The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

"Queen off hearts"
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Wed Sep 4th, 2013 10:08 pm
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
Andyslyrics
Member
 

Joined: Tue Aug 13th, 2013
Location:  
Posts: 24
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Queen off hearts


I was minding my own business when she caught my eye,
I knew I couldn't resist temptation am only a guy.
She was drinking coffee alone on a table for two,
Built up the courage to walk over an trip on my shoe.

Chorus
I fell in love the moment I saw her face,
A beauty so bright a different race.
I forgot my name am back at the start,
Playing card game she's queen off hearts,
Yeh my Queen off hearts.

She's wonderful amazing and incredible, I want it all,
Fun loving got potential, to stand tall, oh I want more.
Life is two short to wait for dreams,to come true.
It's a long road to walk now my heart, has no clue.

Chorus

Bridge
Can stay hours on these chairs,
Playing snap, an playing pairs.
I could be loosing but I don't care,
The queen off hearts, has got me here.

(C) Andrew Moorcroft 2013










:P

Back To Top 


 Posted: Thu Sep 5th, 2013 11:33 am
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
Keith/L
Member
 

Joined: Mon Sep 2nd, 2013
Location:  
Posts: 29
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Think you have something here.

I was minding my own business when she caught my eye,
I tried not to stare but I am only a guy.
She sat sipping coffee at a table for two,
Built up courage to walk over and then tripped on my shoe.

Not sure what you mean by 'different race'

Good job.

Back To Top


 Posted: Thu Sep 5th, 2013 04:40 pm
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
SundownSam
Super Moderator


Joined: Thu Jul 24th, 2008
Location: Ellenwood , Georgia USA
Posts: 7967
Favorite Artist: Danny, James, Dennis, Charles, Rob, Don, Art, John, Mike ...
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I agree with Keith...I think you have the makings of a really good song here.

As I was reading it I could see it all happening (good visuals) and even chuckled a little when I got to the line about "tripping on your shoe". lol That's a really good line and I think it was the perfect way to end that verse. I do, however, think the lyric is in need of some polishing and Keith has done a really good job of doing this to the first verse. If you will use this as example and do it to the rest of your lyric, the lines will have a little more of a 'complete thought' to them and make for better reading and singing, song wise.  Also...you say Queen "off" Hearts, but I'm thinking you actually mean Queen "of" Hearts and that maybe this is just a typo or something. But to make it read/sound better, you might want to go in and change it from 'off' to 'of '

Good concept Andrew... and a great start on it! :cool:





____________________
First you write it with your heart - then you re-write it with your head

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=1021080







Back To Top 


 Posted: Thu Sep 5th, 2013 04:43 pm
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
Andyslyrics
Member
 

Joined: Tue Aug 13th, 2013
Location:  
Posts: 24
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Thank you for your feedback I appriate the honesty I will go through it and
Change some bits thanks guys :)

Back To Top


Current time is 04:18 pm

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1612 seconds (17% database + 83% PHP). 27 queries executed.