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Walk in Circles
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Mon Dec 5th, 2016 03:18 am
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jaysays
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This is a song I've been working on. Found someone locally willing to work with me on guitar and drums for this one.

Link to Play: http://chirb.it/8qdCsv

LYRICS:

I'm walking down the street and all the people say your name.
Don't know how they know you, I wish I could say the same.
Everyone stares at me, there's tears in my eyes.
Cuz since you left me, I wanna lay down and die.

Instead I walk in circles tonight.
I walk in circles tonight.

Looking ahead I see, an old man begging for change
I push right past him, thinking I might know his pain.
Pass the same street signs, another traffic light.
Sign says don't walk now, but I think I'll risk it this time.

Instead I walk in circles tonight.
I walk in circles tonight
I walk in circles
Circles tonight
tonight.

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 Posted: Tue Dec 6th, 2016 01:13 am
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RainyDayMan
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Wow, powerful chorus! Strong emotions and nicely told.

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 Posted: Tue Dec 6th, 2016 06:58 pm
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jaysays
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Thank you. I keep mulling over adding an additional verse, but I like it where it is and don't feel there is more to the story to tell yet.

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 Posted: Tue Dec 6th, 2016 08:17 pm
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RainyDayMan
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If you are aiming this for a commercial market, then the length of the track becomes very important. The pace of the song is slow, so from memory this was about 3 mins anyway as is Otherwise, like you, I would say stick with what feels right.

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 Posted: Tue Dec 6th, 2016 08:20 pm
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jaysays
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Thanks again for the feedback. I write more for myself than a commercial market. Perhaps as I work on filling out the song I'll be inspired for another verse, but otherwise it feels right. It's currently just over three minutes, so your memory is on point (wish mine were!).

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 Posted: Tue Dec 6th, 2016 11:47 pm
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nicetalkintoya
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I like the lyric. I can feel the desperation. I agree that the chorus is powerful. I found myself wanting a melodic piano solo before the final chorus/outro. But it packs a punch as is. Congrats!

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 Posted: Wed Dec 7th, 2016 12:05 am
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jaysays
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Thank you for the feedback. I'll undoubtedly add some other musical layers. I'll try out a piano solo. I'm not a very talented pianist, so we shall see. 😊

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 Posted: Wed Dec 7th, 2016 06:45 pm
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jaysays
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I think I've decided to add another verse, as I kept thinking about why someone would keep walking around in circles after a loss. Something like this:

Our house is too empty now,
our bed has gotten cold.
Tried to move away from here,
but these streets have taken hold

Going

Cheers!

Last edited on Wed Dec 7th, 2016 06:52 pm by jaysays

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 Posted: Thu Dec 15th, 2016 03:28 pm
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Dogmax
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I like this a lot everything feels just right, lyrics piano and your vocals, powerful delivery, it be interesting to hear if your third verse works with just listening here (lenght wise) but if you ever do this song live then yes i do believe third verse would works, audience would love this song and lenght wise IMO wouldn't be a problem, great song.



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 Posted: Wed Jan 18th, 2017 07:06 pm
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Martinswede
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Really good song! I read parts of the lyric before listening and when the
vocals came in they hit me hard. Great singing!

Good third verse. Use it.

My only criticism is that you go a bit sharp on 'circles' in
'Instead I walk in circles tonight' both choruses.
A minor problem easy to fix.

Cheers,
- Martin

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 Posted: Mon Feb 13th, 2017 06:38 pm
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jaysays
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Thank you and thanks for catching I'm sharp. Sometimes, I convince myself it's right even if it's not.

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 Posted: Sat Jul 15th, 2017 03:28 pm
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s.l.wolf
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This is really well written and sounds great! I also like the verse you added in the comments.
I like the line "Sign says don't walk now, but I think I'll risk it this time."
I don't have any suggestion on things to change. I was wondering if you could have another instrument accompanying the piano, lots of options of adding just a little bit more flavor to the piano.

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 Posted: Sat Jul 22nd, 2017 03:16 am
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JAPOV
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Nice!! Just some thoughts.... :)

I'm walking down the street and people whisper your name.
Don't know how they know you, I wish I could say the same.
Everyone stares at me, with questions in their eyes.
Cuz since you left me, I wanna lay down and die.

Instead I walk in circles tonight.
I walk in circles tonight.

Looking ahead I see, an old man begging for change
I push right past him, afraid I might know his pain.
Pass the corner diner, where we sat many nights.
Sign says don't walk now, but I think I'll risk it this time.

Instead I walk in circles tonight.
I walk in circles tonight
I walk in circles
Circles tonight
tonight.



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Let's write something truly meaningful!!! :)
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 Posted: Mon Jan 22nd, 2018 05:43 am
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Remlapp
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Can't get it to play and not going to sign up to some
random site to do so. SORRY

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 Posted: Mon Feb 12th, 2018 08:14 pm
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jaysays
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Thanks - I actually took the song down from that link some time ago, which is why it wouldn't play and probably why it was asking you to sign up. Generally, you don't have to sign up to hear things on chirbit (unlike some other popular sites).

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