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I'm all out of luck
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Fri Oct 20th, 2017 09:23 pm
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Seamus
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It's no surprise that you light up the skies
with a smile as bright as the day
the look in your eyes showing no lies
tells me that you're here to stay

I'm all out of luck used it all up
when you said that you'd be mine
such a delight when you gave up the fight
and the pieces all fell into line

I'm on top of the world now I've found my girl
its clear for all to see
the smile on my face lights up the place
at last I'm happy to be me

I'm all out of luck used it all up
when you said that you'd be mine
such a delight when you gave up the fight
and the pieces all fell into line

I feel like a king now you're wearing my ring
so elated I'm walking on air
you're such a find an intelligent mind
and all the fun of the fair

I'm all out of luck used it all up
when you said that you'd be mine
such a delight when you gave up the fight
and the pieces all fell into line

CopyrightAlanEvans20102017



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 Posted: Fri Oct 20th, 2017 09:36 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Nice! Good to see a happy song.

I like your rhyming scheme, but I would also consider using a bridge with a completely different pattern just to break it up a little in the middle and add variety.

I like these lines especially:
I'm all out of luck used it all up
when you said that you'd be mine

starts off like a negative, then turns it right around.

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 Posted: Sat Oct 21st, 2017 04:44 pm
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Seamus
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Thanks for looking friend



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 Posted: Sun Nov 12th, 2017 09:00 pm
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Jbstewart73
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This is an impressive write. Very good.

I, too, really like the rhyme scheme. Nice work!!

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 Posted: Sun Dec 24th, 2017 07:00 am
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jdtaper
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This is the kind of song that has a sing-along hook that could ge tstuck in your head for days1! The kind of songs that have been played on radio a lot lately!

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 Posted: Sun Dec 24th, 2017 05:01 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Nice work Seamus



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 Posted: Wed Jun 12th, 2019 07:08 am
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Seamus
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Thanks to you all who looked and commented, once again muchas gracias.



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