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Acoustic Song Draft Spinning Feedback
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Sat Sep 1st, 2012 10:22 pm
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Catman
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Hello,

This is a draft of a song I'm working at. I would appreciate your Feedback...

Thanks in advance

Andy

http://soundcloud.com/andreasfoersterfoerster/spinnin

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 Posted: Tue Oct 16th, 2012 10:31 am
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deanielf
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i think the songs got good potential, i like the indie feel to it for sure

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 Posted: Tue Oct 16th, 2012 05:20 pm
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just1L
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Hey Catman. Could you post the lyrics so I can read along? Thanks!



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 Posted: Tue Oct 16th, 2012 05:33 pm
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Catman
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Sure... (I'm not sure if they really make sense):

These thoughts in my head won't stop spinnin', spinnin',
spinnin' 'round you
These thoughts in my head won't stop spinnin', spinnin',
spinnin', spinnin' 'round, the sound...
of your voice, of your eyes, your smile, your smile
your voice, your eyes, your smile, can't lie

These thoughts...
...of your voice, your eyes, your smile, so shy...
your voice, your eyes, your smile, gone by...

These thoughts...
Thoughts in my head, first day we met, I can't forget about
you

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 Posted: Tue Oct 16th, 2012 06:52 pm
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just1L
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I think you have a good start here. There's one part that isn't quite working as good as it could.

These thoughts in my head won't stop spinnin', spinnin',
spinnin', spinnin' 'round, the sound...

To me the last two words "the sound" don't get associated enough with the following "of your voice". It definitely reads okay, but when listening to it without the lyrics, that part gets a little lost and just by hearing it, I didn't get the association between the two lines. Could just be me though.

I really like the outro you have and would possibly like to hear some of that a little sooner as I think it adds a bit to the song. While my opinions don't really mean a whole heck of a lot I do think this song has some potential.



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