The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

Only bad news
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Thu Nov 2nd, 2017 04:45 pm
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
Seamus
Member
 

Joined: Tue Jan 10th, 2017
Location:  
Posts: 695
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Its only bad news when you're singing the blues
no good thoughts sing out in the tune
want to tell the world about your sad life
but there's only you in the room

there was a twist to the girl you kissed
as she left with another guy
its always the same when you ask for their name
but you still continue to try

we all have days we live in a haze
and others we'd like to forget
but we have to move on get the job done
or live a life of reget

so we turn the page trying not to age
move to a brand new day
looking for news that doesn't give you the blues
but real life gets in the way

maybe one day your dreams will come true
you'll forget the songs that were bleak
no longer in a haze you'll run out of days
as theres not enough days in the week

Its only bad news when you're singing the blues
no good thoughts sing out in the tune
want to tell the world about your sad life
but there's only you in the room


CopyrightAlanEvans30102017

Last edited on Sat Nov 4th, 2017 08:52 pm by Seamus



____________________
I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work. Thomas Edison (1847-1931)
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sat Nov 4th, 2017 12:15 am
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 3656
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Love that first verse, especially the first line. Has a real bluesy feel and sets everything up nicely!

Not sure about "but we have to crack on".
It may not translate well to a wider audience.

You might try:
looking for news that doesn't give you the blues >
looking for news that don't give you the blues
just to add to that bluesy feel.

I think this bit needs a little rework:
no longer in a haze you''ll run out of days
as theres not enough days in the week

All the rhymes stand out as being out of sync with the rest where you only use those internal rhymes on the first line of each verse. Its not the strongest part of the lyric either.

The repeat of the verse at the end works well, especially since it's such a good one :)

Nice! I like it!

Back To Top


 Posted: Sat Nov 4th, 2017 08:54 pm
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
Seamus
Member
 

Joined: Tue Jan 10th, 2017
Location:  
Posts: 695
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
changed crack on to move on let me know what you think.



____________________
I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work. Thomas Edison (1847-1931)
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sat Nov 4th, 2017 10:45 pm
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 3656
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Nice! Yep I think that's better. Good stuff :)

Back To Top


Current time is 07:50 am

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1254 seconds (11% database + 89% PHP). 26 queries executed.