|View single post by just1L|
|Posted: Tue Dec 11th, 2012 07:37 pm||
|Yes, I will say the title does nothing for the song. Sounds more like a derogatory statement than a title. Is this song about a stuffed animal you call sackboy?? Just curious on that one. Regardless, I think the song is moving in a good direction. To me it all reads well and works fine up until the line "I won't listen to them". Up until that point the song is about you and this object. That line kind of comes out of left field. I feel it needs something before it to let the listener know either:
1. Who is saying this
2. Why are they saying this
3. What are they saying that you won't listen to.
I just feel there needs to be something more to help explain what is going on there.
The other thing I noticed was the last two lines in the bridge. While I do understand what you're saying I think it is said awkwardly. You see, but you won't see is a tad confusing. Here's a sample with that bridge altered a bit to give a bit more clarity.
Everything is there for me.
Love, warmth and a family.
Things I'll never see.
Overall I think this is an interesting tune and I'm curious as to what this object is. My alternate title suggestion would be Buttons. LOL