| Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters! Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety. |
| Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank | ||
| Author | Post | |||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
sophiaraquellyrics Member 
|
White water waves wash away the pains of today I thought you were here to help me find my way We sparkled like diamonds, glistened like stars, and now we are beginning to grow so far... Away... I remember the sky shined so blue on such a sad day That was when you told me it was time to walk away I could use some help finishing this! Thanks! |
|||||||||||||
|
hardtwistmusic Member 
|
If this would help, I can send you a sung version of your lyrics with an A Cappella melody. Having a tune in your head to sing it to creates a mental change that tells you where to go with your next verse. And, you're never really stuck with a lyric just because you can't see where to go with it now. Don't force it, and don't rush it... let it come to you in it's own time. It will come when it is ready, and it will be yours and it will be right. Nobody can write your lyric but you. I'd suggest you don't be in a hurry to have someone else's contribution to it. You'll get there when it's time. Just let it come when it will. If you want that a capella melody, let me know and get me an e mail address that allows attachments and I'll send it to you as an mp3 file. |
|||||||||||||
|
LyrAssist Member
|
Hi Sophia, Without a title/hook ... I wasn't sure where you wanted to go with this. I almost always work from there.(From a hook, that is) What you have here, seems to jump from thought to thought. If it were up to me, I'd start with your second line though. Here's what I came up with from your start. Your white water waves I couldn't save ... but I was able to keep the 'river rafting' image of it in the last verse, while still keeping to the starry theme I adopted. Steve (aka, LyrAssist) Title: "Shooting Stars" [as in 'target practice'  ](V1) 1 I thought you -- were here -- to help me 2 to help me find my way 3 I remember wondering why 4 the sky's shinning so blue 5 on such a sad sad day (Pre-Chorus) 1 Now my nights are empty 2 since you shined me on 3 my stars are all gone (Chorus) 1 You're shooting stars 2 you're shooting stars 3 I always thought -- they were -- way outt'a range 4 I always thought --- I sensed -- something strange 5 but wow, I don't know how -- you could've reached -- that damned far 6 You're shooting stars, shooting stars, shooting stars (V2) 1 I thought you -- were there -- to lead me 2 not to lead me on 3 I remember wondering where 4 the stars are tonight 5 where have they all gone (Repeat Pre-Chorus) (Repeat Chorus) (V3) 1 I thought you -- were there -- to save me 2 not to delete my dreams 3 now I'm wondering who 4 can take me -- river rafting 5 along the Milky Way's white streams (Repeat Pre-Chorus) (Repeat Chorus) sophiaraquellyrics wrote: White water waves wash away the pains of today Last edited on Sun Jan 6th, 2013 01:35 am by LyrAssist |
|||||||||||||
|
ADrunkPanda Member 
|
It's starting pretty good so far. I'm liking how it is going. Like one of the repliers have said, it's pretty hard to help contribute unless there is a set title or hook. However, from what I'm guessing is your verse, for a chorus you can either have it sung about accepting change and leaving, or refusing to walk away and having whoever this is sung to to remember the glory days. Keep it up! |
|||||||||||||
|
sophiaraquellyrics Member
|
That is beautiful! I really like the second verse and meaning behind it, because I guess that was the unspoken meaning behind the lyrics. I cannot thank you enough for that! |
|||||||||||||
|
sophiaraquellyrics Member
|
That would be greatly appreciated!! Do you think you could send me one of these lyrics? They were posted in a comment, and I'd love to hear them in A Cappella as well. Title: "Shooting Stars" [as in 'target practice'] (V1) 1 I thought you -- were here -- to help me 2 to help me find my way 3 I remember wondering why 4 the sky's shinning so blue 5 on such a sad sad day (Pre-Chorus) 1 Now my nights are empty 2 since you shined me on 3 my stars are all gone (Chorus) 1 You're shooting stars 2 you're shooting stars 3 I always thought -- they were -- way outt'a range 4 I always thought --- I sensed something strange 5 but wow, I don't know how -- you could've reached -- so damned far 6 You're shooting stars, shooting stars, shooting stars (V2) 1 I thought you -- were there -- to lead me 2 not to lead me on 3 I remember wondering where 4 the stars are tonight 5 where have they all gone (Repeat Pre-Chorus) (Repeat Chorus) (V3) 1 I thought you -- were there -- to save me 2 not to delete my dreams 3 now I'm wondering who 4 can take me -- river rafting 5 along the Milky Way's white streams (Repeat Pre-Chorus) (Repeat Chorus) Thank you so much! My email is: sophieg534@gmail.com |
|||||||||||||
|
LyrAssist Member
|
sophiaraquellyrics wrote:That is beautiful! I really like the second verse and meaning behind it, because I guess that was the unspoken meaning behind the lyrics. I cannot thank you enough for that! Thanks Sophia. I'm glad you liked it. I enjoy helping other people out. (hence my tag LyrAssist) Steve |
|||||||||||||
|
LyrAssist Member
|
Uh, what would be greatly appreciated Sophia? It's yours if you want it. Just cut and paste from my post. As for A cappella ... unfortunately Sophia, I can't sing. Well, fortunate I suppose for those out of ear shot when I've tried.  Steve sophiaraquellyrics wrote: That would be greatly appreciated!! |
|||||||||||||
|
sophiaraquellyrics Member
|
My apologies, I had accidentally replied to the wrong person. |
|||||||||||||
|
sophiaraquellyrics Member
|
Title: "Shooting Stars" [as in 'target practice'] (V1) 1 I thought you -- were here -- to help me 2 to help me find my way 3 I remember wondering why 4 the sky's shinning so blue 5 on such a sad sad day (Pre-Chorus) 1 Now my nights are empty 2 since you shined me on 3 my stars are all gone (Chorus) 1 You're shooting stars 2 you're shooting stars 3 I always thought -- they were -- way outt'a range 4 I always thought --- I sensed something strange 5 but wow, I don't know how -- you could've reached -- so damned far 6 You're shooting stars, shooting stars, shooting stars (V2) 1 I thought you -- were there -- to lead me 2 not to lead me on 3 I remember wondering where 4 the stars are tonight 5 where have they all gone (Repeat Pre-Chorus) (Repeat Chorus) (V3) 1 I thought you -- were there -- to save me 2 not to delete my dreams 3 now I'm wondering who 4 can take me -- river rafting 5 along the Milky Way's white streams (Repeat Pre-Chorus) (Repeat Chorus) Could you sing that^^ In A Cappella as well as my original? That would be greatly appreciated! My email is: sophieg534@gmail.com Thank you so much! |
|||||||||||||
|
LyrAssist Member
|
Hi Sophia, Wrong person again for your last post. I think you want to contact hardtwistmusic above for the A cappella stuff. Click the REPLY button above his post, and then cut/paste the lyrics to there. Steve Last edited on Sun Jan 6th, 2013 02:22 am by LyrAssist |
|||||||||||||
|
hardtwistmusic Member
|
Hi Sophie: Got your message and will do. I'll work on it tomorrow. |
|||||||||||||
|
hardtwistmusic Member
|
Hi Sophie: Got your message and will do. I'll work on it tomorrow. |
|||||||||||||
|
sophiaraquellyrics Member
|
I am so sorry about that! I am still getting the hang of the website. |
|||||||||||||
|
hardtwistmusic Member
|
sophiaraquellyrics wrote:I am so sorry about that! I am still getting the hang of the website. I don't think you responded to the wrong person. I think the wrong person just thought you had responded to him/her because of the sequence. It's often a good idea to quote a small portion of the post you are responding to in order to keep everyone from being confused. And you have mail. Your e-mail address in the post is not correct, but I was able to figure it out. Let me know if you like the music and melody if you don't mind. |
|||||||||||||
|
sophiaraquellyrics Member
|
hardtwistmusic wrote:sophiaraquellyrics wrote: Thank you for that tip! And I got the message, I am sorry about the email address not working correctly... |
|||||||||||||
|
hardtwistmusic Member
|
sophiaraquellyrics wrote: |
|||||||||||||
|
sophiaraquellyrics Member
|
hardtwistmusic wrote:sophiaraquellyrics wrote: |
|||||||||||||
|
hardtwistmusic Member
|
sophiaraquellyrics wrote: I did receive the email with your mp3 attached, and I really enjoyed it! The one I received was with your vocals, and I was curious as to if you could send one that is simply instrumental as well? I can easily do that. But before I do, I'll ask a few questions. I turned the tempo up from 60 beats per minute to 72 bpm, and it sounds better. Instead of asking you which one to send, it just occurred to me to send the raw accompaninent both ways. I'll try to send you two files tomorrow. One raw accompaniment at 60 bpm, and another at 72 bpm. In the meantime, I'll periodically work on finishing the music to sound fuller and more dramatic in spots... and as soon as I see something for a chorus, I'll have to modify timing and instrumentation to differntiate it from the verses. I would suggest that you return to the "white water waves" reference you began your lyric with. It's very catch, and dramatic and it's perfect to set the mood to begin. But it's wasted if you don't explain further how the "white water waves" related to the situation. I have an idea how to do that, but won't share it with you until you've done your own. It's better it remains as completely your song as is possible imo. I'll also advise that you don't get into a hurry to "finish" this. It's a REAL good lyric, or I wouldn't have offerred to write music and melody for it. I'll suggest that you Keep it yours, and keep to your original feel and writing style. |
|||||||||||||
|
hardtwistmusic Member
|
hardtwistmusic wrote:
Hmmmmm.... this one came back when I sent it. I'll need to know which of the e-mail addresses I sent the successful one to. Don't tell me here in this public forum. Send it to me in a private message. If you need help knowing how to use the "private message" feature, I can help you, or Troy, Just1L, or one of the other moderators can do it. The reason not to put an e-mail in the public part of the forum is that you have no control over who can find it. It's not real important, but better to remain careful with such information. |
|||||||||||||