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Seamus
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The devil may tread
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13930084

Don't like those days that end in a Y
pain in my head I so wanna cry
I thought today I'd wake up dead
I've been to places the devil won't tread

one more drink and I'll be okay
thats what I tell myself to say
just one nip to keep out the cold
its a story that many have told

oh these lies no-one believes
even myself I can't deceive
just one more til the bottles done
another day that the devils won

tomorrows just another day
another bottle in the same old way
maybe then I'll wake up dead
in a place where the devil may tread

CopyrightAlanEvans29012017

fasstrack
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Wow! You sure don't beat around the bush.

Strong stuff...

PrettyBoyMitch
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'Just one nip to keep out the cold'
That was my favorite line! Really good!

Seamus
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Thank you for your time, are you interested in a collab on any of my songs I have no musical ability whatsoever; I only write words.

Seamus
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Cheers Thanks.

RainyDayMan
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I've been to places the devil won't tread
what a wonderful phrase!

I like this one a lot Seamus! It's down and dirty and unrelenting.

Very good stuff. :)

Seamus
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Thank you.

fasstrack
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I hate days that end in a Y: Killer. May be one of the best lines I ever read!

Last edited on Sat Jun 17th, 2017 08:45 pm by fasstrack

fasstrack
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Would you like me to write music to this? (I don't have any home studio set-up and you'd have to read the lead sheet or have someone play it for you).

Let me know...

Seamus
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Hi
Sorry for the delay but I've only just seen this; I would love for you to put some music to this whether it be lead sheet or other that would be fantastic; I can't read music but I will find someone who can play it for me. Thank you ever so much.

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Dark and beautiful, man im looking forward to hearing this :cool:

fasstrack
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Seamus:

I copied your lyric into Word, corrected some grammatical things, and---I hope you don't mind---changed 1 line to: '...a story that many times has been told'. Just seemed stronger.

When the spirit hits me, I'll be happy to try to write a suitable melody. Hell, if Sondheim can write about slitting people's throats, throwing them down a chute to where meat pies are made from them (Sweeney Todd)---AND have an award-winning hit, I'll be damned if I can't write some music to a theme less dark than that...

Seamus
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I await with abated breath lol

fasstrack
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Hope you don't mind that I made some changes. I won't go further to write music w/o your approval. The premise is def intact:

THE DEVIL MAY TREAD

Don't like any days that end in Y
Pain in my head so bad I could cry
I thought today I'd wake up dead
I've been to places the devil won't tread

‘Just one more drink and I'll be okay’
That’s what I tell myself each and every day
‘Just one last nip to keep out the cold’
Just one last bill of goods to myself I’ve sold


And these lies I tell no one would believe
But me, so I tell myself ‘my pain I must relieve
I’ll pour just one more, since the bottle’s nearly done’
So I drink to one more day that the devil has won

Tomorrow will only be the same as today
Another bottle in the same old way
Maybe the next day I'll wake up dead
In a place where the devil may tread

CopyrightAlanEvans29012017

Last edited on Mon Jul 17th, 2017 07:39 pm by fasstrack

fasstrack
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Here's my final cut, including a title change. I won't do anything w/it w/o your consent:

THE DEVIL AND THE BOTTLE
Seems like any day that ends in Y
Brings pain so bad I just wish I’d die
And I thought today for sure I'd wake up dead
‘Cause I've been places even the devil won't tread

‘Just one more drink and I'll be okay’
That’s what I tell myself each and every day
‘Just one last nip to keep out the cold’
Just one last bill of goods to myself I’ve sold

And the pain, oh---nobody would believe
Except me, as I tell myself ‘It’s only to relieve.
I’ll pour just one more, since the bottle’s nearly done’
Then drink to one more day that the devil has won

So tomorrow will only be just like today
Having ‘one last bottle’ in the same old way
And maybe the day after I'll wake up dead
In a place where just the devil is known to tread

CopyrightAlanEvans29012017

Seamus
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work away my friend I cant wait to hear the finished product.

Seamus
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need a composer to help with making this into a recordable song.

Seamus
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Where are you Mr Blues singer?

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Dang man! You sure get the whole "just one drink ending up 20" thing. I love the line about "where the devil won't tread".

Seamus
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Thanks, friend, can you put some music and a voice to this?

Seamus
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Thanks, friend, can you put some music and a voice to this?

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Very bold - love it. I can picture the whole song taking place scene by scene.

Seamus
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Thanks for looking and commenting friend.

Seamus
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Where did you go to Mr Fasstrack?

Seamus
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Almost ten thousand views on this anyone got music?

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Great lyric, Seamus. I like the line about a place where the devil won't treat. But I also quite like the idea of waking up where the devil breaks bread, kind of where he hangs out with new folk.

Looking forward to hearing it.

Seamus
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Maybe you'd like to put the music to it?

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I'm primarily a lyricist; rubbish at melodies. My writing partner may have been able to help, but he barely has enough time to work on our stuff at the moment, and we need to get some new material finished. They're strong lyrics, and I'm sure someone will pick them up.;)

Seamus
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I live in hope. lol

Seamus2
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Can someone bring this to life?

RainyDayMan
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What do you think of this?
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13930084

Sean T.
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It all sounded pretty good to me (music, lyrics, singing). I'm coming late the thread but I like this. Cool synth sound. Moog synthesizer?

RainyDayMan
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No "Synth1" virtual synth VST. Free to download if you care to.

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Reads well and sounding good in Owen's version.

It throws me off a bit that I like the line "the devil won't tread" and the idea reworking "where angels fear to tread", but "devil may tread" seems off b/c people often associate demons/spirits and drinking.

"Don't like those days that end in a Y"

I like this, but most would here instead of read a song, so it would sound like "Don't like those days that end in a WHY" ....BUT that's a cool line too!


pain in my head I so wanna cry...could be stronger
I thought today I'd wake up dead....funny/clever
I've been to places the devil won't tread....needs clarification

one more drink and I'll be okay...good
thats what I tell myself to say...could be stronger
just one nip to keep out the cold....great
its a story that many have told...could be stronger

oh these lies no-one believes...this doesn't match up with the last line of previous verse
even myself I can't deceive...awkward wording for rhyme's sake
just one more til the bottles done....ok
another day that the devils won....here is confusing devil here/doesn't tread/may tread

tomorrows just another day....fine
another bottle in the same old way....good
maybe then I'll wake up dead...nice play on previous setup
in a place where the devil may tread...unclear again

Thanks for sharing.

James

Seamus2
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Happy new year to you all.

fasstrack
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I haven't hung out here for some time. Came looking for an old lyric of mine.

But I plan to someday record The Devil and the Bottle on a blues date. It's built on your lyric and you deserve a co-write. PM your info and I'll check back. Thanks...

fasstrack
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Here's my final cut. If it comes to a commercial recording you are owed a co-write. It's inspired by and built on the bones of your lyric:

THE DEVIL AND THE BOTTLE Joel Fass © 2018 Exemplar (ASCAP)



As yet another wasted day finally ends
With the devil and the bottle, those unshakeable friends
I pray that tomorrow I’ll wake up dead
But for now I’ll live on to bear this load instead

I’ll go on telling myself, each and every day:
‘Just one more drink, I swear I’ll be okay’
‘Just one last taste, after that no more!’
Yeah, just one last taste, Hey, devil---you pour!

Next day, the bottle beckons: ‘Just one nip, you're wanting some’.
Then without thinking twice, once more I succumb
My way to fight temptation is not to fight at all
So I devour that bottle, thinking ‘hey, it was his call’

Soon before I know it, another day is done
As the devil sits and grins, for once again he’s won
And the days all run together, each and every one the same
With the devil and the bottle as masters of the game



So once again, as another day is done
The devil toasts the bottle---once again they've won
These days sure run together, and always end the same
With the devil and the bottle as masters of the game

Tomorrow will surely be just like today
Another pour, another bottle in the same old way
If I should wake up dead, I still won’t be free
Even death won’t ever stop those two from haunting me

So I’ll just pour one more, what the hell---live for today
Try not to think too much, say again ‘Hey, I’m okay’
But of course, down deep it’s gone beyond my control
Can’t win when the devil and the bottle own your very soul
Not when the devil and the bottle own your very soul

fasstrack
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*Final cut, The Devil & the Bottle:



THE DEVIL AND THE BOTTLE Joel Fass © 2018 Exemplar (ASCAP)

As yet another wasted day finally ends
With the devil and the bottle, those unshakeable friends
And I pray that tomorrow I’ll wake up dead
But for now I’ll live on to carry this load instead
And I’ll go on telling myself, each and every day:
‘Just one more drink, I swear I’ll be okay’
‘Just one last taste, after that no more!’
Yeah, just one last taste, c’mon, devil---YOU pour!

Next day, the bottle beckons: ‘Just one nip, you're wanting some’.
And without thinking twice, once again I succumb
My way to fight temptation is not to fight at all
So I devour that bottle, thinking ‘it was HIS call’

And before I know it, another day is done
As the devil sits and grins, for once again he’s won
All the days run together, each and every one the same
With the devil and the bottle as masters of the game

And so once again, as another day is done
The devil toasts the bottle---once again they have won
These days sure run together, and always end the same
With the devil and the bottle as masters of the game

Tomorrow will surely be just like today
Another pour, another bottle in the same old way
And should I wake up dead, I still won’t be free
Even death won’t ever stop those two from haunting me

So I’ll just pour one more, what the hell---live for today
Try not to think too much, say again ‘Hey, I’m okay’
But of course, down deep I know it’s gone beyond control
Can’t win when the devil and the bottle own your soul
It’s over when the devil and the bottle own your soul

*Asking y'all: if it came to a recording and a little royalty $---other than the idea is there enough similarity between the 2 to give this forthright gentleman a co-write/co-royalty?...

Last edited on Fri Feb 12th, 2021 07:49 pm by fasstrack


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