can't believe its going to end all you want is to be free
Three words its too late three words knocked me down
My wounds are deep my knees are weak your eyes are lying to me

I'm slowly dying here in your arms
I'm barely breathing can't you see
Crazy how falling feels like flying for a while at least
I'm slowly dying in your arms please please don't leave

In a crowded hallway there's only you and me
Something in the way you looked tell me its the end you see
Its not alright its not okay the world crashing down on me
My wounds are deep my knees are weak your eyes are lying to me

I'm slowly dying here in your arms
I'm barely breathing can't you see
Crazy how falling feels like flying for a while at least
I'm slowly dying in your arms please please don't leave

© copyright house all rights reserved



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https://soundcloud.com/patfeely

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdeUJMibOK0V5L25rce5xbQ
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 Posted: Sun Nov 5th, 2017 11:58 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
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I like this, but some of the lines in the verses feel too crowded, as in too many syllables. I think its better where it feels slower and sparser. For me it has a haunting quality in those parts.

The chorus is strong and I particularly like :
Crazy how falling feels like flying for a while at least
The pause after "I'm slowly dying" works well and gives it some punch.

your eyes are lying to me
is another tight phrase.

Enjoyed it!

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 Posted: Sun Nov 12th, 2017 11:08 pm
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Dogmax
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RainyDayMan wrote:
I like this, but some of the lines in the verses feel too crowded, as in too many syllables. I think its better where it feels slower and sparser. For me it has a haunting quality in those parts.

The chorus is strong and I particularly like :
Crazy how falling feels like flying for a while at least
The pause after "I'm slowly dying" works well and gives it some punch.

your eyes are lying to me
is another tight phrase.

Enjoyed it!


Yeah Owen there was a problem at first with the verses been too crowded and i had to work on that with guitar and vocal, holding some chords on repeat to keep the flow going, but i will say it was a very enjoyable song to sing theres a certain flow to it that i really like going with and thanks to Jana she give me the freedom of her lyrics to do that.

Maybe we should open up a discussion on how lyrics are started and their move into songs, cool :cool:



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https://www.reverbnation.com/patfeely

https://soundcloud.com/patfeely

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdeUJMibOK0V5L25rce5xbQ
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