View single post by terrypicker
 Posted: Fri Apr 8th, 2011 01:08 am
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Joined: Sun Jul 22nd, 2007
Location: Grand Junction, Colorado USA
Posts: 2614
blukatnga wrote: Allycat, Whew ! Take a breath dude/dudette !! It is very evident to me that you have a great way with words. Your work is not self indulgent (which is really nice) and your metre is in there somewhere and it "feels" good to me. I might suggest, in order to get more feedback here would be to titleize your work, clearly break up and identify the verses and do the same for the chorus especially if this is a country tune. When everything runs together like this one, it is a hard read....feel me? I would love to see this organized in a song format cause I'm certain I will dig it !!
Yes, take it a little easier on us.  lol  :)  I was able to follow it thru, it has a beautiful message that I hooked up with right away.  It does get a bit bunched up toward the end.  I'm with blukatnga, break it up into verses, chorus and bridge if there is one. You should also state who it is written by and claim copyright.  See the instructions for posting on the homepage, and it will convey all the details. I like what I read! :) 

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