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Another Song i would like comments on.
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 Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2012 02:52 am
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Above Infection
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Is it really better to know someone?
That you will never see again?
Rather than never meeting them to begin?
I don't know the answer yet,
But i can tell you in a bit.
just give the wounds a chance to heal.

When this chapter of my life ends,
Then i will tell you how i feel.
But right now my head isn't clear

I still feel those words
It's already been half a year
and my heart is just barely starting to mend

But that's what time is for.
Waiting in hope that someone will tend.
To this Hurting Man

Or will time be a Judge.
And Declare me Guilty.

Is it better to have known her?
------------------------------------------------------
There is no chorus because i felt this song was more powerful without one. I picture it starting out with a very long instrumental maybe around 3 minutes long and this is the end of the song.

That's the song! thanks for reading please leave any comments as long as they are not rude!





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 Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2012 01:27 pm
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Donna
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Seth, this reads more like a poem. If you want to write a lyric to attract a musician, it's important to structure it like one. Please re-read what I wrote in my post on your previous lyric. :)

Depending upon the genre, you're going to need a chorus. A song needs to have some kind of payoff - and that is in the chorus (unless you're writing an old-fashioned folk song consisting of several verses - but even then, the verses need to be consistent in their structure and metering).

No one is going to listen to an instrumental intro lasting 3 minutes (unless it's prog-rock). In fact, your whole song shouldn't last more than around 3 minutes, and that includes verses, choruses, and bridge. ;)

Mind you, I'm commenting with the assumption you want to learn to write in order to have commercial possibilities. If you're not, and you only want to write songs for your own enjoyment, you can of course do anything you like. :D

Donna

Last edited on Wed Dec 5th, 2012 05:28 pm by Donna



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 Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2012 09:31 pm
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Above Infection
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Donna wrote: Seth, this reads more like a poem. If you want to write a lyric to attract a musician, it's important to structure it like one. Please re-read what I wrote in my post on your previous lyric. :)

Depending upon the genre, you're going to need a chorus. A song needs to have some kind of payoff - and that is in the chorus (unless you're writing an old-fashioned folk song consisting of several verses - but even then, the verses need to be consistent in their structure and metering).

No one is going to listen to an instrumental intro lasting 3 minutes (unless it's prog-rock). In fact, your whole song shouldn't last more than around 3 minutes, and that includes verses, choruses, and bridge. ;)

Mind you, I'm commenting with the assumption you want to learn to write in order to have commercial possibilities. If you're not, and you only want to write songs for your own enjoyment, you can of course do anything you like. :D

Donna
Can i suggest an artist where there is no chorus and around a 2:30 instrumental chorus? The Rocket Summer. He is a writing genius. He has a couple songs out without a chorus and they are magnificent. If you would please look up Treasure (not the one with intro) and Christmas Present (one with long intro)



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 Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2012 01:31 am
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hardtwistmusic
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This one sings well to a real slow melody in the first verse.... The first verse is dramatic and meaningful.

Then the second verse (to my ear) doesn't/won't sing the same. There is no prosody between the two verses. They don't (to my ear) "fit together." Of course, it could be that you have a melody in mind that integrates the two of them together... but I don't see how it would. That I can't see it doesn't mean it isn't so btw. . . just that I can't see it. I've certainly been pleasantly surprised before.

All in all, to my ear, this song lyric isn't as strong as the last one you posted.



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 Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2012 01:39 am
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hardtwistmusic
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Above Infection wrote:
Donna wrote: Seth, this reads more like a poem. If you want to write a lyric to attract a musician, it's important to structure it like one. Please re-read what I wrote in my post on your previous lyric. :)

Depending upon the genre, you're going to need a chorus. A song needs to have some kind of payoff - and that is in the chorus (unless you're writing an old-fashioned folk song consisting of several verses - but even then, the verses need to be consistent in their structure and metering).

No one is going to listen to an instrumental intro lasting 3 minutes (unless it's prog-rock). In fact, your whole song shouldn't last more than around 3 minutes, and that includes verses, choruses, and bridge. ;)

Mind you, I'm commenting with the assumption you want to learn to write in order to have commercial possibilities. If you're not, and you only want to write songs for your own enjoyment, you can of course do anything you like. :D

Donna
Can i suggest an artist where there is no chorus and around a 2:30 instrumental chorus? The Rocket Summer. He is a writing genius. He has a couple songs out without a chorus and they are magnificent. If you would please look up Treasure (not the one with intro) and Christmas Present (one with long intro)


There have always been songs (some memorable, some not) which break the "ALWAYS NEED A CHORUS" rule. (The same can be said of nearly every "rule."

If that weren't true, then there would be a stifling sameness to every song... a formulaic strangulation of creativity.

Every song that is memorable IS memorable precisely BECAUSE it's somehow different from the sea of sameness that comes from following formulas.

I disagree with Donna that one must follow this (or any) rule religiously.

One should however, break rules like one would go to war... RELUCTANTLY. To be memorable, a song has to be different in some way. TOO different just annoys people. The audience DOES matter in legitimate art. It just can't be the only thing that matters to any true artist.



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 Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2012 01:55 am
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Donna
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Seth, thank you for pointing me in the direction of Bryce Avary (Rocket Summer). Actually, he reminds me of certain artists in the anti-folk genre. Regina Spektor springs to mind. Also the brilliant Tim Minchin, an Australian artist. Do you know him?

OK, if that's what you're aspiring to, then keep doing what you do. ;)

When you post a lyric, however, It might be a good idea to mention that you intend to keep the format exactly as you've presented it. That way people (e.g. like me) won't spend time trying to explain structure, rhyme schemes, and what not. :D

Donna

Last edited on Thu Dec 6th, 2012 02:04 am by Donna



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 Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2012 02:00 am
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Donna
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hardtwistmusic wrote:
Above Infection
I disagree with Donna that one must follow this (or any) rule religiously.


Actually, what I said was that depending upon the genre a song would need a chorus. ;) I did not say that one should follow any rule religiously.

Donna

Last edited on Thu Dec 6th, 2012 02:03 am by Donna



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